Boundaries

I find that, for my own sanity, I have to be very careful with personal boundaries, a challenging balancing act.  On the one hand I love people very deeply and strive to make strong connections with them.  On the other hand, in order to be an effective change agent, I need to not be emotionally enmeshed in their life and problems.  I need to stay somewhat detached in order to see and act on the truth in a loving way.  I have been accused of being cold and my licensing board warns me not to have dual relationships and not to get to close with those I work with.

The Privilege of Being Alive

Today, being Mother’s day, the theme at the Friend’s meeting I attended was "family".  At the meeting I commented that in the previous couple of days I had the privilege of working with a troubled family.  I also commented that my wife was visiting her family back east, an intensely emotional experience, and that most of my own family was dead.  When I spoke, it occurred to me what a privilege it was to be part of all that hurt, drama, love and intensity.  Later on in the day I was berated by someone that I had worked with previously and, once again, it occurred to me what a privilege that experience was.  For today, being involved in life as much as I am feels like a privilege.

Connection is Wonderful

Today I had a very fine and healing connection with one of the families I work with.  This was one of those times that I received quite precise instructions on what to say, do and ask.  I did what I was told without understanding why, reminding me of a comment by Hazrat Inayat, that “The whole life of the mystic is mapped on this principle... a voice from within that tells him”go here,” “go there,” or “leave”... Therefore, while others are prepared to explain why they are doing something... the mystic cannot explain, because he himself does not know.  The one who knows little, knows most; and those who seem to know more, know the least.”  I am clearly not in charge.

Preventing Burnout

Right now, today, I have been feeling overwhelmed by the large number of people who look to me for guidance as to their emotional and spiritual development.  I have been feeling responsible, forgetting that I am only the one taking action and that their development is between them and God.  My job is to ask for support and guidance, do what I am told and take care of myself, pretty simple.  My life feels a lot lighter when I remember that I am not in charge.

Being At Peace

Today, I found myself acknowledging that, practically speaking, my future does not look very bright or promising, in fact my prospects look fairly bleak.  Some people would also comment that my present life does not look very comfortable.  Practically speaking, that is my situation.  However, I find my life extremely fulfilling and believe very that as Ehrlich said “the universe is unfolding as it should”.  I believe that everything in my life and future is just fine.

Change of Perspective

Leading a life based on love, rather than fear, has changed things dramatically for me.  I now understand the comment that I learned early in my recovery process; that “Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all".  The fact was that the vast majority of things that used to occupy my thoughts, meant little or nothing and were based on imaginary fears about things I had said, what others thought of me, actions I needed to take, etc.  I now focus on love and peace, realizing that the universe is unfolding just fine.

Solitude

Maria, my wife, left for a visit to family back east several days ago.  In addition to missing her presence, I very much enjoy the solitude.  The solitude allows me to go about my day-to-day activities without considering the impact on anyone else.  Being alone also allows for more time for contemplation about my life, actions and beliefs.  I would not want to be alone for long, but a couple of weeks should be fine.

A Different View

Today, I have been very aware of the fact that my view of worldly events and drama is quite different from the view of the typical person, at least those I have contact with.  It seems to me that the typical view is very personal, short-term, subjective and attached to worldly things.  My view is much more detached and I see most events in my life as ultimately promoting feelings of love and peace, rather than drama.  I also have to admit that I get caught up in the drama periodically but I do not like the feeling and think of that as an anomaly.  Daily prayer and meditation helps me stay focused on the love and peace.

Being of Service

Today was Sunday and I took it as a “day of rest”, going to a Friend’s (Quaker) meeting, exercising, cooking and napping.  One of the topics brought up during the Friend’s meeting was the idea of being a “do gooder”, which I guess I am since my main focus is being of service to others.  In the past, being a do gooder had a negative connotation since it frequently involved imposing one’s will on another person.  For example, “assimilation” or “converting” native people to Christianity.  I strive to not impose my will or beliefs on anyone.

Love & Respect 2

I was very conscious of doing what I described yesterday to a few recovering addict/ alcoholics.  I told them things they did not want to hear.  The interactions were in group settings, so I had other members of the groups back me up.  I did so in order to help them stay clean and sober.  They each looked at me, smiled and told me they did not agree, which will alter nothing at all either way.  We each said what we felt needed to be said and I left it there.