Worry Does Not Help

Typically, by doing things like listening to the news, going to the doctor, listening to the fears expressed by others or even listening to my own brain, I can convince myself that there are really things I should worry about, that my worries are justified and that worry will somehow help the situation.  Part of me wants to take this approach rather than realizing that my worries are basically vapor and a total waste of time and energy.  The best that I have found that I can do is to feel the feelings, recognize them as vapor, let them pass and return to my spiritual practices.  I am then more equipped to deal with whatever happens.

Remembering Love & Health

I went to the doctor again today, in order to complete some more testing.  This particular testing was for lung function, and, as usually happens, the result was that I was a bit better than average, for my age.  Another result that usually happens is that I allowed the fear approach of allopathic medicine to creep into my life.  I begin to question my health and what I am doing with my life.  Like I said a couple of days ago “I am fickle and easily influenced”.  As M. Williamson says “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment—or unlearning—of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.

Unconditional Acceptance

Today, I made some people very uncomfortable by questioning what they were doing or not doing to advance themselves emotionally and spiritually, the “afflicting the comfortable” part of my role.  They were choosing to not do the simple things that would help themselves, but also activities that required some discipline.  One of the points I made is that their lack of action in no way affected my warm feelings or lack of judgment toward them, something I was taught through God’s unconditional acceptance of me.  Another point that I made was that it was normal and seemed easiest to not take the actions which took discipline and work to do.

Adding To The Love

The amount of power that I have, in terms of influencing others, scares me.  My role is simple, but not easy.  As I said yesterday my role is to remain open and write things down with as little bias as possible.  Meaning, to be aware and screen out ego and subjective bias as much as possible.  I also attempt to live according to the same concepts of love, acceptance and connectedness.  It impresses me that if I carry and broadcast these concepts, my presence influences those who I contact, and then they pass it on.  It feels vital and important to have a positive role and to add to the love in the world.

Not Responsible For Outcomes

A day of rest & relaxation, very nice.  I went to a movie, went to a recovery meeting, took a nap, did some cooking, watched the birds at the feeders and did some weeding of the yard.
I am in the process of writing a book, based on my journal entries converted into suggestions of attitudes & behaviors that a person could adopt for a more peaceful and aware life, while also adding to the amount of love in the universe.  It is a very intense process, involving a lot of connection and guidance from the power or force I call God.  My job seems to be simply remaining open and writing things down with as little bias as possible.  I have no idea where this will lead or if anyone will ever read what I write and that seems to matter not at all.  What matters is that I do my part, the rest is not my responsibility.

Tendency To Worry

Two days ago I spoke of going to the doctor and being influenced by her attitudes and comments, causing me to worry about possible future problems, very real possibilities but no real reason to worry.  The same sort of thing happens when I listen to the news or read the paper.  I begin to worry about things that are either out of my control, none of my business or may never happen.  I prefer to think and feel that “the universe is unfolding as it should”, but I am fickle and easily influenced.  I prefer to live in peace and love, dealing with reality as it happens.  On the other hand, news reports, TV and newspapers are frequently designed to enhance the drama and, often, cause a person to worry.

Uncertainty

One of the expressions which I hear in my recovery meetings is “when one door closes, another one opens, but it’s hell in the hallway”.  The expression means that the process of growth & change in recovery involves moving from one set of activities or ideas to another set, but the uncertainty of the period of tine in between the activities (doors) is unpleasant.  To me, at present, it feels like I am permanently in the hallway   Everything feels transient, uncertain and I do not feel attached to anything.  The hallway also feels true, free and I enjoy it.