Balance

During the past several days I have participated in numerous conversations revolving around the fact that much of what people say and do in this culture is based on fear rather than love, an approach to life that I was certainly taught during my formative years.  For example, the news reports and peoples discussions frequently involve problems and some sort of negative event(s) that could result, feeding fear.  On the other hand, it is possible to acknowledge the problems while also noting some positive events and considering behavioral choices that would “increase the integrity of the universe”, an approach that is more balanced and that I use when I am confronted by life.

A Love & Faith Based Approach

This morning, while waiting for a movie, I realized that I had forgotten to do one of the things necessary for my continued licensing. I began to go into a fear spiral, imagining and projecting all manner of negative future consequences.  Then, I realized what I was doing, entering into & feeding the fear rather than staying secure in the knowledge that everything would be fine, a more love based view.  I then reversed my view & enjoyed the movie.  When I got home, a simple phone call took care of the problem & I will have to pay a very minor fine.

Being A Tool

Normally, the day after a family weekend, like today, I feel emotionally drained and in need of a lot of self-care.  Today, I just felt very spiritually connected and energized all day.  As usual, the feeling of being connected was very enjoyable and almost manic.  One of the comments I made to Maria is that when I am strongly connected it is like my self-will just dissolves and goes away, a strange feeling.  I am just a tool and good with that.

Listeninng

Late this afternoon was the closing ceremony for this family weekend and I was wondering if I should attend.  Earlier in the afternoon, I worked with one of the families earlier during the afternoon, so I was pretty tired.  Before the ceremony I heard “be present and listen”, so I went.   Not surprisingly, my presence was appreciated by the families and I was glad I was present.  It feels harmonious to simply do what I am told.

Love In Action

For today, the emphasis was on families.  It is a “family weekend” where I get most of my referrals and it was also Halloween.  For the first time, Maria and I are living in an area with a lot of young families, so we got to interact with a lot of children this evening.  Overall, the day was a beautiful experience.  I was pretty well exhausted from connecting and working with young men & families during the day, so my participation with the young trick-or-treaters was minimal, but fun.  The young people & families represent life and love in action, very vibrant.

Humility

The topic in the recovery meeting today was humility and, in addition, circumstances have made it quite clear to me recently that my physical condition could be a lot worse, that it is by the grace of God that I am doing as well as I am.  As Kornfield puts it "To love fully and live well requires us to recognize finally that we do not possess or own anything---our homes, our cars, our loved ones, not even our own body.”  For that reason, every morning, I have my period of prayer and meditation during which I ask for guidance and support.  I guess that is either humility, reality or both.

Staying Focused

I find that I have to be very careful and disciplined to keep my focus on the Absolute of love, connection, inclusion and eternity, while also functioning in this transient, but very compelling world.  Things like work, staff meetings, listening to NPR and many newspaper articles tend to pull me back into a fear based transient existence, that many people think of as reality.  Those things also tend to draw me into becoming a human doing and to forget who I really am.  The prayer and meditation that I do each morning keep my focus on the Absolute of love, connection, inclusion and eternity, a much more awake and aware point of view.

Promoting Change

It is paradoxical but attitudes like criticism or judgment do not promote long-term change and growth in me while love and support do.  An atmosphere of love tells me that I am perfect and sufficient the way I am, but also promotes my growth and change.  Within that atmosphere I actually want to change and become a better person, become all I can be.  In the past, I have been criticized and judged to be very flawed, with the result that I felt negative about myself.  The criticism did not cause me to grow or change, which was its purpose.

Love Versus Fear

Today I was very conscious of the fact that fear, not love, rules the lives of most people, and used to rule mine.  I really like the way M. Williamson commented that “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment—or unlearning—of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.”  Through the socialization process while I was growing up I learned to fear many things like authority figures or not performing well enough.  From within that fear, no matter what I did, it was not enough.  From within love I am enough, a good feeling and one that promotes growth.

Listening

This was a day of listening.  After some early morning life activities like exercising and paying bills, we went to a Friend’s meeting, where I sat, meditated and contemplated for a couple of hours.  Then this afternoon we went out to some ruins in the Twin Arrows area, where I again sat, meditated and contemplated for another hour or so.  While at the ruin, I sat next to a juniper which seemed to want me to stroke and bless it, so I did.  Then, in typical Charlie fashion, I wondered if I was just imagining things and, in response, the tree wafted me with a strong scent of juniper.  I also sensed that the spirits around the ruin appreciated and were with us.  All in all, the day was a very pleasant experience.