For the last week or so I have been aware of people tending to restrict their view of current events so that their conclusions fit with their beliefs. They (we?) tend to stay within our own “box”, rather than grow and change. They do not see the whole picture, which I try to do but probably do not. There is a practical value and importance of viewing of acting on reality objectively, accurately and without bias. This view also feels risky and unsafe. In my life this pattern is most noticeable with the medical profession’s view of my history or condition. I generally present my whole history which is exceptional and does not fit their expectations. They then look at part of what I present and decide that I have been miss diagnosed or that I am imagining things. Frustrating and not helpful! The safe and conservative approach is to take the facts and try to fit them into an impression of reality while frequently leaving out some of the facts. I prefer to expand my impression of reality in order to encompass all of the facts.
Saturday, July 17, 2021
During my recovery meeting yesterday we talked about tolerance vs.. judgement and people spoke up about the various things they tended to judge about other people and situations. While they were talking I kept reflecting back on my family of origin and the fact that we used to sit around the dinner table and criticize Cincinnati, where we had recently moved. The sense was that the criticism somehow made our family superior, never realizing that we were feeling and expressing a negative energy which actually made us feel worse. Later in the meeting I spoke of my memory and my realization that judging others had a negative impact on me and had no effect on the object of my judgment. I likened judging others to “pissing on my own leg”, an image that has helped me give up my judgmental tendencies. Being loving and tolerant feels much better, much freer and clearer.
Saturday, July 3, 2021
Today I am experiencing some sadness which was triggered by my doctor appointment but also relates to my own history and awareness of the general human condition. The sadness is because we tend to view the world through a lense formed by our own experiences and training rather than viewing reality openly and totally as it is. I often refer to this as living and viewing reality from within a box because is restrictive and confining. Personally, I make an effort to see beyond my own box and I also experience difficulty in getting others to do the same. In the case of me and my physician “His training and profession lead him to view his patients in terms of potential pathology” (taken from last post) and he cannot see me openly and objectively, which saddens me. I also understand the difficulty of seeing beyond my own box.
Friday, June 18, 2021
Yesterday I went to my primary care doctor for a routine checkup, which I often find useful though I do not rely on western medicine for much and he certainly does not understand me or my practices. When I go to see him and enter that world view I have to be very careful with my own boundaries. His training and profession lead him to view his patients in terms of potential pathology, while my tendency is to look at myself in terms of health and healing. He commented that my thyroid problem “just went away” and I corrected by saying that I had healed it. He was also concerned that I got up each night two to three times to pee. He checked my prostate and was about to send me to a urologist. I asked him why and he pointed out that the urologist could give me medications to help my urinary problems. The fact is that I pee a lot and drink a lot of water (very healthy!) And I recall that doctors have expressed concern about my fluid intake all my life, the first time being when I was a graduate student and twenty-five.
Sunday, June 6, 2021
I had a Near-Death-Experience (NDE) in 2006, meaning I was dead or close to death and “visited” what most people call the “other side”. While there I could feel extreme and unconditional love more than anything I had encountered in the human plane. I was given the choice of coming back to this earthly realm and being of service to others. I knew that was what God wanted and that the best way of holding on to that love was to give it away. The nature of love is that it creates more love. Loving and being grateful for everything on earth is what I have been taught and strive to do. “Christ’s way of propagating the truth------the way that inherently fits the inner life and spirit of the gospel of the Kingdom-----was the way of personal contagion.” (Rufus Jones)
Friday, June 4, 2021
This entry has been very hard for me to write because on one hand I know that I am not “normal” or ordinary and that I do many things that others consider impossible. I also know that I am just “another bozo on the bus”.I communicate with animals, plants, spirits and what I call God. I have done things that were not possible to do and healed many conditions that I could not have. I have done it all though help and guidance and I doubt that I was ever alone. I am also Charlie who has surrendered totally and is only minimally attached to earthly things. I lead a life of service and urge others to do what I have done, in their own way “You will write and you will teach. You will live an ordinary life, learning how to remain ordinary in a troubled world to which, in a sense, you no longer belong. Remain ordinary, and you can be useful to others.” (Dan Millman)
Wednesday, June 2, 2021
When I meditate I repeatedly receive the clear message that I have been healed which used to make no sense since I am physically disabled, not well. How could I be healed and a physical mess at the same time? I have since come to realize that healing or health does not equate with physical wellness. I now realize that healing and health encompass emotional, spiritual and physical factors. “If this mental model is a correct one, then Western medicine has devoted itself —albeit brilliantly—to the treatment of physical symptoms rather than to the cure of disease. Whereas the physical model defines cancer as a disease of runaway cells, Chopra defines it as a distortion in the body’s underlying psychic blueprint, creating that wild growth. To eradicate cancer it is not sufficient to destroy the cancer cells, but instead you must excise the memory of the cancer from the psychic blueprint so that more wild cells don’t replace those killed off. How can this be accomplished?” (Sylvia Fraser)
Tuesday, June 1, 2021
I awoke this morning to the feeling of fear, unusual for me but also unmistakable. Usually I just do my best and have faith that things will work out — a feeling of love and well being. I immediately thought that I was losing my connection to God, which would be very unpleasant for me. Then my fear switched to finances, then something else and I remembered that I used to call it “galloping fear”, due to its ability to go from one thing to another. Time to contemplate and figure out what I was afraid of. I realized that today I was preparing to begin returning to my “normal” activities and begin fazing out of the isolated, monastic life of the last year. I was beginning a change in my activity. I will take it gently and slowly.
Sunday, April 4, 2021
I have been practicing self healing using the power of love and healing touch at least twice a day for some years now. For the last couple of years my main target has been my neurological disability which is supposed to be degenerative. I have been warned during meditation that my progress would be slow — and it is! My jaw coordination has improved to the point that I no longer have open sores in my mouth and I seldom bite myself, rarely to the point of bleeding. My general coordination has also improved some which I notice mostly when I do my morning stretches and my eyes are closed. My movements have also speeded up, according to observers, though I am still very slow. I still have problems with my speech but my jaw is more relaxed.
Tuesday, March 30, 2021
I had one of those significant, powerful dreams last night and as always, with that sort of dream, I remember it and have been ruminating about it. The dream seemed to be a further acknowledgment and commitment to what I am doing in life and whatever is to come. In the beginning of the dream I was talking to Maria, my wife, preparing for some sort of gathering and agreeing with her that the group would need some sort of leader which could be me. I was then part of a gathering of people/entities some of which were alive and some had been alive but were no longer part of my walking around life. I recall knowing that some of them were dead and wondering at there presence, though the others noticed no difference. I knew them all and there was a strong feeling that they all belonged in that group. They were talking among themselves and none noticed any difference between them. They were all agreeing that a leader was needed and several spoke up and suggested me. I had a strong feeling of being honored and knew I would do it. I woke up with the feelings of being honored and commitment.