Balance

I didn’t realize it at the time, but a good part of today was spent restoring balance to my life. What I mean is that I have several things in my life that are difficult and complicated, so I spent a good part of today doing simple, short term and rewarding things. The complicated parts of my life include my book and the coming panel discussion I have mentioned for the last couple of entries. There are also some complicated clients that I am working with right now. The simple, short term and rewarding things were preparing a big batch of Greek chicken and baking cookies, a good mixture of activities.

Mixed Feelings

I spent a good part of today in preparation for the coming panel discussion about my book. In addition to a simple discussion, I also plan on a couple of short meditative experiences which illustrate the potential physiological, emotional and spiritual impact of a loving attitude. The panel and my approach both feel like the right thing to do, as do my other preparations. As I commented in my recovery meeting today, the preparations, the book and the panel all reflect that I have something of value to say. I also hear internal whispers saying that what I say has no importance, that I have a lot of nerve doing this and that I will be punished for expressing myself. The latter are voices from my history that have no validity but are still there.

Differences

Because of my history and life experiences I have come to believe in love, compassion, connection, inclusiveness and other things of that nature. Those beliefs have become my priority and impact on my behavior. I live in a culture that believes in material advancement, competition and individuality and has those ideas as a priority. Different approaches and neither is better than the other, just different. Being human, I, of course, think my approach is best, so I have to be careful with that, smile and be aware of my bias. I also need to be careful when navigating through a world that is different from me.

That Force - Love 2

Science and the experimental method are both wonderful and valuable approaches to elucidating many events in life. I have been trained in the sciences, was raised to believe in their approach and have earned a Ph.D. in biology. Using some of the principles I have learned like Occam’s Razor, objectivity and to "treasure my exceptions", I am led to conclude that there are aspects of reality that fall outside of science, at least how it is practiced now. As I comment in my book, it is possible to demonstrate that healing in mice is expedited by healing touch, but not how it works. As I commented a few days ago "I would be foolish to deny" the force or power of love in this world, the force that some people choose to call God. However, how it works and the extent of its potential fall outside of science.

That Force - Love

It is clear to me that the important objective in life is not what words or names a person uses, but for us to act and live out of love. The words and names vary depending on influences like religious discipline, culture and history. The feeling and attitude of love does not vary in spite of variation in the words and names. Through my prayer, meditation, contemplation, a near death experience and numerous living experiences I have come to know how right it feels to act out of love, compassion forgiveness and inclusiveness.

That Force - God

The life process I have been through amazes me. It actually feels like I have been taught and trained very carefully. Through my prayer, meditation, contemplation, a near death experience and numerous living experiences I have come to know a very powerful, unconditionally loving, selfless and egoless force that, at this point, I would be foolish to deny. I cannot say that I understand that force or even want or care to. I have heard it said of that force many times that "there is something out there", an acknowledgment which seems to be adequate for leading a love based life. I now call that force God, a word that others do not use, which makes little or no difference to that force. The fact is that force or God truly embraces the human experience and free will. This is not a personified jealous God/force who judges me, considers me to be sinful or pitiful or requires any sort of obedience. These last concepts are human and do not fit within love.

Life's Difficulties

My life is very good and, as someone pointed out today, my life has also been very difficult, challenging. It is commonly the case that the good part follows the difficult. In my case my physical challenges have pushed me to develop my spirituality far beyond what I would have done or what most people do. Having just gone through my 31^st anniversary of recovery from drugs and alcohol, I have been reflecting on my process for the last several days. I really like and am proud of who I have become.

Small Quiet Voice

We all have inside us a very good, love-based, compassionate, forgiving part that is frequently called that "small quiet voice" and I usually refer to as the "God seed" in each of us, the part that is connected to what I call God. We also have the potential of acting according to that part, which is why I wrote Three Simple Question: Being in the World, but Not of It. The book is part of my attempt to encourage others to act out of the God seed or part. I am working on living and acting according to that part. That part of me is essentially egoless, very loving and oriented at the well-being of others and this planet.

Life Happens

Today was my 31 year anniversary of being free from alcohol and drugs so one of the feelings I had today was extreme gratitude. One of the other things that happened today was life, meaning that I encountered a number of challenges. The first challenge was early this morning trying to explain and resolve a problem over the phone, something which seldom goes well and that I find extremely frustrating because of my speech impediment. In this case I eventually asked my wife to help out and the problem was resolved - I think. Later on today I went to see my primary care physician, who makes an effort to be holistic but is still allopathic so she thinks in terms of pathology, prevention and potential harm. I think in terms of health, love and potential well being. In terms of physical health and given my disability, I am doing well, which she acknowledges. Part of my success has resulted from not accepting the allopathic approach to health.

The Presence of That Force

On the 11^th I will have been in recovery from drugs and alcohol for 31 years, as long as I drank. As usually happens around my anniversary, I have been reflecting on my life for the last 31 years. One thing that really stands out to me is that I would be very foolish and "unscientific" to not acknowledge the presence of some sort of universal force that I now call God.  The fact is that I have had my life saved twice in miraculous ways, had several cuts, burns and physical problems healed and have experienced several miraculous life events, all with no logical explanation. I don’t pretend to understand that force, but rely on it daily and know it exists. I also have no problem turning my life and will over to it.