Recovery

In my recovery meeting tonight we primarily talked about one of the guidelines we follow in the recovery process, making amends. That part of the meeting was good but it also lacked the feelings of passion, love and support that is often present when people bring up the day-to-day issues they are wrestling with, "the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives". Then one person brought up an issue and the feeling of the meeting immediately shifted to love and support. Both themes are necessary in the recovery process, guidelines within an environment of loving support. "We can cultivate an environment among us which will foster one another’s spiritual growth by directing and redirecting intention and attention to God; by discouraging what draws us away; by loving support for each other in the vicissitudes of our utterly human lives; by respecting and cherishing the uniqueness of each life." (Loring)

Choice

Personally I am now ready and willing to turn away from worldly distractions and the pursuit of "money, power and prestige" in favor of living a life of service, compassion and Love. I make this choice having lived many years attempting to find fulfillment in the more worldly pursuits and finding them lacking. I made an exhaustive attempt which was an important and critical part of my path. Most people in this culture are not yet done with the worldly pursuits and it is important for me to realize that is just fine - perfect in fact! Some people feel bad that they choose the dark rather than the light and my advice to them is "don’t feel bad just enjoy your choice". "I [George Fox] saw the infinite love of God. I saw that there was an ocean of darkness and death, but an infinite ocean of light and love which flowed over the ocean of darkness."

Choice

At least once a day in the early morning and often several times during the day I am faced with a choice between acting in accordance with that "small quiet voice", that of God/love, or some worldly alternative. The small quiet voice almost always would have my actions be other directed, selfless and loving. These are actions that are long term, very fulfilling and ones that "increase the integrity of the universe". The alternatives are generally self directed, ego driven and instantly or quickly gratifying. At this point in life I usually choose the loving option. When I was young I usually chose the alternative and did not listen to the small quiet voice. "From everywhere, it seems, we are bombarded with the idea that our nature is innately violent, that our chief preoccupation is with our sexuality, and that our main purpose in life is the acquirement of ever more nifty possessions.......Indeed, if is only through the practice of inner silence that we can begin to disentangle ourselves from our culture and its illusions."

Self-Examination

I have done a great deal of self-examination through journaling, attending workshops, contemplation and taking several, personal, in-depth inventories and I have learned to love and respect all of the person I found - me. I spent many years of my life trying to "hide" from my shadow side, the hurt, angry, antisocial part of myself, pretending it was not there - an exhausting and unsuccessful effort. I do not like my shadow side, but I do love and respect it. That part of me is still there, and shows its face occasionally but I choose not to act on it. "Jesus said, ‘Let the one who seeks not stop seeking until he finds. When he finds he will become troubled; when he becomes troubled, he will be astonished and will rule over all things.’" from the gospel of Thomas.

Belief

I am in no way "worthy" and I intentionally follow no creed and yet I have been granted many spiritual gifts, not the least being that I am still alive, functioning at a high level and have a life full of joy, peace and love. Tonight my wife even referred to me as a "bad boy, turned good". I have done many antisocial things and spent much of my life being self-centered and unpleasant. I now lead a life that is focused on being of service to others and have a very strong, mystical connection to the force or power I call God. I have learned that the words used and the creed followed are human in origin and make little or no difference. The present life lived does matter. "The fruits of the Spirit have been translated as ‘love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control’" (Galatians 5:23 NJB)

Staying On Track 2

I keep in mind the words of Seeger when he wrote "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large." I maintain my feeling of love and inner harmony through my daily practices of exercise, self-care, service work, spiritual reading, journaling and meditation. I also minimize activities that disrupt that harmony like TV, excessive caffeine, news reports and politics. I enjoy the resulting feeling!