Harmony

Today felt harmonious, like everything was in order, from blessing the land and trees this morning to wiring the money for our new house to making deviled eggs (yum!) this afternoon. As I have mentioned in the past, I have been feeling lost, frustrated and in the midst of change. Today I was alright with the changing nature of everything. I have been reflecting on the comment by Walsch that "There is nothing scary about life, if you are not attached to the results". Very true. I have and continue to be attached to the way things were. It’s time to just enjoy the feeling of harmony.

My Humanity

I have been crafting a query letter to be sent out to potential literary agents in the hope of attracting one to represent and promote me and my writing. My letter is an attempt to convince them to take a chance on me, basically a one page letter promoting me and my writing. I do not do well with self-promotion. I have great difficulty in seeing my own gifts and unique abilities clearly. I also tend to get down on myself about my feelings of anger, frustration and impatience about my physical condition. I want to be better than I am and do not fully recognize how good that is! Being all too human comes to mind.

A Sacred Spot

This evening Maria and I attended a weekday meeting at the Sandy Springs Friend’s church and before the service we walked around the attached cemetery. While walking around the cemetery I felt drawn to a huge, very old, beautiful tulip poplar near the center. I felt the tree call to me, inviting me to be with it and, at the same time, Maria suggested I do the same. I went over and connected with the massive presence of the tree. My impression was that it had been watching over the cemetery, a sacred place, for a long time. The spot had been made sacred by the people and spirits who treated it as such, a valuable lesson for me.

Change 2

The most important activity today was to re-organize my computer files and get rid of most of the files I used for my previous career, very cathartic and meaningful. I do have to keep my client files for six years, but that is a separate issue. It felt important for me to do this in recognition of the change and I feel very good about it, sort of a symbolic rite of passage. I have also begun a query letter in my efforts to find a literary agent. I keep thinking of the comment by John C. Sawhill, that "To attain excellence, you must care more than others think wise, risk more than others think safe and dream more than others think practical".

Trust

Given the love for all that I spoke of yesterday, I also trust people completely - to be themselves. Thinking of the story of the man who rescues a snake only to have the snake bite him when it became healthy, I love the snake and assume it will bite me if it has the opportunity. Similarly, I feel a great love for my fellow humans but know we will do silly, shortsighted, destructive things out of a confused self-interest. I have certainly done that in my past. The love I now feel is unconditional. However, I also strive to not let it color my perceptions, rather to clarify them.

Love

Many years ago I asked, in a sweat lodge, to see things the way God does. Then again several years ago I returned from my meditation and found that I retained the loving attitude I found there. Seeing and connecting with everything and every body in a loving way is a major part of what I asked in that lodge years ago. "We read the papers. We grieve the suffering. But many of us think, God has a plan, and we believe----still----that its name is love. Not a silly love. Not a childish love. But a powerful love, an awesome love so aligned with God that it will change all things" (Marianne Williamson). Given that, I see reality and people for what they are and love them in the process. I love the trees for being trees, ants and cockroaches for being themselves and all individuals for being themselves. With some individuals that means that I don’t want to be around them and, sometimes, that they should be behind bars.

Sorting Time

It is Sunday evening and I have been spending most of my time these last couple of days performing mindless tasks like shredding or just sitting, staring and contemplating my situation. These days have been sorting time, resting time. As I rest I can feel myself getting emotionally and spiritually stronger, feeling gratitude and love for all things. We have also been looking into some of the available trucks and will, hopefully, buy one tomorrow. Life goes on - just slowly and carefully.