Self Image

  The normal or average outcome for someone with my diagnosis (cerebellar degeneration) is that they never get better, continue to worsen and then die, though the timescale varies up to several years after diagnosis.  In my case I did get better and it is now thirty-five years after diagnosis so I am abnormal, an outlier, an exception, a white crow.  I have been using imaging and the power of love for the last thirty-five years with good results and I am extremely grateful.  When I was in grad school one of my professors said “treasure your exceptions” because that is where the learning is.  I am an exception and I need to acknowledge that, for my own self image.

Recovery

  At this point I have largely gotten over those “defects of character” and negative thoughts that plagued me and held me back for so many years.  Today I have been reflecting on the process by which I gave them up.  I definitely needed to become aware and talk about them, which took me several years.  For the last step I did not work on them directly but focused on my connection with God/love.  I focused on filling my life with love and acting on that love then the defects did not exactly vanish but they got quiet and no longer ruled my life.

“Seek not humility.  Seek God.  Through God you will find humility.  Sought as an end, humility will run in a circle and bring you directly back to pride.

“Seek not for faith to move mountains.  Seek God first.  Perhaps the mountains do not need moving, perhaps He will lift you up above the mountains which may be better than moving them.

“Seek not pleasure neither of body nor of soul.  This too is a gift, eluding those who seek it   seek God, for He alone is able to give joy, which is infinitely finer than pleasure.

“Seek not power, not even power to do great deeds.  Seek God and Him alone, and power will flow from you in ways and times which are hidden from you.” p 31-32

from Our Hearts Are Restless, by Gilbert Kilpack,