Placebo Effect

Today I returned, once again, to the psychic healer that I go to in Oak Creek Village, near Sedona.  I was also reflecting on what most people refer to as the “placebo effect”, that results when trials are performed on potential medications.  It’s the effect that taking a sugar pill can have on the body, if a person believes that pill to be the actual medication.  To many people the placebo effect is just thought of a the imaginary effect of a sugar pill.  To me it simply demonstrates that the mind can and does have an effect on the physiological processes going on in the body.  I go to the psychic healer because another person’s mind, like the healer, can also impact on my own physiological processes.  We are connected.
I usually use a guided meditation of a lemon for the recovering people I work with.  In that meditation, I have them visualize a ripe, juicy lemon, which I have them cut into quarters and then bite down on.  The effect is almost always increased salivation and often being able to smell the lemon or have their mouth pucker up.  It is only a thought, there is no lemon, yet they have a strong and noticeable physiological response.  The response is not imaginary, though I find that some people think of it that way.
I have been using the placebo effect for many years to my benefit!

A Quiet Day

A quiet day of exercise, introspection and interaction with Maria, my wife.  I did my regular getting up at 2:00, spiritual activities until 4:00 and zoning until 6:00.  I spent the rest of the morning exercising, interspersed with computer work.
My introspection involved several periods of meditation and contemplation.  At first I checked myself for any fears or other feelings that I was trying to hide from.  I encountered minimal fear, some impatience with my disability, gratitude that my disability is as minor as it is and some self-doubt about the actual impact of the things I do, an interesting mix of feelings.  Most of my meditative time is spent on sorting through the events of the last several days.  I do this last by allowing my consciousness to drift over the events in an unstructured and non-sequential way.  I just observe the feelings come and go, without grasping or pushing them away.
I realize now that I interact with Maria in much the same way that I do my meditation and contemplation.  I don’t talk much since talking is difficult for me, but during the day we touch on a variety of topics, usually briefly.  I let the thoughts and feelings come and go without grasping or pushing them away.

Scientific Reality Versus Intuitive Reality

At my recovery meeting today one of my friends brought up that he was now beginning to explore his intuitive, psychic side, after spending his life believing only in the linear, logical, cause and effect side.  I congratulated and encouraged him!  I have a Ph.D. and was trained as a scientist to only really consider that logical, linear, cause and effect side.  One of the primary reasons I moved on from that approach was the realization that science was very practical, but could only elucidate a small portion of reality.  I wanted to explore, understand and live in a world that included things I could not “see, touch, feel”.  Trying to apply scientific inquiry to the intuitive, psychic, faith based side, simply does not work, much of the time.  They each represent different paradigms.  Each is quite real and valid, within its limits.  The intuitive, psychic, faith based side has saved my life and is largely responsible for making my life fulfilling.  I use them both, daily and at different times.

Universal Conduit

Some time ago, I was watching the movie Constantine, starring Keanu Reeves and he referred to water as the “universal conduit”.  That particular line/message really stood out to me during the movie and I knew to pay attention.  I have found water to be a very good conduit to “All That Is’, God or whatever you wish to call it.  I use the hot tub as part of my 2:00 A.M. morning ritual.  I find it really effective for personal healing and connection with God.  Partly because of the time of day and partly because of the conduit property of the water, that soak is my strongest meditation and connection each day.  I look forward to it.

Dealing With Fear

I spent a good portion of the day identifying and dealing with/feeling fear.  I experienced a visceral, almost nauseating feeling that something major, on a broad scale and extremely unpleasant is about to happen.  As usual, my fear is that I will not be able to cope with the change when/if it comes.  I generally refer to my fear as “galloping fear”, since it can basically fasten to anything (finances, relationships, future events, etc.).  Again, as usual, the fear feels very real, and I treat it as real, but the fact is that it has no real substance.  The event may not happen and the fear only happens in advance, when I think about the coming event, never when I am actually going through it. What I do is go into meditation, focus on the fear and let it flood my body, a very unpleasant feeling.  The feeling is very familiar at this point and I just let it go on until it dissipates.  The feeling is very strong and real, it is also illusory.

Connections

I have been carefully molded, that is clear.  In many ways I am different than my peers and in other ways, I am just like them.  I walk in two worlds, this transient one, and the “other side”, the eternal one.  Many people have walked this path before and I thank them for their guidance.  I “play my piano and sing my little song”, meaning I go on being Charlie.
I just met briefly with one of my sponsees.  I was instantly, totally focused and connected with him and God.  It was not something I tried to do.  It happened automatically with no volition on my part.  At other times, I have actually tried to resist this sort of transition, thinking I was too tired.  I could not.  It is a magical experience and profound healing can and does take place.  Others feel it to and respond thinking I am doing it.  I am just being a listening conduit to God.  I also sweat profusely, my nose runs and it is exhausting to do it more than a couple of hours without a break.

Relationships Matter

Today I did lots of connecting and interacting, in a variety of settings.  A wonderful day.  I am reminded of what I learned in early recovery, that “nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all”.  Most material things in the created order fall in the second category, they don’t matter at all, in the long view.  Love and relationships are the only things that matter and they matter a lot.  However, considering eternity and the universal, any one specific relationship is not critical.  I use “Would I care about this if I were on my deathbed” as my measure of importance.

Healing Touch

When I performed a healing yesterday, I accessed the transcendental (beyond words and intellect) love/God energy that I was first taught about in the sweat lodge, when it was used on me to heal a burn.  What I do is recall the feeling of that time, and other similar times, fill myself with that energy, funnel the feeling into my hands and then transmit it to the other person.  I also use the same healing technique on myself, at least twice each day.  The results are quite remarkable, some say miraculous.  On myself, I have healed several conditions that, typically, would require surgery.  On others the results have been similar.  Sometimes the results are immediate, sometimes long-term, sometimes nothing happens.  I act as a conduit and the outcome is not up to me.
When I first began doing healing work, I would access the feeling of unconditional love in the manner described above.  I would visualize various items that evoked that feeling, like babies, small children or favorite pets.  After several years I began to access the powerful, supportive feelings associated with sacred sites I had visited, like Chaco Canyon, the Black Hills, Bear Butte, the Grand Canyon or the San Francisco Peaks.  I found the healing power of the sacred sites to be stronger than unconditional love.  I now use the transcendental energy mentioned above, since I have found it to be strongest.

Achieving Happiness

I encountered a man today that made it quite clear that he was very smart, a doctor and had all the answers.  He knew that the main reason his life was not working, was because others did not understand things the way he did.  He was also not happy and his son was distant, angry and drug dependent.  He was in a trap made for him by his own intellect, a totally miserable place to be.  I have been in a similar “trap”, having done everything that my culture and upbringing said would make me happy, and still being miserable.  I cannot speak for him but I was also bewildered and confused, since I had done everything “right” and still felt terrible.  It actually felt like the more I accomplished, the worse I felt, definitely not what I expected!
I did not achieve happiness until I took my intellect off of its pedestal, and put my focus on love, connection, compassion and understanding. That switch sounds easy and straightforward when I write about it, it was not.  The switch to a “softer” way of life took a lot of strength and courage.

Pain, useful but unpleasant

I have experienced a great deal of physical pain since my diagnosis with cerebellar degeneration in 1988.  My level of pain caused me to sweat, have rapid and shallow breathing and caused my heart rate to rise.  I did not enjoy it!  However, the pain did have long-lasting and positive results in that it was purgative and unitive, as Christians would say. My pain and near death experiences were purgative in that they caused me to let go of my attachments to most (all?) transient things within the created order.  Very cleansing.  I found my pain to be unitive in that my connection (prayer of silence, meditation, contemplation) with God, what I learned and the strength I got was the only thing that reduced the pain and made it bearable.
I have come to rely on infused prayer daily to provide me with the strength and knowledge to keep participating in life and being of service to those around me.  Quite honestly, I don’t think this life would have been possible without the pain or the “dark nights” that St. John describes.
The resultant connection with God and my current way of life, cause me to think that my pain was worth what I went through.  My pain, near death experiences and dark nights of the soul have been very effective at stripping away everything other than the eternal truths of selfless love, compassion, inclusiveness and the oneness of all things.  I don’t think my realizations and increased connection could have been accomplished any other way, in my case.