Receptive Allowing

Today I facilitated and participated in a great deal of empathic, loving listening, presence and healing.  I was reminded of the comments by Claremont deCastillejo in Knowing Woman, “In those rare moments when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder; when all are allowed and none displaces any other in the mind of a man, then that man, though he may utter no word is in an attitude of prayer.  Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh." It was wonderful and very meaningful for me to be a part of that sort of healing today.

Attachment & Letting Go

The process of moving has been a real eye opener for me in terms of attachments.  I fully recognize that any attachments result in my being a less free and able to just keep flowing within the river of life.  We had been at the previous location for twenty years and had our sweat lodges for fifteen.  When it came time to move, on a conscious level, I knew it was time to move on and that we would, in fact, lose nothing.  However, the move also stirred me up and was difficult for me, part of me wanted to hold on to things as they were.
Another aspect of the move was/is that it is a time for us to divest ourselves of unneeded objects.  I come from a family that never got rid of anything, they would simply put it in storage and keep it, thus avoiding some of the painful part of letting go.  When I encounter things I no longer need, I initially think thoughts like “that belonged to my mother!” or “that is valuable!” or “most people would not appreciate that!”, rather than simply letting them go and moving on, which is what I do, eventually.  I feel a greater sense of freedom when I can appreciate and enjoy the items at the time, and then let them go.

What Matters

We had our monthly men’s group tonight, which was very enjoyable, a period of deep introspection coupled with strong connection.  During the meeting, when it was my turn, I shared that I really enjoyed my life and had no concerning issues.  The response of the group was a mixture of admiration, wonderment and questioning.  One person even commented, questioningly “so, your life is perfect” to which I responded “no” since I am getting older, disabled, have a speech impediment and am in some degree of pain much of the time.  The simple fact, that I realized more strongly at that time, is that the challenges that stem from my physical body mean nothing other than a minor inconvenience to me.  Those transient physical challenges have little impact on the eternal “I am”, which is where my focus is.

Connecting With Life

A wonderful day of connecting with a variety of living things; plants, birds and people.  I sensed that the trees in our new back-yard were wanting to connect with me, so I went out to be with them for a while.  I walked around the yard to each of them, acknowledging what fine specimens they each were and allowed them to enfold me in their own nurturing and scents.  The experience was an enjoyable period of connection and presence.  I then experienced a similar connection with the birds, particularly the cobalt blue and black Stellar Jays.
I also experienced a more normal, loving and strong connection with Maria and a client.  With each of them I was able to clear away my own concerns, focus on them, be present and employed deep listening.

Life Is Good

Tonight, immediately after a recovery meeting, I was hugging a woman who I know well, and who is currently having an emotionally difficult time.  As I was hugging her I commented that “life is good.........sometimes we just don’t know it yet”.  This particular woman used to be a rager, and is now very empathic, compassionate, understanding and loving.  Similar to my own situation and progression, she made that transition, in part, due to emotionally difficult times, times that were very unpleasant but, ultimately, that had a beneficial effect.
Today, having gone through the recent move, I feel a lot of gratitude for who I am and the fact that I have enough of everything.  Being “lost in a trackless desert” is just right, for now.  Meaning, I have no clue why, but it feels right to be here in this new house within Flagstaff.  There was a strong sense of the move being divinely guided and I cooperated by doing the next right thing.

Following A Spiritual Path

A quiet day of unpacking and learning to fit in to our new place, which is in-town, decidedly mainstream (we are not!) and a bit more than half the size of our previous dwelling.  I did not interact/connect with anyone other than Maria today, very nice.  Both of us are wondering where this transition will lead us.  We just know that the move feels right.  As T. Green, S.J. points out, leading a life of prayer is like “being lost in a trackless desert”.  I simply go and do where I am directed.  Understanding is not required.

Listening To My Body

Yesterday we began moving in to our new home and today we finished.  Primarily, what I did was to stay out of the way, which is what I do when there is a lot of physical activity, since I am so slow due to my disability.  The important thing to me is that during a quiet time I was able to reflect on my feelings about the move for a while and I cried a bit.  I always tell people to pay attention when they cry, since crying means something significant is happening.  In this case, they were tears of gratitude and a knowing that the move was very significant for my process.  I cannot say that I fully understand why, but I have learned to pay attention when I cry, for the reason I just said.  In my case, the tears are an important indication of a significance that I know about only subconsciously and that I may get to through meditation, which I will try now.