Perspective

My spiritual life, the one I live or strive to live, has considerable depth and substance. It encompasses, even embraces the negative and painful aspects of the life we humans lead. As I say in my book, at times the spiritual life is neither fun nor easy. It is, however, fulfilling and rich beyond belief. It disturbs me when people make believe that life is all "daisies and fields of clover", though I too wanted to believe that when I was much younger. The trials and tribulations we incarnate in order to experience ultimately lead to a more complete love but that does not alter that they are unpleasant to go through.

Gratitude

I am disabled, not in a wheelchair but with significant coordination and balance limitations and difficulties. I often experience pain but not much today. Many years ago several doctors were trying to get me to start using a wheelchair and I was in much worse condition than now. Today I spent time exercising, cooking, gardening, going to a recovery meeting and feeling extremely grateful I could do all of those things. I could certainly be frustrated at my limitations and I am at times, but for the most part I find it better to maintain an "attitude of gratitude" for what I can do.

Spirituality

At my recovery meeting today I sold six copies of my book, Three Simple Questions: Being in the World, But Not of It. I also got to talk about my way of life and the three questions I use as the central focus of that life (The three questions are: Would I do this in front of God (or whatever you call the power or force behind the Universe), Is my name really on it (or is it really my responsibility), Will this increase the integrity of the universe (or is this action motivated by love, rather than fear, acting out of love always increases the integrity of the universe). The notoriety was fun but the reason this was important to me was that I could talk about the wonders of a spiritual life much the way that Borg suggests Jesus did, "Finally, the image of Jesus as a spirit person has implications for how we think of the Christian life. It shifts the focus of the Christian life from believing in Jesus or believing in God to being in relationship to the same spirit that Jesus knew. It is the claim that I emphasized at the end of chapter 1 and that will emerge yet again in this book: that the Christian life moves beyond believing in God to being in relationship to God."

Listening

Today, as a mentor, I met and connected with another person new to the recovery process, something I have done little of since moving to MD, a wonderful experience. It is very nice to sit down, clear away the self and truly listen to another person. I recall a comment by Claremont deCastillejo; "For there to be a meeting, it seems as though a third, a something else, is always present. You may call it Love, or the Holy Spirit. Jungians would say that it is the presence of the Self. If this 'Other' is present, there cannot have failed to be a meeting." Listening in that way is an exhilarating experience. I then felt energized for the rest of the day.

Choice

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj once said "Oh, no. I live in a world of realities, while yours is of imaginings. Your world is personal, private, unshareable, intimately your own. Nobody can enter it, see as you see, hear as you hear, feel your emotions and think your thoughts. In your world you are truly alone, enclosed in your ever-changing dream, which you take for life. My world is an open world, common to all, accessible to all. In my world there is community, insight, love, real quality; the individual is the total, the totality — in the individual. All are one and the One is all." I have had the advantage of having lived in and believed in both worlds. I now live in the latter, less materially, ego oriented one.

Mystical Experience

Today, in addition to my regular Sunday activities of a Friend’s meeting, visiting my mother-in-law and some gardening I attended a Friend’s meeting to discuss what membership meant to others. There were about sixteen members and attendees at the meeting to talk about membership from several, very personal, perspectives. It was good to connect with some on a deep level while others kept their emotional distance. Their was one individual who I felt a strong connection with who talked about his mystical experiences and sweating in the process, very similar to me. In my case I go into a trance-like state, sweat profusely and my nose runs. I felt right at home, very nice.

Silence

I am considering joining the Quaker church as a member, becoming a Quaker, a prospect that surprises and makes me uneasy. Their worship is silent and their focus is on following the guidance they receive in that silence. I also follow that guidance, having learned through meditation a while back that the use of words is human and actually interferes with guidance. I am cautious recalling the words of Claremont deCastillejo when she commented that "If we can resist the compulsive pressure of our logical thinking, without relinquishing our precious heritage of lucid thought; if we can hold our ground with our own hardly won ego personalities, yet bow our heads and say, 'Thy will not mine be done'; if we will but notice the reactions of our bodies; and heed the behaviour of the world towards us; if we can learn to listen to the voices within and to the whisper in the wind, with trust as well as with discrimination, we may be able to follow the road where the Rainmaker walks."

Going With The Flow

Today, while carrying out my day-to-day activities I was aware that I love humanity and enjoy being human, though, simultaneously, I admit that putting up with my body is difficult at times. I take delight in watching other people go through varied emotions. A few days ago I got in my car only to realize that I did not have my keys, then I quickly became confident that I knew where they were. I went to fetch them and found out they were not there - confidence rapidly switched to panic. My feeling then switched to relief since I realized that my wife picked them up and called her to verify. What a roller coaster of feelings over something so trivial. Th4 word of Kornfield come to mind; "Sooner or later we have to learn to let go and allow the changing mystery of life to move through us without our fearing it, without holding and grasping."

Being Present

I seem to be in a learning-growing mode, which seems reasonable having recently moved from AZ to MD. I may be preparing myself for the next phase, whatever that will be. I find myself being very attentive, present and doing a lot of meditation/contemplation. I tend to see God/love everywhere I look and am reminded of the comments of Meister Eckhart; "A man should receive God in all things and train his mind to keep God ever present in his mind, in his aims and in his love. Note how you regard God: keep the same attitude that you have in church or in your cell, and carry it with you in the crowd and in unrest and inequality.....In your acts you should have an equal mind and equal faith and equal love for your God.....If you were equal-minded in this way, then no man could keep you from having God ever present."

Balance

Having gone to the doctor, something I dread, I decided to relax and do nothing constructive for the rest of the day. The reason that I don’t like to go to the doctor is that their training and focus is on pathology while my focus is on health and healing. Both approaches are necessary for a balanced view. However, I do not look good through the eyes of pathology and I cannot let that block or impede my approach, which I tend to do. Looking at me through the eyes of pathology is depressing, but also very real on some level. Looking at me exclusively through the eyes of health and healing can be unrealistic. A balanced approach is called for. I ended up not relaxing for the rest of the day. I also went to a recovery meeting, did some gardening and paperwork.