Allowing

Today it seemed that events surrounding the coming changes were happening very quickly and that we were moving closer to our leaving date. The people who are buying our house came by to take a final look and make plans on where to put various of their possessions. They have also made the last of their financial arrangements. We have made final arrangements to sell our truck and give away some last items we will not need. We have also made our final arrangements for the coming move with our moving company. My role is to take the necessary action, allow events to take place and enjoy the ride

Surrender

The topic for the recovery meeting today was "surrender", specifically to the disease of alcoholism and then the following of "God’s will", both simple but not easy. I have worked very hard at surrendering all aspects of my life, asking for guidance and then doing the next right thing. The reason for my approach is that it gives me a lot of peace. For example, with the coming changes in living location and career I just assume I will be given the necessary guidance and that everything will work out.

Material Things

Tonight I worked for a while on firming up some of the joints in our dining room chairs in preparation for moving. The chairs are hand made, kitchen, Windsor side chairs made of mixed woods and are a little less than two hundred years old. They are a set of five (used to be six) that I purchased at an auction many years ago because they were cheap and no-one wanted them. They were in rough, as is, condition. I really like them because they were obviously made with care, respect for the qualities of the different types of wood and by hand. It is also obvious that they have each had a varied, rich and difficult at times life. I respect and enjoy their presence.

Faith

I ventured, for a time, into very human feelings of loss, grief, anticipation and worry about the changes that are now taking place in my life and possible future outcomes and challenges. I was preoccupied with potential or real events from the past or future. In any case my feelings took me out of the present. Right now I choose to be in the present and also have the confidence or faith that the future will turn out well, if I pay attention and do the next right thing.

Taking Action

It’s time for me to step up and be the person I can be if I stay humble, always act according to the three questions that are the central focus of my book and keep God as my partner. That all sounds like a tall order, requiring a lot of discipline and it is if I look at the big picture but not if I stick to considering individual small tasks. For example, today the office of deeds and certificates in NC called wanting additional information in order for them to find my father’s death certificate. I asked Maria, my wife, to respond for me since I have difficulty communicating due to my speech impediment. I then realized that it would "increase the integrity of the universe" if I made the call myself. I asked for guidance and support and made the call which, of course, went very well and they found the certificate, very simple. I need to make similar choices in other, less trivial, aspects of my life, and then model that for others.

Prayer & Meditation

It’s now morning and I feel refreshed, clear, alert & at peace. Yesterday I spent a good bit of time, several hours, considering (not fretting) various future housing options. Then last night I had very poor sleep because of fretting over those same options. I then spent a couple of hours praying, meditating and turning my life & will over, decidedly not thinking about housing options. After that I started what I call "zoning", a form of deep meditation which begins with a focus on the absolute feelings of love, gratitude & peace. All of a sudden it was three hours later and I feel wonderful!

The Love Force

I had a "near death experience" (N.D.E.) and, at that time I was told "This is what it feels like to be dead", a force or feeling that I identify with extreme and unconditional love. I experienced none of the imagery generally reported by others who have experienced an N.D.E, just the force or feeling. That force or feeling is constant among the reports, the imagery is not. I use the word "God" for what I experienced, but the use of that name is not important. That creative force, whatever name a person uses is important. In quantum physics they talk about and use forces to alter particles, the similarity is unmistakable..