Connection

As often happens in the spring of the year, today I have been very conscious of my vital connection with everything and everyone. In this case the calendar says it is still winter, but the local plants and animals think it is spring and I go along with them. The evening grosbeaks have come back, plants are sprouting and birds are singing the spring song. For the plants and animals this is a very active and sexual time of the year. They are experiencing a lot of growth, flowering, pollinating and friskiness, exciting to observe and be with.

I am

As long as I stay firmly rooted in the "I am" part of myself I can remember and live as if "Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all", so I place little importance on and do not fret over much of life. The I am portion of myself is very loving, relatively selfless, solid and connected with the force or power that I call God. I encounter that part when I meditate in the morning and carry it with me most of the time.

Change

Maria and I are having thoughts of moving away from the Flagstaff area. At the present time we are only having thoughts since the necessary money is not there, only thoughts and intent. We have spoken of this to a couple of friends and realized that we would miss them and the many wonderful things we have here. We have each experienced a great deal of spiritual and emotional growth here but it seems time to move on. Also, for health reasons (Maria’s), we would be better off at a lower altitude with higher humidity.

Giving Up Anger 2

As far as giving up my anger, which I mentioned yesterday, I also found/find it important to give up my attachments, especially regarding self or ego. Beliefs and attitudes like "I deserve better", "don’t they know who I am?", "why is this happening to me" or "my life is too hard", do not work for me. Those attitudes prevent me from accepting and embracing the present. I am better off simply accepting my life, enjoying much of it and enduring the rest.

Giving Up Anger

In order for me to give up my anger and judgments it has been very important for me to first realize that my anger was only a surface emotion and the deeper and more important feelings were the underlying hurts, fears and insecurities. It has also been important for me to always keep in mind that I was the source of the anger not the other person so that the resolution of the anger rested with me and that I could let it go any time I wanted. The difficult part for me was looking at my own underlying hurts, fears and insecurities, embracing them as part of me and loving the other person in spite of their having bumped into my own issues. The process has taken many years to look at and let go of all of it, time well spent.

Loving Not Judging

One of the central topics in my recovery meeting today was anger and how to deal with it so I have been reflecting on my journey as far as anger. When I first got into recovery I was still carrying a lot of anger at my high school vice principal - from twenty years before! At that time I realized that "anger corrodes the container it is in", meaning that I was only hurting myself. Over the years I have learned to accept and even embrace the things that made me angry, usually my own insecurities, fears and hurts. I now feel the anger and it’s underlying cause, sometimes express it (without causing harm) and let it go, quickly. Love and forgiveness feel much better and are not self-destructive.

Holistic Healing 2

Today I went to the medical intuitive or healer I have been going to for the last five years. He uses a form of healing touch that is commonly called psychic healing, decidedly out of the mainstream. Healing touch is one of the techniques I was referring to yesterday. Healing touch has been shown several times to have positive healing effects, but is largely ignored by mainstream medicine. I use it daily and have used it with numerous others, with positive results. Many years ago an older, well respected embryology professor of mine commented "treasure your exceptions, since that is where the learning is". I took note of this since most of my teachers were teaching me to pay attention to what was normal or average, not exceptional. I am an exception since most people do not do as well as I do or use the healing techniques I use.

Holistic Health

On N.P.R. today they were talking about various health matters and the fact that the medical/scientific community which prides itself on being objective, in fact has subjective biases which have prevented them from seeing the truth. The main examples were from the past cholera epidemic and the more recent development of drug resistant strains of pathogens. I take note of this since there are now many sound studies showing the health benefits of meditation, visualization, prayer and love versus stress, which are largely dismissed. The potential benefits are very real and I have been using them for years.

Choice

My way of life is not particularly popular, glorious or showy. However, it does lead to a deep sense of inner fulfillment. My life is based on spiritual and emotional growth in ideals such as love, connection and peace. All of my material needs are met and I realize that I have more than I really need to survive. However, compared to many in my culture, I don’t have much in the way of material possessions and I am aware that if everyone lived the way I do, much of the economy would collapse. It’s a great way to live!

Reality 2

This morning, at my recovery meeting, the speaker talked about the sense of Self that a person can get to through meditation. He spoke of arriving at a very genuine sense of Self that is beyond words, beyond the intellect and beyond what a person does. As I told him after the meeting, I call that sense the "I amness". That part is love-based and closer to God than the rest of me. Thinking of that caused me to re-write my closing comments yesterday to "My name is Charlie, I am a 67 year old, disabled alcoholic/addict with several wonderful gifts. I am."