This morning I have been reflecting on the attitudes and ideas within me which interfere with my ability to listen deeply to the universe around me, the spoken and unspoken. I have managed to largely quiet the stories and chatter of my brain, meaning the stories or context my brain focuses on rather than truly attending to what is being said. I do watch the puzzlement in other people’s faces when the words I say do not mach what they expect. I manage to not do that, most of the time. In my listening during meditation to, what I call, the whispers of the universe my listening is still constrained by my expectations and what I consider real. At this point I do not listen completely openly ---- but I see the problem and am working on it!
Thursday, February 18, 2021
It’s cold (for Columbia MD!) and snowing outside so it seems like a good day for me to stay safe and warmish indoors and be grateful that I have that option. I had plans to go and visit my mother-in-law but I will do that another day and shift my activities a bit. It feels good to be flexible and accept what is in front of me without resisting or insisting on continuing with my plans.. A simple thing but I feel grateful.
Monday, February 15, 2021
This morning I have a mixture of feelings, beginning with feeling “lost in a trackless desert” and quickly mixed with gratitude for my many gifts and being able to know how lost I am. The main gift I have is love and being able to spread that love. The lost feeling comes from knowing how much that love is needed and not knowing more than my next step. Love feels adequate and I can only do my part. I will get the guidance I need. “And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” (Ehrmann)
Friday, February 12, 2021
I have been successful at changing many of my dysfunctional behaviors and many aspects of my physical condition, parts of myself that I did not like at all. It is paradoxical that in order to make the changes, I must first accept the reality of the situation as it is. Total acceptance provides a base level I can work from and without that acceptance, I lack a firm starting point. I can have any feeling I wish toward the situation, hate or love, but I must also accept it. My feelings make no difference as far as the changes I wish to make. Right now, I am striving to change my level of physical pain. I begin each day by assessing my pain level and what I can do about it for that day. I need to accept the pain I will have for that day and my method works well — but I do not like the pain at all.
Wednesday, February 3, 2021
Yesterday I had a repeat lesson in humility and my insanity in doing the same thing several times and expecting it to work this time. I learned several years ago that humility meant accepting the reality of being who I am without pretense, no pretending to be different than I am. I need to accept that because of my disability everything I do will take three to five times longer than normal. Yesterday I tried to do to much and as a result at seven in the evening I was exhausted and still doing the dinner dishes. This morning I feel grateful for the lesson and am planning a restful day.
Sunday, January 31, 2021
Several years ago I set my goal as changing the world one person at a time and it is apparent that I have done and continue to do that. I picked that goal because I knew it would occupy me for the rest of my life and I find the goal to be fulfilling — it fits me well. I don’t wish to control anyone or achieve any specific outcome. I do wish to bring people closer to whatever concept of Love or God works for them and have them use that power/source in their decision making. Of course I have to begin with me. “We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life.” (Patricia Loring)
Tuesday, January 26, 2021
Because of a recent conversation, I was caused to reflect on the role and power of love in my life. Before my disability I had some familiarity with the love one feels toward another person but I had no clue that I could .use the power of love to physically heal and transform myself, my life. Daily, I direct loving energy to specific physical problems by generating a loving feeling and sending it by intent to those locations. I also fill myself with love while meditating and asking for guidance. I generally let any negative or angry feelings pass and make my decisions based on love.
Thursday, January 21, 2021
“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. (Ehrmann)” How true! If I compare specific aspects of myself with other people, like I used to do, I always come out on the bottom and not feeling good about myself. That was the way I was raised but that practice did not work for me. Someone pointed out yesterday that I no longer do that and I felt gratitude realizing he was right. I focus on the fact that I am the best Charlie Horton I know, and leave it at that.
Wednesday, January 20, 2021
Two days ago I did my weekly grocery shopping and was impressed by the exceptionally high level of anxiety floating around in the atmosphere of the stores. Many of the people were on edge and that feeling was definitely part of the unseen reality I mentioned a couple of days ago. I felt the need of shaking it off or clearing myself when I got home. Today is inauguration day and the level of anxiety is even higher. Fortunately I have been keeping up with my spiritual practices and self-care so I can feel peace and calm — when I focus on that and keep in mind that the anxiety is not mine.
Monday, January 18, 2021
It strikes me this morning that though I am aware of some surface activity going on in the world, I do not really know what is going on — and that is just fine. I listen to NPR for a few minutes each day and I also read some of the “Washington Post” so I have some idea of current events, what I am calling surface activity. I limit my exposure to these sources because I do not want to be convinced that is the whole story. I also meditate for several hours each day in order that I might make contact with the “unseen” part of the atmosphere around and within me. It is during meditation that I sense the love, strength, peace, anxiety and fear in the atmosphere. That is part of my reality but I do not really understand it.