Eternity

Yesterday I wrote about life, death and eternity and today I was feeling the eternal nature of life’s transient events. It is my understanding and experience that it is precisely the dealing with life’s difficulties that gives eternal value to the short-term experiences of life. In my case, I have had numerous physical and emotional difficulties to overcome. Overcoming each of those difficulties has taught me a bit more about Love, compassion and God. In order for me to benefit from life’s events I have to "listen" to the universe rather than simply being pissed off about the challenge or difficulty. "And though ideas such as these may seem unimportant in our bustling world, the testimony of seekers after life in all ages is that nothing is so important as the completion of our half-lives, the God-filling of our void." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Death

Not to be morose but the inevitability and proximity of my death is always with me and, in fact, the presence of that reality adds to the apparent beauty of life. Because of my disability I have taken downturns and been near death three times. My awareness of death is always present. I walk through life with death as my partner, which adds to my appreciation of both life and eternity. Life is very short-lived and transient but what I learn in the process of life will be with my spirit eternally. "The moral which needs more emphasis in this century than in any other of which we have record is that a complete life can only be lived when the fact of death is kept steadily in mind." (Bertrand Russell)

Faith

Elizabeth Ostrander Sutton commented that "Faith, then, means putting trust in a process that slowly builds an intimate relationship with someone I can neither see nor fully understand, but only feel. Living a life of faith implies being in continual contact with God and opening up to being searched and known." I have an intimate relationship with God but I cannot say that my trust is 100%, which, as far as I can tell, matters not at all. My lack of complete trust is simply part of being human and because of the loving, unconditional nature of that relationship, my hesitation does not detract. Admitting that part of me to0 God and myself is an aspect of being "searched and known".

Awakening

Since getting into recovery I have changed my life, or my life has been changed for me, I’m not sure which (and care not at all!). I used to believe that my intellect, money, power, and prestige would satisfy all of my needs. I was a functional addict/alcoholic in love with my many distractions. I was also fairly accomplished and totally unhappy. I now lead a spiritual life with relationships, love and compassion as my main focus. My approach is very rich and fulfilling. "He stood before me. He stands before mankind, asking us all, asking the nations and the leaders of nations, the statesmen and the simple people, whether they will destroy themselves or whether they will give themselves to the grip of his power and thereby a new life in which love, not greed or lust for power, is the new dynamic."(Emil Fuchs)

Choice

According to Paul in Galatians 5:23 the fruits of the Spirit (evidence that leadings are divine in origin) have been translated as "love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control". For me this means that if I follow the path of the leading, my emotions and spirit will be bathed in love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control, which is why I meditate as much as I do. It is through my meditation and contemplation that I determine my path. My choice certainly entails focus, discipline and partaking in minimal distractions, but is well worth it.

Discernment

Several years back, during a sweat lodge ceremony, I prayed for discernment, the ability to determine the right path or divine guidance as opposed to some sort of ego driven, or self-centered path. I was granted the ability and have developed it since. For me, my right path has the feeling of washing myself in a clear mountain stream, something I have done during camping trips. The feeling is one of peaceful, simple clarity and cleansing of spirit. On the other hand the ego driven or self centered path feels murky. As Patricia Loring once wrote "Discernment is a gift from God, not as a personal achievement. The gift is not the result of training, technique, or analysis. Like other gifts of God, its origin is mysterious and gratuitous." If I choose to follow that path and make that choice, the results are wonderful.

Life

Since getting into recovery my life’s path has shifted in a way that’s hard to accurately describe, partly since I don’t, and possibly never will, understand its scope and partly because it’s ineffable. Formerly I was following a "normal" path of intellectual achievement, money, power and prestige, a life that was based on fear and that I found unfulfilling. I have since shifted into a life based on love, relationships and deepening connection with all things, a life I find to be totally fulfilling. I now know that I am far more than I thought I was as long as I stay humble, an interesting paradox. My life has changed and I am grateful. "He [Jesus] stood before me. He stands before mankind, asking us all, asking the nations and the leaders of nations, the statesmen and the simple people, whether they will destroy themselves or whether they will give themselves to the grip of his power and thereby a new life in which love, not greed or lust for power, is the new dynamic. (Emil Fuchs)

Consciousness

Instances of disassociation during the life process and the shift of consciousness upon death have helped me realize that consciousness is not only located in the brain. At times of pain because of my disability my consciousness shifted to points outside of my body so that I became a spectator of my own actions. I have heard similar reports from others during their periods of stress or pain. During my near-death-experience my consciousness shifted for a while to the "outskirts" of the spirit plane while my body remained here. Several people have also reported being able to project their consciousness to locations outside of the body. "Reality is only partly our invention; it is also partly our discovery. Our task is to discover how much and in what areas which is which; and then to determine how much new freedom this gives us and what we can do with it". (Lawrence LeShan)

Spiritual Path

Today during my recovery meeting I described myself as a "spiritual mutt", meaning that my spiritual beliefs are taken from a variety of sources, and that I follow none purely. I have followed and practiced several traditions, not ever believing that any one was the best path but realizing that each had something to teach me. My first paths were all Christian where I first found the strength and power of God but also the conditional nature of some of the beliefs. I turned to Taoism in order to find harmony in that Way, I worked diligently at various Hindu and Buddhist meditative practices, where I discovered the absolute nature of God’s love. I then spent several years following and deepening a mixture of Navajo and Christian beliefs and practices. One of the central principles I found was that all of the systems where approaching the same things using different words and that the different words used were not important — the Love is. The journey and its results have been wonderful. "these, and everything that is both mean and divine say that God is our goal and destiny, and without Him there is no meaning." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Unconditional Love

In 2006 I had a Near-Death-Experience during which I met briefly with God, Jesus or some other entity, an experience I will never forget. It was then that I first felt the absolute and unconditional nature of God’s love, very pure, simple and powerful. I was told "This is what it feels like to be dead" and given the opportunity to return to my earthly life. I chose to come back because I knew that entity wanted me to and I would do absolutely anything that entity wanted of me. The love for me was that strong. "There are, says the saint [St. John of the Cross], encounters with God such that the devil cannot possibly counterfeit them, nor can one’s imagination create them. Some are so indelibly imprinted in the center of one’s being that they can neither be described nor forgotten."