Options

Maria and I came to MD from AZ, began staying, temporarily, in Maria’s mother’s house and looking at house of our own. There have been many minor realizations along the way, such as gratitude and anger at the movers or that in many ways we do not fit with today’s culture. We have also been looking for a "sign" about where to live. The fact is that we have been presented with a very good realtor who has shown us many affordable housing opportunities. We have been shown houses in many neighborhood and some very rural all in various states of repair. I take that to mean that, to some extent, it does not matter where we settle. Each area will present its own gifts and challenges, different but all possible.

Prayer and Meditation

The topic for the recovery meeting today was "prayer and meditation", a topic and practice I feel passionate about, and depend on. The importance of prayer and meditation also keeps coming up in my life. Practicing prayer and meditation daily has changed my life, particularly during times of turmoil and stress like right now. I have found true the comment by Dubay that "When one is anchored deeply in the divine solution to all problems, outer turmoil cannot disturb the inner tranquility. It is a peace that surpasses all understanding." During the day and in other recent conversations it is apparent that most people find similar benefits from prayer and meditation. It is also apparent that they consider the practice to be an optional part of the day. I do not consider it optional.

Change/transformation

I recently read an article comparing life to a series of trapeze swings. The article suggested that we go through periods of relative comfort during which we have become familiar with the predictability of a given life situation, or trapeze bar. We then go through periods of change during which it seems that we are "hurtling through space" on our way to another trapeze bar. The author suggests that the period of transition between trapeze bars, like I am going through now, is extremely important, which I have found to be true. The author summarizes his point nicely; "And so transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to hang out in the transition between trapeze bars. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening, in the true sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly."

Life Of Prayer

I am in the process of forming a physical, emotional and spiritual foundation for the life adventure I have begun and, as with the beginning of other adventures, this is not easy. I have to continually ask for guidance and support and, as has been written by Thomas H. Green, S.J., "The life of prayer is perhaps the most mysterious dimension of all human experience. We come to be at home with a God we cannot see. We discover that it is only by giving ourselves away totally that we truly come to possess ourselves, that we are most free when most surrendered. We begin to realize that light is darkness and darkness light. We become lost in a trackless desert — and then, if we persevere despite our disorientation, we begin to realize that it is only being lost, in losing ourselves, that we are found. The whole of our life and not just our prayer life, becomes a paradox, an apparent contradiction concealing and revealing a deeper truth, because we begin to realize that we must live as we pray." I will persevere.

Connection

Today I saw a video of a small bird landing on his podium while Bernie Sanders spoke and then a second video of a bald eagle being agitated by and then attacking Donald Trump. The differing responses of the birds to these two men reminded me of the fact that before recovery and shifting to a loving attitude, bees of all kinds used to leave their nests, seek me out and sting me, sometimes up to thirty times. At that time I was angry, judgmental and confused. I have not been stung once since entering recovery and shifting my attitude. In fact, twice now, I have walked into nests of hornets and wasps only to have them leave their nests and warn me by head-butting my glasses. They did not perceive me as a threat and chose not to sting me. In each case I was startled and simply backed off, quickly! To me these examples demonstrate that we are all connected, energetically, and that we can be sensitive to the intentions of others.

A Loving Approach

Today I was very much aware of being a source of love and peace in the midst of the fear, negativity and chaos of day-to-day life. Nothing particularly remarkable happened, I just encountered various circumstances and people who were a bit negative and fearful in their approach, in an attempt at avoiding potentially negative outcomes. My approach does not change the outcomes at all - life just happens. I just approach life with a more loving attitude described well by Walsch when he wrote "Embrace every circumstance, own every fault, share every joy, contemplate every mystery, walk in every man’s shoes, forgive every offense (including your own), heal every heart, honor every person’s truth, adore every person’s God, protect every person’s rights, preserve every person’s dignity, promote every person’s interests, provide every person’s needs, presume every person’s holiness, present every person’s greatest gifts, produce every person’s blessing, and pronounce every person’s future secure in the assured love of God."

Being Of Service

One of the other attendees at the Friend’s (Quaker) meeting I went to this morning spoke of the need for each of us to push ourselves in order to be a model and guide for others to follow, a point I am very familiar with since that is what I am doing, having just moved to MD from AZ. The action on my part feels very vital and right. I keep thinking of a quote I heard many years ago, that "To attain excellence, you must care more than others think wise, risk more than others think safe and dream more than others think practical".