Balance

Lately I have been very distracted and involved in moving and setting up a dwelling in MD, having moved from AZ, worldly concerns. That is what is on my plate right now and I wish to stay in the present. I also continue to write, contemplate and meditate several hours each day. I continue to attend recovery meetings and other spiritually oriented meetings several times a week. My balance point has shifted but I continue to focus on love, peace forgiveness, gratitude and connection. Life is good.

I Am A Dreamer

I believe very strongly in the ultimate goodness of humanity, knowing that love is stronger than hate and that right is stronger than corruption. I support very passionately actions born of love, connection, respect, honor, etc. I see these actions every day in the people around me, neighbors or on the news - actions that fill me with emotion. These ideas and actions are supported by my book (Three Simple Questions: Being in the World, But Not of It), a book I self published as part of my effort to change the world. If they were universal these ideas and way of life could change the way we treat each other and this earth.

Feeling the Love

All the questions are still out there. I have no idea if I am following the right path, making the right decisions or know where the path will lead but I am acting out of love and doing my best so I suspect everything is fine. Today I feel good and figure that the force I call God is on my side. I feel the love and will go with that. I look at my life with a sense of wonder.

Difficult Decisions

A day of contemplation, meditation and assessment of our current situation. I wonder if we should consider doing things differently, like modifying our plans to own and maintain our own home in light of my disability and inability to do the required maintenance. Difficult decisions! Meanwhile I planted some bulbs today and continue to do my best with what is presented to me each day. Life goes on.

Spreading the Love

Maria and I just returned from a few days of traveling up to visit in Pennsylvania, an intense few days. We took the opportunity to spread the message of love, peace and harmony to the spirits and people we encountered. That felt important and the least we could do. I am, of course, aware of my physical limitations, but, particularly during this trip, the limitations did not seem as important as my gifts and abilities. I am reminded of the comments of St. John of the Cross from some years ago "Speaking of touches, the delights they engender more than compensate for all the trials suffered in life, even though innumerable".

The Importance and Power of Love

Maria and I attended a half day Friend’s workshop on spiritual development today in which the subject of childhood came up numerous times. I was reminded of two things, the first being how difficult my childhood was and the second being that we are not our stories. I have learned about and now promote the power and importance of love, in spite of my difficulties and miss-direction in those early years. Several times, I found myself saying "What better way to learn about the importance and power of love than through the total absence of it".

Growth

I lead a life which, to many people in the world, would appear privileged. Indeed being concerned about which house to buy or which neighborhood to live in would not even be in their radar for many people. Many of my other struggles like life and death or chronic pain are a concern for many. Therefore, conclusions or observations may not apply universally. In my life it is very clear that I have been carefully molded and taught about the power and importance of spirituality, love and connection. My belief is that these are things we ate all learning, each in a different way

Self-care

Our new home is in Columbia, MD, which Maria, my wife, refers to as a "Zootopia for humans", meaning an ideal environment. It is indeed apparent that our neighbors realize in their actions that we are all connected, and that things like skin color don’t make much difference. One of our neighbors mentioned that all of the neighbors "look out for each other". There is also an obvious respect for the environment. Our house is also very nice and we just had the carpeting in three rooms replaced by wood floors, much better for my allergies. Most importantly the house and neighborhood look like a good place for me to experience solitude, nature, prayer, meditation, quiet and connection.

Dealing With Life

Part of my disability is that I am overly reactive. This gets expressed in extreme reflexes and also extreme emotional reactions to life’s situations, both fueled by an exaggerated physiological (stress) response. I also have a long standing anxiety disorder, complicating the situation. The increased energy I mentioned two days ago add to the difficulty and, as I said at that time " The feeling/energy is intense and hard to cope with". I have not learned to deal with it yet and today I overreacted to a simple phone call and having Maria take the call. I need to keep in mind that "Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all". Love and my relationship matter ........ the call does not.

Balance

Yesterday I spoke of the God/love energy that is within me and today I, once again, got in touch with that very human fear of becoming all I can be. The God/love part of me is "absolute" and only has the very positive feelings of unconditional love. On the other hand, I became aware that my human fears of my own capabilities and the world’s reaction to them are based on the ever changing, fragile dualities common to the human condition. By dualities I mean situations like the mixed or conflicted feelings of being my best and making people angry, jealous or envious. Today I could feel the difference of switching back and forth from the absolute of God/love to the dualities of being human. I am trying to allow both and balance them.