Ego

As I said yesterday, the topic of grief came up in our men’s group, a topic I am quite familiar with.  During the meeting I directed what were supposed to be some helpful comments to one of the other members.  Since that time I have realized that I included several parts of my own story/history that were not really necessary in order to help the other member.  I have realized that I included those parts of my story for my own ego gratification, stroking my own ego, rather than being helpful.  I am not inclined to be critical of myself, but to be aware, and not do that in the future.

Grief

The topic of grief after the death of a loved one was one of the topics brought up in our monthly men’s meeting tonight, a subject which has changed a lot for me over time.  I have been near death three times and had a “near death experience” one of those times.  I have also been part of the death of numerous people.  Thanks, in part, to the near death experience, I know that physical death is nothing to be feared.  I know death as a spiritual transition.  I thought, wrongly, that my knowledge and experience would free me from the very human grief process.  I now realize that grieving is part of continuing with life while others pass on.

Humility

I lead a life of service, with my main purpose being to help other people come to a sense of harmony and becoming “all they can be”, according to their own wishes.  Love in action.  My role frequently requires that I keep my own ego in check and “out of the way”.  However, I do find a lot of pleasure in watching others grow, and I usually grow in the process, as long as I stay humble.  As I commented during my meeting today; “It is important that I realize that I am only the actor, doing what I am told”.

Being Open

Today I sent off the edited and reviewed copy of my manuscript back to Dorrance Publishing Co.  I have been reviewing the copy that they edited for the last week.  This has been quite a process for me!  I have watched my brain travel off into many projections and fantasies, some enjoyable & many not.  I have also encountered a lot of fear and doubt.  Overall, the process has been very engrossing and I am glad that most of the intensity has passed.  I am pleased that I have been open to the emotional ups and downs of the process, something I would not have been in the past.  Being open to it and feeling it, lets it pass.

Acceptance

Part of me would like to be better or different than what I am - a silly attitude that causes stress.  With that attitude, I can question what I say and do, judge myself or project all sorts of potential problems.  On the other hand, just being present, grateful and humble works for me and creates a feeling of peace.  I am a unique and special human and just like everyone else, at the same time, just another “bozo on the bus”.  I am a really fine example of what it is to be Charlie - I think it best to leave my attitude there.

Difficulties

I have several people in my life right now who are having very difficult times, for a variety of reasons, many are in the process of dying, some older some younger than me.  I have a lot of gratitude that my life is relatively pleasant right now.  I am also aware that working through difficult times is a large part of the reason that we are having this physical experience.  Working through difficulties is how we learn about the importance of things like inclusiveness, connection and love.  Focusing on the problem often obscures the gift. Using the short term, earthly perspective, difficult times can be very unpleasant.

Physical Effects of Love & Connection

My recovery meeting today was about spiritual awakenings and connectedness.  When I spoke I made it clear that my spiritual connection had saved my life several times and that my staying alive was dependent on that connection and the love I find there.  It occurred to me, during the meeting, that many people do not realize that connection and love can change physical reality, as it has in my case.  The physical reality of that has now also been demonstrated in newborns and M.S. patients.  As I said in the meeting “it is absolutely clear that I would not be alive without that connection”.

Projecting

One of the realities of life that I became aware of several times today was that nothing is definite until it happens.  It is certainly possible to make plans or to even project future events.  However, those events may never happen.  Today, I found myself making necessary plans and projecting all sorts of outcomes, some favorable, some not.  I was in a pleasant emotional condition, so I took note of my “mind games” and found them amusing.  The fact is, I do not know what will happen in the future, and I suspect that is a good thing.

The Power of Love

I have been reviewing the edited manuscript of my soon to be published book Three Simple Questions, and I feel amazed that I actually wrote it.  The amount of power and truth contained in the book is totally astonishing to me.  A great deal of the information it contains came to me through my mystical connection and I just tried to be an open channel.  I attempted to stay open, not be biased and write accurately.  I have also integrated the concepts I write about into my daily life.  It’s about the guiding force and power of love.

Healing Touch 2

I have increased the frequency of the healing touch I described yesterday from once or twice a day to several times.  The reason for the increase is the hope that since once or twice yields positive results, an increase in frequency could increase the results.  I have used an increased frequency in the past for healing specific conditions like skin lesions, cysts, heart valve problems or prostate problems, with positive results.  It seems to be time to apply the same thing to my disability.