White Lies

In my view love is always honest and acting out of love always increases the integrity of the universe, very simple.  This view also flies in the face of the belief that “white lies” are necessary and that to tell the truth in some situations is cruel or harmful, which was mentioned in the men’s group tonight.  White lies are generally ways of avoiding the truth or its consequences, an approach that seems quite reasonable in a superficial relationship like employer to employee or passing conversations on the street, and I tend to use diplomacy in those situations.  When I do tell a white lie in more intimate situations, I generally go back and apologize, thinking that the people I care about are worth more than that.
My position is that it is possible to tell the truth, do it gently and lovingly and not be harmful in any way.  For example, if asked “do you think my outfit is attractive” when you do not think it is, to respond with a simple “no” could be harmful and would not increase the integrity of the universe.  It is also possible to respond with something like “I generally find you attractive but I do not like that particular outfit”, being honest without causing harm.  Another honest response could be “I think it best not to answer that question since I have unreasonable and unrealistic beliefs about appearance and/or body type that come from my upbringing/culture and have nothing to do with you”.  Admittedly, either of the more loving responses would potentially lead to a more complicated discussion.  However, either of those response would also lead to greater intimacy and growth.

Changing Attitudes & Behaviors

In terms of behaviors and attitudes, I have been stuck, relatively immobile, most of my life, though not recently.  My stuckness was not due to my upbringing, low self-esteem, intellect or any of a number of other things which I originally thought were the cause.  It was due to the fear of change, a lack of trust and faith.  I have, more recently, changed my attitude to that of love and faith with the result that the fears have dissolved.  Change and fluidity have become a part of my life and I enjoy the situation, it feels more natural.
Several people in my life are also stuck in lives that they either don’t enjoy or that they are actively trying to get away from.  One way to do that is to simply punch through the fears and change.  Another way is to first work on increasing the feelings of love and faith and then change.  I use the latter and find it more successful.

Love, Peace, Connectedness and Compassion

I realized today, that I am losing touch with the drama of the human experience.  Because of my connection with God, I inhabit a world of love, peace, connectedness and compassion.  It is an absolute world so there is no corresponding apathy, hate, fear, feeling of chaos or loneliness, it is a bit strange.  The drama that has been present most of my life is gone, other than in memory, and occasional lapses, which keep me alert.  I still also hear the chatter of my brain at times, but for the most part I enjoy doing nothing, as I did yesterday.
In addition to enjoying being quiet, doing nothing and simply feeling at peace, there are many related benefits.  For example, I feel little or no need to prove myself or justify my actions, I am content being Charlie.  Another example is that I am preparing to lead a retreat and I passionately want people to grow as a result, but what form that takes makes little difference.  The retreat could simply stir up negative thoughts, resulting in them resenting me and ultimately the retreat would still lead to their growth.  A third example is that my future path is totally up in the air and I am good with that.  Understanding is not required!