Significance

When observing myself or others I often feel that we are basically playing in a big, complicated sandbox, making believe that our actions have some significance. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the sandbox as much as the next person and I delight in taking part in the play, I just don’t take it very seriously, in an eternal sense. I recall the comment I heard many years ago that "Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all". I also notice that love and relationships matter, they do have eternal significance and increase the integrity of the universe.

Paradox

It’s paradoxical for me to view the world and observe that, on the one hand, in many ways, we are destroying each other and this wonderful planet while on the other hand knowing that everything is just fine, perfect even. As I say in my website, book and this blog, my goal is to change the world - one person at a time, but I also realize that I am only one voice and that my overall impact is likely to be small. That situation is also perfect, though I will also do everything in my power to change it. My life feels very paradoxical and that seems to be good.

A Loving God

I went to a gospel concert today, put on by the NAU gospel choir, very moving. I was brought to tears several times during the concert and even got a little "sloppy" with my tears once. I am very passionate about that force or power I call God, having received (and worked for) several miracles and gifts. During the concert the choir and the moderator used the names "Jesus" and "God" several times, also referring to humans as sinners. The God I have come to know is more unconditionally loving than that, not caring what name a person uses or if any name at all is used. In my case, acting in a loving manner and knowing that something bigger than me is in charge seems to work just fine.

Being At Peace

Right now I feel at peace with my life. I usually feel good about life but I am usually pushing myself and there is generally a tinge of fear. Most recently I was working up to the panel discussion I led. That was decidedly out of my comfort zone & I had some fears, also knowing it was the right thing to do. During the last week I have done several things to promote my book, also out of my comfort zone, but I have been gentle with myself, not pushing. Being gentle feels right for today.

Acceptance

The question of how to deal effectively with life’s frustrations has been coming up for me recently. I keep in mind the comments of various spiritual leaders that the source of the frustration is our own attachment to some other outcome. As they point out and I have observed, we cause our own frustration by expecting or wishing for some other result, pretty silly. Traffic is a good example. People frequently disobey the standard guidelines of safe driving and I then have a choice of being angry about their behavior or accepting it. Personally, I don’t like the feeling of being angry, I prefer the feeling of accepting and forgiving.

Balance

Yesterday I mentioned "the ‘God seed’ is quite evident in each of them, as well as their struggles with ego & their own humanity." By that I meant that myself, each of them and everyone else has a part of God, sometimes called that "small quiet voice", inside us. That part is usually love-based and acting according to that part generally increases the integrity of the universe. On the other hand, we also have a fear-based, ego, materialistic and very survival oriented part. Each part is useful in its own way. Using meditation and contemplation I attempt to balance the parts.

Connection, Support & Love

We had our monthly men’s meeting tonight and it is truly wonderful to be in a room with a group of men with that level of love, vulnerability, connection & support. It’s quite an honor for me to be in a respected leadership role in such a group. What I call the "God seed" is quite evident in each of them, as well as their struggles with ego & their own humanity.

Dealing With Conflict - Lovingly 2

Recently, when I pray to that force I call God, I frequently ask that I be relieved of the "bondage of self", the interference of my fear-based and often defensive ego. I find that if I listen to that part of myself that I am less likely to respond in a way that is loving and that increases the integrity of the universe. For example, regarding the issue of promoting my book which I mentioned yesterday, the fear-based part of me would respond in some sort of retaliative way rather than simply requesting more activity.

Dealing With Conflict - Lovingly

Today was a day of conflicting values and ideas in my activities. On one hand, I got some comments and compliments about the panel discussion I just led. Then also tonight I encountered several of the young addicts/alcoholics at the recovery meeting I went to. There was a strong sense of harmonious, loving connection regarding these and other activities, a feeling of balance and rightness. On the other hand the company that published my book does not seem to be following through with their end of their contract to promote my book. I have a sense that I will have to take some stronger corrective action and I will attempt to do that in a loving way.

Mission Accomplished

Well, today was the panel discussion of my book (Three Simple Questions: Being in the World but Not of It) and I don’t believe it could have gone better. The members of the panel were excellent and the sense of love, presence, power and connection during the gathering was very strong. After resting for a bit, I am left with an immense feeling of gratitude that I could participate in and even lead such a gathering, another step in my efforts to "change the world".