Life's Difficulties

At one point today Maria, my wife, asked me to do something for her while commenting that she knew it was hard for me and, in addition to doing what she asked, my response was that everything in my life is hard for me. My disability and associated problems make it so that virtually everything I do requires focus and work. One of my young clients commented the other day that he could not do what I do. That being said and acknowledged, if I simply accept that, enjoy what I can, be grateful for my gifts and do what I can each day, my life seems good.

The God/love Part

In my efforts to "be all I can be", I keep thinking back to the words of Marianne Williamson when she said "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world." Today, I did well at facing that fear and acting out of the "I am" portion of myself, the portion that is connected to God and/or love.

Balance

I didn’t realize it at the time, but a good part of today was spent restoring balance to my life. What I mean is that I have several things in my life that are difficult and complicated, so I spent a good part of today doing simple, short term and rewarding things. The complicated parts of my life include my book and the coming panel discussion I have mentioned for the last couple of entries. There are also some complicated clients that I am working with right now. The simple, short term and rewarding things were preparing a big batch of Greek chicken and baking cookies, a good mixture of activities.

Mixed Feelings

I spent a good part of today in preparation for the coming panel discussion about my book. In addition to a simple discussion, I also plan on a couple of short meditative experiences which illustrate the potential physiological, emotional and spiritual impact of a loving attitude. The panel and my approach both feel like the right thing to do, as do my other preparations. As I commented in my recovery meeting today, the preparations, the book and the panel all reflect that I have something of value to say. I also hear internal whispers saying that what I say has no importance, that I have a lot of nerve doing this and that I will be punished for expressing myself. The latter are voices from my history that have no validity but are still there.

Differences

Because of my history and life experiences I have come to believe in love, compassion, connection, inclusiveness and other things of that nature. Those beliefs have become my priority and impact on my behavior. I live in a culture that believes in material advancement, competition and individuality and has those ideas as a priority. Different approaches and neither is better than the other, just different. Being human, I, of course, think my approach is best, so I have to be careful with that, smile and be aware of my bias. I also need to be careful when navigating through a world that is different from me.

That Force - Love 2

Science and the experimental method are both wonderful and valuable approaches to elucidating many events in life. I have been trained in the sciences, was raised to believe in their approach and have earned a Ph.D. in biology. Using some of the principles I have learned like Occam’s Razor, objectivity and to "treasure my exceptions", I am led to conclude that there are aspects of reality that fall outside of science, at least how it is practiced now. As I comment in my book, it is possible to demonstrate that healing in mice is expedited by healing touch, but not how it works. As I commented a few days ago "I would be foolish to deny" the force or power of love in this world, the force that some people choose to call God. However, how it works and the extent of its potential fall outside of science.

That Force - Love

It is clear to me that the important objective in life is not what words or names a person uses, but for us to act and live out of love. The words and names vary depending on influences like religious discipline, culture and history. The feeling and attitude of love does not vary in spite of variation in the words and names. Through my prayer, meditation, contemplation, a near death experience and numerous living experiences I have come to know how right it feels to act out of love, compassion forgiveness and inclusiveness.