Being At Peace

Right now I feel at peace with my life. I usually feel good about life but I am usually pushing myself and there is generally a tinge of fear. Most recently I was working up to the panel discussion I led. That was decidedly out of my comfort zone & I had some fears, also knowing it was the right thing to do. During the last week I have done several things to promote my book, also out of my comfort zone, but I have been gentle with myself, not pushing. Being gentle feels right for today.

Acceptance

The question of how to deal effectively with life’s frustrations has been coming up for me recently. I keep in mind the comments of various spiritual leaders that the source of the frustration is our own attachment to some other outcome. As they point out and I have observed, we cause our own frustration by expecting or wishing for some other result, pretty silly. Traffic is a good example. People frequently disobey the standard guidelines of safe driving and I then have a choice of being angry about their behavior or accepting it. Personally, I don’t like the feeling of being angry, I prefer the feeling of accepting and forgiving.

Balance

Yesterday I mentioned "the ‘God seed’ is quite evident in each of them, as well as their struggles with ego & their own humanity." By that I meant that myself, each of them and everyone else has a part of God, sometimes called that "small quiet voice", inside us. That part is usually love-based and acting according to that part generally increases the integrity of the universe. On the other hand, we also have a fear-based, ego, materialistic and very survival oriented part. Each part is useful in its own way. Using meditation and contemplation I attempt to balance the parts.

Connection, Support & Love

We had our monthly men’s meeting tonight and it is truly wonderful to be in a room with a group of men with that level of love, vulnerability, connection & support. It’s quite an honor for me to be in a respected leadership role in such a group. What I call the "God seed" is quite evident in each of them, as well as their struggles with ego & their own humanity.

Dealing With Conflict - Lovingly 2

Recently, when I pray to that force I call God, I frequently ask that I be relieved of the "bondage of self", the interference of my fear-based and often defensive ego. I find that if I listen to that part of myself that I am less likely to respond in a way that is loving and that increases the integrity of the universe. For example, regarding the issue of promoting my book which I mentioned yesterday, the fear-based part of me would respond in some sort of retaliative way rather than simply requesting more activity.

Dealing With Conflict - Lovingly

Today was a day of conflicting values and ideas in my activities. On one hand, I got some comments and compliments about the panel discussion I just led. Then also tonight I encountered several of the young addicts/alcoholics at the recovery meeting I went to. There was a strong sense of harmonious, loving connection regarding these and other activities, a feeling of balance and rightness. On the other hand the company that published my book does not seem to be following through with their end of their contract to promote my book. I have a sense that I will have to take some stronger corrective action and I will attempt to do that in a loving way.

Mission Accomplished

Well, today was the panel discussion of my book (Three Simple Questions: Being in the World but Not of It) and I don’t believe it could have gone better. The members of the panel were excellent and the sense of love, presence, power and connection during the gathering was very strong. After resting for a bit, I am left with an immense feeling of gratitude that I could participate in and even lead such a gathering, another step in my efforts to "change the world".

Feelings Are Not Rational

The several people that I work with are all doing excellently, as am I, given my disability and age. I have also been learning recently that the scientific community and parts of the general culture are considering or investigating the efficacy of some of the practices I wrote about in my book and that I have been using for years. These are both situations that affirm what I am doing. On the other hand, tomorrow is the panel discussion of my book and that terrifies me. That makes no sense, but then "feelings are not rational". It is best for me to observe, be amused and keep moving on.

Meditation

As I described in my recovery meeting today, when I get up in the middle of the night, through my prayer and meditation I connect with the Absolute, a place of pure unconditional love and a place of knowing that everything is just perfect. In that place my disability and the associated pain, frustration and inconvenience does not even exist, a wonderful experience to have daily. It’s good for me to be reminded and keep in mind that I am not my body.

The Loving Response

At different times, each one of the three questions (would I do this in front of God?; is it really my responsibility?; will this increase the integrity of the universe?) is most significant. Recently the most important question has been the last. In general, any action based on love increases the integrity of the universe and any action based on fear does not. My impulse, at times, is to act in defense of my ego, a fear impulse which I choose not to act on. The loving response is difficult for me to determine since it frequently requires that I put my ego aside in favor of the long-term growth and well being of everyone involved. Arriving at the loving response usually requires meditation.