My Responsibility

I have written a book based on this journal, my daily practices and the three questions I use to determine my actions during each day (would I do this in front of God?, is this my responsibility?, and will this increase the integrity of the universe?).  Today, I decided to self-publish for a variety of logistical reasons.  It feels important that I write down the ideas and observations I have been given.  It also feels important that I put the information “out there” for others to see.  Those actions are my responsibility.  Beyond those actions, the outcome, is not up to me.  I do entertain myself by fantasizing about possible (often grandiose!) outcomes.

Gratitude

Today was Thanksgiving and I felt a lot of gratitude for my life, with all of its numerous difficulties, primarily because of my focus on eternity, rather than my day to day existence.  I also went through a period of fear, before I realized that using the eternal view, my fears were silly.  My best way to realize the silliness of my fears is to ask myself “if I were on my deathbed, would this make any difference”.

Reacting To Fear

I am clear that I do not know the “right” or loving action to take for other people, and that it is even difficult for me to determine that action for myself.  However, I observe and communicate with many others around me who are responding primarily to some form of fear of possible future events.  They are reacting to fear rather than love, quite understandable since that is the way we have been taught.  I have spent most of my life reacting to fears of one sort or another.  The reason that I now choose to base my reactions on love is that the outcome is generally better for everyone involved and feels “right”.

Encountering The Absolute

Some years ago during my morning meditation I encountered a place or sense that I referred to as the “Absolute”, a place of total love, peace and well being.  I referred to that place as absolute since it was beyond the duality I associate with normal earthly existence.  I have since found out that many spiritual leaders and mystics over the centuries have encountered the same sense or place, and even call it the same thing.  Because of my near death experience and other experiences I now associate that place with God and eternity.  Being with that place every morning has changed my view of this present life.

Changes

I have been reminded, repeatedly, today that it is much easier to change behaviors, than it is, the thoughts and feelings behind those behaviors.  For example, I stopped the behavior of using drugs and alcohol about twenty nine years ago.  That change was difficult, but not nearly as problematic as the numerous shifts in attitude, thoughts and emotions that I have gone through since then, changes that have been necessary to remain clean and sober.  As far as I can tell, the same applies to any changes in life.

Acceptance

The theme for today was acceptance.  The fact is that there are many aspects of my life that I simply need to accept and integrate into my life, if I am to be serene and happy.  It is a little strange to me that I need not like these aspects, but if I cheerfully accept and work with them, the result is less stress.  Two examples are that I need to do a variety of exercises several times a week or experience physical pain and the other is that all activities I do take three to five times longer than they used to.  So, very simply, if I do my exercises and plan my time accordingly, my life is pleasant.  On the other hand, if I choose to not accept my limitations, I experience consequences.

Paradigm Shift

Today, I had numerous conversations around the fact that many events exist beyond the relatively simple and understandable concepts of see-touch-feel or obvious cause and effect; events that fall outside of simple, linear human understanding.  I am referring to things like the “hundredth monkey” phenomenon, the mind-body connection, the efficacy of prayer or the water crystallization experiments.  I find it amusing that I used to not accept the reality of these phenomena and went to great lengths to explain them away, using simple linear logic.  Now I just accept that there are many things in the universe that I do not understand.  I realize that these events are outside of the paradigm which I have been taught to use.