Getting to the Love

This has been an extremely intense, difficult, tiring and wonderful day.  I spent most of the day connecting with families of people recovering from years of addiction to drugs.  As I mentioned to them, that sort of recovery requires very firm boundaries, mixed with compassion and love, a difficult combination.  In order to get to the love, we have to first get the hurt and anger out, which tends to be very difficult, for everyone.  All in all, the day was very fulfilling.

Boundaries

For the last several days there have been people attempting to draw me into their own drama by suggesting that I perform various actions like trying to influence others on their behalf.  When I say “no”, they get aggravated.   For me, part of making a loving connection with others is also having firm boundaries.  If I enter into someone else’s drama it adds to my own stress, and prevents them from taking full responsibility.  I realize that I am depriving them of a chance to grow.

Self-care

After a day, like yesterday, of feeling negative and being open about it, rather than maintaining that I feel good all the time, I feel pretty good.  My pattern used to be that I would keep my feelings to myself, just bury them inside.  The result seemed to be a low level of anger and discomfort.  Being open about my feelings is a good example of self-care and self-love.  Along with the other things that I do to care for myself, being open helps keep me balanced, which, in turn, allows me to be of service to others.

Balance

My disability and pain level (from biting my cheek and tongue) were bothering me today.  Nothing has changed, other than my attitude.  I was just feeling sad and I chose to just feel it, talk about it and let it pass.  I have found that dwelling on any unpleasant sensation can be unhealthy and result in its perpetuation, while simply acknowledging it and letting it pass, works for me.  As with many things, it is a balance.

Increasing Love & Peace

For today, I no longer feel the fear associated with the coming publication of my book.  I do feel a sense of awe that I was led to write the words I did and I also feel a strong desire to increase the amount of love, respect and peace in the world.  That love is a central focus of the book, though I am also aware that some people will use/twist my words for selfish purposes.  That selfishness is driven by fears of various sorts and seems to be part of the human condition.

Daily Actions

I am having difficulties in my dealings with the Arizona Corporation Commission (ACC).  They want me to attend to the correct filing of my annual report and I gather that in my attempt to do so, I omitted some detail.  I must admit that I consider the correct filing of my annual report to be trivial.  They do not agree.  I need to remember that I am the one who is out of step, and then just comply.  Using the three questions (Would I do this in front of God?; Is it really my responsibility?; Will this increase the integrity of the universe), it is clear that I should simply do my best to comply.

Gratitude

This has been a long day, beginning with an hour of service work, then a recovery meeting, several hours of working with others and ending with preparing dinner.  All in all, life is a wonder to behold and it also makes me tired.  As always, I spent a large part of the day connecting with other alcoholic/addicts, a wonderful experience.