Self-care

Maria and I went out to dinner tonight, not to an expensive establishment, but definitely more expensive than eating at home. The fact is that the money we spent would have provided home meals for closer to a week.  Her tendency, and mine to a lesser extent, is to think of that sort of thing as a waste of money, a limited resource for us.  Spending the extra money is an optional luxury for us but it is also a welcome respite and the action provides some variety, hard things to put a value on.  When money is tight, going out to dinner stops, but for now it seems to be worth it.

Assumptions & Projections

My tendency to make assumptions and project my own attitudes and ideas has been a major stumbling block to being objective and open to listening.  For example, if someone comes to talk to me about a problem with their current relationship I am likely to draw conclusions based on my beliefs about past relationships of theirs or other people, particularly if I know the partner.  The problem arises that I really believe my conclusions are correct rather than realizing they come from my own head, not listening.  My best tool for realizing when I am doing this is mindful meditation, oriented at looking at my source of information.

Being Silent To Listen Better

I am tremendously grateful for my developing ability to connect and listen.  Truly listening and the resultant ability to connect with everything and everyone has become one of the most important aspects of my current life.  In order to be able to truly listen I have largely eliminated my distracting “mind chatter” (judgment, criticism, assumption, etc.) together with being open to whatever information that comes through.  This applies to listening to people, other animals, plants, rocks or God, and still requires attention and focus.  However, the rewards are great.

Sensing The Energy Field

Today, a friend pointed out that I have a “presence”, which people sense and react to.  That presence is the love and acceptance I carry with me that comes from what I call God.  It is part of the energy field that surrounds me, similar to the energy field that surrounds an angry person that dogs and other people react strongly to.  I, regularly, make use of the energy fields around each of my clients since that part does not lie, like the verbal part sometimes does.  In order to sense that part, I need to clear out my own issues, connect and listen intensely.  For me, it is part of listening and doing my job, but I also enjoy it and the ability makes connection more fulfilling.

Emotional Strength

Surrender and actions like the morning procedure I spoke of yesterday are often seen as coming from a position of weakness, but they actually reflect strength.  The strength is evident in my willingness to accept the situation as it is and my recognition of my own limitations within a given situation.  Strength is also evident in my willingness to do my best rather than shirking from the situation.  The most important aspect of my approach is it feels loving and harmonious.  On the other hand, trying to alter the outcome by exerting my will, feels fear based.

Not In Charge

Similar to yesterday’s meeting, today the focus was on allowing God or the universe to be in charge of life rather than us trying to control it, often stated as “going with the flow”.  I spoke of my simple but effective morning procedure.  I begin each day with a period of prayer and meditation during which I surrender my will by making it clear that I need help and asking for guidance and support and also making it very clear that I am not in charge of outcomes.  I then go about my day and do the best I can.  I realize that beyond my own words or actions, most things that happen are not my responsibility, very freeing.

Control Vs. Harmonize

Tonight the main theme that was brought up in my recovery meeting was the speaker’s efforts to control the world around him and the physical symptoms and stress those efforts produced.  The speaker developed some pretty obvious physical signs of the stress, as in my case, though his signs were different from mine.  In my case, my efforts to control resulted in things like trouble sleeping, sweats, high blood pressure and ulcers.  I like it much better to simply harmonize myself with the process of life.  My body likes it better too!

Listening & Allowing

Yesterday I went to visit a nearby aspen grove, and was impressed by its massive presence.  The grove was near the top of Mt. Elden and was presumably the result of a single large root system connecting all of the trees, since that is the way they grow.  I felt drawn to sit among the trees and to enjoy the grove’s huge healing presence, an example of my being present, listening and allowing.  I cannot do that unless I set aside the distractions of day-to-day living, and then focus on the grove.

Bubble Of Love

I had a conversation today with a person who expressed surprise that large animals like elk seem to be drawn to him for no apparent reason during his pre-dawn session of prayer and meditation.  In the past, he has had similar experiences with coyotes, birds, trees and a mountain lion.  As I pointed out to him, and have experienced myself, plants and animals are drawn to the feeling of love and connection that he emanates, especially during those times.  Many years ago, when I was working in a cubicle within a large office complex, I decided to try broadcasting love and kindness out of my cubicle, in order to see what would happen.  All of a sudden, I had people from all over the office, who I had never talked to before, coming into my cubicle to talk briefly.  Now I walk around in a “bubble of love” and people tell me they simply like being in my presence.  I enjoy channeling that energy and being a positive force.

Being Open Loving & Vulnerable

For the last several days, I have been deeply involved in connecting in a very loving way with various people of all ages.  This is in marked contrast to years ago, staring into a computer screen and not wanting to talk with anyone.  I also did not care about anyone other than myself.  I was under the impression that things like love, feelings and vulnerability reflected weakness and that my approach represented strength.  It never occurred to me that, in fact, the reverse was true.  Today, I realize how much emotional and spiritual strength is required to be open to connection, loving and vulnerable.  Being open and vulnerable also leads to a much more fulfilling life.