In my view love is always honest and acting out of love always increases the integrity of the universe, very simple. This view also flies in the face of the belief that “white lies” are necessary and that to tell the truth in some situations is cruel or harmful, which was mentioned in the men’s group tonight. White lies are generally ways of avoiding the truth or its consequences, an approach that seems quite reasonable in a superficial relationship like employer to employee or passing conversations on the street, and I tend to use diplomacy in those situations. When I do tell a white lie in more intimate situations, I generally go back and apologize, thinking that the people I care about are worth more than that.
My position is that it is possible to tell the truth, do it gently and lovingly and not be harmful in any way. For example, if asked “do you think my outfit is attractive” when you do not think it is, to respond with a simple “no” could be harmful and would not increase the integrity of the universe. It is also possible to respond with something like “I generally find you attractive but I do not like that particular outfit”, being honest without causing harm. Another honest response could be “I think it best not to answer that question since I have unreasonable and unrealistic beliefs about appearance and/or body type that come from my upbringing/culture and have nothing to do with you”. Admittedly, either of the more loving responses would potentially lead to a more complicated discussion. However, either of those response would also lead to greater intimacy and growth.
