Progress

A few days ago, I encountered and read part of a recent edition of Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, by Suzuki.  I was reminded that I first encountered, purchased and read an early edition of the book back in the ‘70s.  When I first read it, on the one hand I knew I wanted what was talked about in the book, and on the other hand, the book was just so much “word porridge”, I did not understand it at all.  Now I live it, and say many of the same things, in my own way.  Life is strange!
I think it important to note that through the years I have had several teachers, read a lot of books, meditated regularly and had a lot of life happen.  It has certainly not always been fun, pleasant or easy but I have always pursued truth.  My approach seems to have worked, so far.

Perfection

The concept of “perfection” has been on my mind since my entry “The Perfection of Being Human”.  In the human sense, perfection means no perceived flaws and in the God/eternal sense it means harmony with the universe, balance.  As I say on my website “The human concept of perfection is based on things like fear and guilt. It is flawed and harmful much of the time. In fact, I know of no situation where it is helpful, though it sometimes drives people through fear.  The concept causes people to drive themselves toward a goal that was generally set for them by someone else. The result is anxiety and negative feelings toward oneself. This concept does not help the individual, but it certainly adds to fear.”  The perfection that I encountered in “The God Place” is based on love and does not drive us, it simply feels right and promotes the integrity of the universe.

I Am

My life and the world around me is full of pain, chaos, uncertainty and transience, yet I feel joy and peace.  This condition has puzzled me and I have wondered how I could be so acutely aware of each.  I have come to realize that I am aware of the pain and chaos, but detached from them, and I have no desire to make it otherwise, they are simply what is.  I am at peace with life because I identify closely with the eternal, unborn “I am”.  I found that part of me by detaching from all of the pain and chaos around me and identifying with the love I found in the eternal, through the process of meditation.

The Perfection of Being Human

Many years ago I asked/prayed to see things and people in this world the way God does.  Some time after that I had a near death experience during which I was taken to the outskirts(?) of the other side and told “This is what it feels like to be here, you can go back and be of service but your physical condition will get worse”.  The important part was the very strong feeling of love coupled with approval of the human experience, while in the presence of that force.  That feeling of love was much stronger than anything I have experienced on the earthly plane.  My over-whelming sense of God’s view was that being human meant being perfect and having room for growth at the same time, a conflict in our view, but not while there.  My view now is that I can do no less since that is what I was shown.  Many people have said that the purpose of life on earth is to learn to give and receive love.  To me, this a very powerful example of that.

Overcoming Challenges

During the meeting tonight, there were a couple of topics floating around.  One was that things like worry, fear and self-deprecation drive many of the thoughts and feelings of most of us.  People confessed to worrying about things like not having enough money, the job ending or not being good enough.  I spoke up, laughing, and commented that I often had such thoughts and considered them as examples of being a silly, wonderful human, of not being “wrapped to tight”.  I also made it clear that I did not take such thoughts seriously.
I found it disturbing that I was welcomed as “one of the guys”, when speaking of my weaknesses and quickly left alone when I spoke of overcoming them, as if having weaknesses was supported and overcoming them was not.  Similarly, in early recovery, it was laughed about and clearly enjoyed as I discovered and began to work on my numerous, dysfunctional behaviors and ideas.  There was/is a good deal less enjoyment expressed, having overcome those challenges.  I must admit that it is very comfortable for me to continue with dysfunctional behaviors, much like continuing to be with an old friend, they are familiar.

Sorting Time

Today was a day of self-care and sorting things out through meditation.  I could sense that the “I am” part of me needed to do some sorting out, but since that part is beyond thought and words, all I could do was open up to that part, feel it and let it sort things out until it was done.  That is what I did, with no understanding of what was happening, but a feeling of completion, satisfaction and peace when it was done.  Very strange.  Understanding is not required.

I Am

I can sense, though not thoroughly explain, the presence of an “I am” that is connected to the absolute and behind but not attached to any experience within the physical world.  That “I am” is within each of us, unborn and does not die when the body does, “This realized self is not born, Nor does it ever die.  It comes from nowhere and is nobody.  Unborn, eternal, imperish-able, original, It is not killed, though the body be destroyed.” (Katha Upanishad).  I can only access that part of me through meditation in which I discard all of my attachments to this world.  Having done that, I can then carry knowing that “I am” with me during the day.

Connection

I frequently find myself doing things that I cannot explain in words, as guided by my own intuition or guidance received during meditation.  These are almost always interactions with another person out of love and service for them.  At those times, I feel a very strong/intense connection to them and All That Is.  My actions are guided by knowing that all things in the universe are connected and that any action affects the whole universe.  Unfortunately, I do not have the words to explain more fully.