THE POWER OF LOVE

A couple of hours ago, I returned from a physical therapy appointment to help in my current recovery, the mere thought of which brings me tears of gratitude since I have been waiting to "get worse and then die" for years.  I was told to expect that by several members of the medical community.

Back in 1995 I was in the midst of preparing for the first of four vision quests.  As part of that preparation, I spoke with several doctors, given my disabled and apparently fragile condition.  They told me that I would probably die.  I the spoke with a Navajo elder who said simply "I guess you better stop talking to doctors, then".  What he did not say is that most doctors do not think in terms of the power of love or the healing power of love and other healing practices like vision quests.

In 1988 I was diagnosed by DR. David Zee at Johns Hopkins hospital with Cerebellar Degeneration/Atrophy, a disease I understood to be progressive, degenerative and terminal. At that time I was in what would normally be considered the last stages. I was using crutches, my doctors were telling me to use a wheelchair and I was in P.T. learning to crawl. I was in extreme pain and spent most of my free time in bed.  After a period of depression following diagnosis, I began a daily healing meditative practice using the power of love.  I have continued that practice 1-3 times a day for the last 37 years. Most mornings I get up at 2-3:00 A.M. for an hour of prayer and meditation.  The result is that I have partially recovered from the cerebellar problem and fully recovered from numerous other problems (hypothyroidism, heart arrhythmia with PVCs, reflex sympathetic dystrophy, lung problems, tinnitus, athletes foot and undiagnosed cancer).

I have once again begun recovering from the cerebellar problem and hope the recovery continues. I believe that the medical community is wonderful and that they do great things, but that they are limited.  What I have just described is not possible according to the medical community.  Boy am I grateful!

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

 It seems to be time to write something in my blog again, at least that is what "guidance" is saying and I always do what I am told, at least at this point in my life and in response to "that" voice.  Several years ago I chose as my goal, "changing the world, one person at a time"  My goal remains the same but when I work with spirits it is more than one.  At this point, I would like the world to see, feel, know and understand the loving reality I live in.  As such, I will try to describe my experiences every day or so.  Before I get started I would like to make it clear that "I know enough to know I do not know"

Listening

  Today I have been reflecting on the importance of listening or what is commonly called deep listening to all people and everything else.  I Have found over and over again with living people, spirits, plants and dog spirits that one of the most important things I can do is listen.  Listening provides a strong foundation so that we can do whatever we are called to do.  I listen with respect and love for the entity I am communicating with.  My belief is usually they have something of importance about their situation I need to hear if I am going to be of any significance to them.  They often have something important for me to hear, which I have learned from several people who get overlooked or dismissed.  Traditionally, I have been one of those people since I am very different and do not speak clearly.  I have something to say for those who will listen.

Healing

  This is another event that could not have happened, but did and the only reason I know it was real  is I recall clearly how it felt ... the power of it.  I have accessed and used that healing power many times.  I use a shadow of that power daily for my own healing.  I can access that power and use it but it is not mine. Quit a gift.

It was around the year 2000 while guiding sweat lodges and living in Flagstaff, AZ.  I was guiding myself and three others through the last of the third round in our small Navajo style lodge.  One large round stone was brought in and it rolled out of the pit in my direction, splitting open to reveal its bright red interior.  In the process of trying to get out of its way, I put my hand on the exposed red part. The lodge was quickly filled with the sizzling sound and the smell of burning flesh.  I must have been in some sort of trance because I felt no pain.  I simply told them it would be OK and to close the door for the last round.  I could feel the power of healing during that round and when the round was over my hand was healed ... not even a scar.  I needed to know that feeling and have used it since.

Spirits

  During a winter several years ago (1996?) I was in a Flagstaff neighborhood changing into my sweat duds prior to a lodge.  Just before the lodge a young native with long, flowing black hair, buckskin pants and bare feet showed up.  We acknowledged each other, but did not talk.  He sat next to me in the lodge.  When it came time for him to pray, I waited but he was no longer there ... only an empty space.

That was my first visitation by a spirit and it really shocked me since I was a “regular whiteboy” at that time, Since then I have been visited several times and rather than being freaked out, I enjoy the energetic feeling.  I particularly enjoy sitting with spirits and/or living people and broadcasting the feeling of love, peace, God and harmony. Doing that several times a week changes my focus.

Sitting With a Plant

  The other day one of our rhododendrons was showing wilted leaves which we took as sign of being infected with a fungus so I decided to go sit with it.  As usual I asked for guidance and also asked the surrounding plants to join us along with my wife.  It turns out that most plants really like the sense of community.  It turned out that the plant was infected and close to death.  The fungus was accustomed to being alone and not familiar with the feeling of community so I was able to show it how community felt.  The rhododendron and the fungus negotiated and I listened along with Maria and the rest of the community.  It was an energetically stirring event.  The fungus chose to back off but the plant died.  I was reminded of my own personal struggles to choose the very difficult path of staying alive.

Working With Others

  I work with several people over the phone each week as spiritual mentor or sponsor.  I also communicate with people, plants or animals during and between my various recovery meetings.  Prior to and often during each of those encounters I ask the Universe/God or whatever for support and guidance.  If I focus, listen and feel the connection, it is quite an experience.  It feels very energetic and I frequently use the term “buzzing” to describe it.  Of course that could all be my imagination — but I get good results.  It works so I suspect there is something real there.  This process is also spiritually nourishing for me, so I continue.

Synchronicity?

  In 1995, shortly after moving to Flagstaff, I was getting to know the Sundance/sweat lodge community and was invited to sit in the arbor for the coming Sundance.  My wife made it quite clear that she did not approve of the Sundance or my interest in that direction.  Not wishing to offend anyone or cause a problem, I asked the Universe for support and guidance.

A few days later I was sitting in my office and my secretary came back to tell me that there was a man out front who wished to speak to me.  She then brought back a dark skinned, very interesting looking young man.  I asked how I could help him and he told me that he had just come from California and that his name was Charlie Horton.  He said that he was walking through Flagstaff when he saw my plaque out front and decided to come in since we had the same name.  I then asked what he was doing in Flagstaff and he told me he was on the way to the Sundance!  I took that as a clear directive that I should attend the Sundance so I did.

While sitting in the arbor, I was invited by Charlie and other dancers to come forward and be blessed.  They stroked my head, shoulders and heart area with eagle feathers while chanting and dancing ... very moving.  I then returned to my seat in the arbor. While sitting there I very clearly felt someone or something stroking the top of my bald head with what felt like an eagle feather.  Assuming it was just a kid or someone behind me, I brushed them away.  This happened three more times and on the last time I turned around to find no-one there.  It was then I realized I was being blessed by the spirits ... also very moving.

When this happened I was left with the question of whether these events were evidence of a higher, guiding and loving consciousness or synchronicity and active imagination.  I chose to believe the former and since then, similar sequences have happened so many times that I am comfortable with that choice.

Space/time

  In 1988 I was diagnosed with cerebellar degeneration, a diagnosis I thought to be terminal since I was told “You will never get better and will probably continue to get worse’.  According to my research the expected outcome for someone in my condition was death after 2-5 years.

Shortly after my diagnosis I was leaving an occupational therapy appointment and feeling depressed.  I drove right into traffic on to a four lane road without hesitation, looking or caring.  I was planning to cross over to the furthest lane.  When I looked up, there were three cars about to hit me all going around 45 miles per hour, the closest being 15-20 feet.  I just thought “O.K., this is it”, and did not care.  At that point my car and I were jerked out of space/time and placed safely in the far lane.  There was no screeching of tires, honking or any indication that anyone saw anything amiss.  For me it felt very powerful and was traumatic. I did not speak of the event to anyone for over a month.  Even thinking of it shook me up.

I had/have heard various theories about linear time being an illusion or that time and space are really just an agreement between us.  I cannot say I understand the relationship between time, space and me.  However, I can say that time and space are not the simple immutable, sequential, linear events I once thought.  I also do not know the power that saved me.

My Process

  For the last several months I have been meditating/reflecting/contemplating in an effort to understand myself and the reality/world that I am living in.  I want to have a good picture of who or what I am, what reality is and how to interact with it  most effectively.  During this period I was not inspired to write so I did not.  I now feel inspired , so, for today, I am writing.

In some ways I am quite exceptional.  I can and have done many things that others cannot do.  I am also extremely bright and often see and understand this world differently than others.  In other ways I am just “another bozo on the bus”.  In some ways I am quite remarkable, in others totally ordinary and in others quite a mess.  It is important for me to respect, admit and love all aspects and act accordingly.  It is also important for me to realize that I am different and will be reacted to accordingly.

I have also concluded that reality is much larger and more complex than I previously thought, an understand which I hope to develop within coming entries.  For now I will just comment that we and other species are constantly interacting with the unseen reality(s) all around us.  The most definite conclusion I have made is that I do not understand what reality is, but that it is much more than I thought.  “I know enough to know I do not know”.