Forgiveness and Beyond

Today, I have been reflecting on the forgiveness process that I have gone through concerning my father, and how it applies to others in my life.  My father was very angry, ragefull at times and he physically abused me when I was growing up.  My process of forgiveness included: denial, then anger and blaming, acceptance and forgiveness and finally the recognition that there was nothing to forgive.
Originally, I simply denied that there was anything wrong with the way I was raised, that the beatings weren’t that bad and that I deserved them I was indeed a difficult child.  Later in my life I recognized that I was angry and that no-one should be treated that way, regardless of how difficult they are.  I spoke of my anger openly, but not to him, since I did not think it would do any good and would probably hurt him, which he did not need.
I then realized that I had similar anger and rage to his.  I also realized that he got that way because of the way he was treated and that “there but for the grace of God”, went I.  At that point I did write him a letter expressing my past anger, present understanding, acceptance and forgiveness.
Finally, I began to experience the pure, selfless love that I associate with God.  I began to live that love.  During my last visit to my father, before he died, I realized that I felt that love for him and that within that love there was nothing to forgive.  I find the same to be true of all people.

The Beauty of Being Human

Yesterday I spoke of God and love as being like a ray of light that can then be absorbed by humans, like light being absorbed by a speck of dust.  Meaning that, as humans, we need our stubbornness, anger, fear, hurt and drama in order to fully feel the love that is also part of each of us, that is we need to experience and believe in the needs of the “food body” in order to appreciate the love.  Without the experiences of being human, there is only the love of the absolute, which sounds wonderful, but the contrast/duality heightens the experience of each.  Partly for this reason, I find it best to celebrate, embrace and enjoy my humanity with all of its beautiful drama.

The Light of Love

I really like the metaphor of God/love being like a ray of light.  Within that metaphor, an entity can only see the light and/or feel its warmth by providing some sort of obstacle to it.  In this case the obstacle is being a human in what Nisargadatta Maharaj called “the food body”.  The food body is a particle of dust that can absorb the ray, see its brightness and feel its warmth.  Following the metaphor, there is no obstacle within the absolute.  That ray of light exists within the absolute, and it is possible for an entity to be with it, but there is no obstacle to it, the love or God simply is.  Either way, it is a glorious experience!

My Song

Many years ago, Joan Baez wrote “I am less than the song I am singing & more than I thought I could be”.  I have long identified with that song.  The “song” I keep singing is the power of love to heal and change lives and I am very passionate about it.  That power has, quite literally, saved my life and, also, changed my life dramatically.  It is also immeasurably greater than myself.  I would like everyone to know and hear that song.
I began my life in a violent, abusive, alcoholic home and grew up with a very low opinion of myself.  By making use of a lot of human and non-human help and guidance, combined with courage and perseverance on my part, I have, largely, overcome my low self image, though whispers of it still remain.  In that way, I am much more than I ever imagined I could be.  I have faced a lot of personal fears (terror?) along the way and found them to be merely vapor, though they seemed very real, at the time.  What better way to know and feel the power of love than through the absence of it?

Loving or Aggressive?

I have heard repeatedly that humans have an aggressive nature, a warlike tendency.  Within me, that part is certainly present, though not expressed.  I have felt it recently and acted on it in the past.  However, there is also the love, God, compassion, peaceful part, which I have also felt and witnessed in others.  That part is in each of us.  Which part gets expressed seems to depend on which part a person “feeds”, which part a person believes in and encourages.  Unfortunately, much of TV and movies feeds the aggressive/violent part.  Personally, I now support the love part, which feels truer and very strong.  The aggressive part has always felt hollow, which makes me question whether it is, in fact, our true nature.

Trustnig The Process

Without going into details for confidentiality reasons, decisions were made, over the past weeks, concerning one of my clients that, initially, I did not agree with.  My concern was that the decisions were harmful to the welfare of my client.  During meditation, when I got into a peaceful, receptive state, I heard/felt “do not be concerned the universe is unfolding as it should”, which I, then, assumed to be true and found very comforting.  I went about my dealings with this client/situation believing that everything would work out in the end, no matter how unlikely that seemed at the time.  I was careful to take the actions that seemed, intuitively, to be right and motivated by love and integrity, rather than fear.  I was especially careful concerning actions I did not want to take because they put myself at risk.  Today it seems that everything will, indeed, work out for everyone’s benefit.

The Transcendental Place

There is a place between the absolute and the conscious mind that we have access to, with practice. I will call it the transcendent place, which, I believe, is what it has been called before. Another name which has been given to this place by me, Jill Bolte Taylor and others is "La-La land". A person can approach (get near it but not there, quite) this place through conscious thought, as in prayer, meditation, or things like intense dance, walking in the woods, climbing a mountain, etc.. How a person gets there differs from person to person, once there, the transcendent place varies little. It can then be accessed by allowing it to happen, but not willing it to happen. Only by allowing not willing it or striving for it. Then when it happens, it feels like a gift and a surprise. Conscious thought, even thinking “I’m doing it!” or “boy, this is neat!” dissipates it. All of a sudden the incessant chatter of the brain stops and a person feels the oneness of all things together with a feeling of great peace and a sense of euphoria, no language while there, only upon return. A person feels the “Unborn, eternal, imperishable, original” Self.

Connection

Generally, when I work with a family or individual I am able to connect with them and we can then do genuine healing work together.  What I mean by “connect” is that either consciously or unconsciously they allow me to join with their essence or energy field, what others have called the “authentic self”.  Within this connection there is a strong feeling of a deep and authentic connection.  On rare occasions I cannot make that connection, there is no joining, usually due to previous hurt that the person has experienced.  Then, the interaction feels flat and superficial.  Without such a joining, I am just using words from outside of the person.  It’s like running a race with a broken leg, not very effective.