Paradox

I have been working on my next book today, a book based on the empty-fullness of life on this planet. The book will be based on the observation that as Beattie put it "life isn't just mysterious and unpredictable, it can be unbearably cruel and breathtakingly wondrous, sometimes at the same time." The book will be based on the paradox of life on this planet. A paradox that the pain and discomfort in my own life has driven me to become familiar with. I now see life as a beautiful process of growth in love, a profound shift in thinking, but then years ago I did ask to see things the way God does.

Balance

I continue to push forward as far as writing a query letter and getting a literary agent. Doing so still sounds and feels right amid the chaos of setting up my new life in Maryland. It’s engrossing to observe myself go from grandiose, overly confident thoughts to feeling worthless within a matter of a few minutes. The transition is not quite fun - but certainly entertaining. I realize that I am between the two extremes.

Self-care

Today, in addition to minor activities like ordering checks and paying bills, I closed on a house in Columbia MD. The actual closing was logistically simple and only took a few minutes. My tendency is to consider the process as being emotionally "not a big deal". However the tension in my neck and not sleeping well lead me to the realization that it was a big deal. I need to allow any emotions to come up, limit my other activities and get more rest. Basic self-care.

Taking Action

I have now written the central core of my query to literary agents and selected three agencies to target. The whole process is a blend of reading, listening to human advice and asking for spiritual guidance, all the time reflecting on the three questions that are the central focus of my book (would I do this in front of God, is it really my responsibility, will this increase the integrity of the universe). I don’t take any action until it feels right.

Harmony 2

Earlier today, on our way to getting more keys for our newish truck, I commented to Maria that I "just felt good", meaning enjoying harmony and being in the flow of life. I am reminded of the comment by Green S.J., that "if we persevere despite our disorientation, we begin to realize that it is only being lost, in losing ourselves, that we are found." This move has been difficult, no question. I am beginning to see an opening and feel some clarity - in the fog. For today I will take that and enjoy it.

Choice

This was another day when I felt harmonious and on track. It is a good idea for me to stay active and focus on things like gratitude and love. Alternatively I can focus on pain, limited physical capability and the physical discomfort of heat and humidity. Neither choice impacts on or changes reality. However the former feels a great deal better.