Responsible Citizen

  Yesterday I spent some time listening to N.P.R. and then read some in the “Washington Post” and, as expected, I felt a bit depressed and anxious at the state of the world and some of the things people are doing.  I was being a “responsible citizen” in keeping up with the news.  The presentation was balanced, logical and evidence based.  As is my usual practice I also chose to meditate on peace, love, God and eternity and, of course, felt much better realizing that, in the eternal sense, the world was fine.  To me, being that responsible citizen includes the meditative perspective and spreading peace and love in everything I do.  “To understand better the value of silence in daily life, and its relation to this spiritual transformation for which we yearn, it is useful first to consider the limitation of language, of words.  It is next useful to contemplate the limitations of logical reasoning.” (Seeger)

Godly Actions

  In the process of my daily activities and especially when approaching something new, as I described yesterday I always check in with God and the universe in general to make sure that the action/activity is motivated by love.  The activity I am approaching has to satisfy each of the three questions (Would I do this in front of God; Is it really my responsibility; Is this a loving act).  In addition, the actions I take are generally aimed at serving others, not selfish.  “The fruits of the Spirit [tests if leadings are divine in origin] have been translated as ‘love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control’” (Galatians 5:23 NJB) p 5

Change

 I can sense my life shifting and changing, which on the one hand I welcome and on the other hand I am uncomfortable with the feeling of being groundless and up in the air.  I have not posted since August because the inspiration was not there --- now it is.  I have not been reading at all and was told to meditate and not to rely on the guidance of others.  I have begun reading again specifically to find some guidance in my exploration of the "unseen realm" (unseen influences, energy fields, love, angels, spirits, etc).  Recently, my focus has been on helping my mother-in-law have a peaceful transition to death.  She will die very soon and I believe that I am preparing for my  next "adventure".  I always do what I'm told.

Spiritual Practice

  I was watching a movie (“Whale Rider”) last night in which a girl is prevented from spiritual practices because she is female and then becomes a spiritual leader of her people.  During the movie in my body and mind I felt/heard several times the message that “this is important, pay attention”, a message I am quite familiar with.  At the present time I attend (not a member) a Quaker church, a community of spiritual seekers and finders who practice no dogma and worship through silent meditation.  Many of them think that there is something spiritually special about being a Quaker.  I am, what I consider, a spiritual “stray dog” with a history of Christian, Navajo, Taoist, Buddhist, Hindu and Zen roots and present day ties to none.  It seems important for me to practice and know that distinctions according to sex, religion, race, etc. are human not God based.  There are many paths to God and level of devotion makes a difference but other categories do not.

Gratitude

  Yesterday I went through my daily routine, merely accepting what needed doing in a very matter-of-fact manner.  I exercised, shaved, ate salad for lunch, did some cooking, resting and meditating.  Today I did much the same but with a tremendous sense of gratitude.  I could not stand and cook for years early in my recovery.  Also for the first five years of my recover I could not exercise my muscles without spastic cramping.  I began my exercise program with 0.3 miles on an exercise bike with no resistence.  I just recently went through a decade of not having enough jaw coordination to eat things like salad.  I find that I am very grateful for my current abilities.

Change

“If you continue to do what you have always done, you will continue to get what you have  always gotten.”  A simple phrase which I originally encountered many years ago written in chalk on the blackboard in a recovery meeting.  The phrase has been on my mind so I expect I should pay attention.  I have made some large changes in my behavior recently which I could consider.  Maria, my wife, has been staying with her mother, while her mother recovers from a broken hip, so I have been on my own.  Additionally, my recovery meetings have been cancelled due to the pandemic, leaving me even more on my own.  As a result I have ramped up my prayer, meditation and gratitude practices.  It is useful for me to realize that I am doing well without these external supports and also how much I value personal connection.  I have made it a point to have several connections a week.  I feel spiritually and emotionally strong.

Unconditional Love

As a part of feeling love, compassion and empathy for myself and the other humans on this earth, I need to recognize that our behavior and beliefs also make me angry, at times.  I suspect that all of us have been fear driven, egotistical and shortsighted sometimes, which makes it hard to judge.  The resulting behavior makes me angry, particularly when that behavior is directed at me.  I note that unconditional love, like the colors that make up white light, is the combination of all feelings.  So, in order for me to feel the pure love I wish to feel, I need to acknowledge and feel the anger and then transcend the anger to feelings of love, compassion and empathy.  That feels good but I find it hard to remember and I need to work on it today.

Retail Therapy

I read the “Washington Post” which says that the world is in chaos and getting worse daily with issues like a surging pandemic, out-of-control economy, a coming police state, habitat destruction, climate change, etc.  I then meditate on peace and love and realize that, in an eternal sense, everything is fine.  I go about my day “broadcasting” peace, love, understanding and compassion every chance I get, knowing that might help the situation.  On the other hand I understand that car sales are at a record level and my thought is that “retail therapy” will not work.  “An Indian says you search, in vain, for what you cannot find.  He says you found a thousand ways of runnin down your time.  He didn’t scream it, he said it in a song and he’s never been known to be wrong.” (from the movie “Jeremiah Johnson”)

Search for Meaning

I spent much of my earlier life, before recovery and becoming disabled, trying to find a sense of meaning, wholeness and peace in external, often material things.  My searching never resulted in anything other than short term gratification and the accumulation of meaningless stuff. Then, as I had those things stripped away from me or I chose to give them up.  I did not realize it at the time but I stopped searching and began working on being.  What I was looking for was there all the time  — I just needed to stop looking for it and be with it.  “An Indian says you search, in vain, for what you cannot find.  He says you find a thousand ways of runnin down your time.  He didn’t scream it, he said it in a song and he’s never been known to be wrong.” (from the movie “Jeremiah Johnson”)

God's Will

Well, it is now July and the heat and humidity have returned for the next three months or so.  The state of MD has also now partially opened its business doors so the traffic has increased, though not as heavily as it has been.  The heat, humidity, traffic and population density are all factors that I find less than desirable Maine or Vermont would be more suitable.  However, when Maria and I came east we each realized that this is where our God wanted us to be.  I was asked recently if I was happy being in this location and I felt compelled to say what I did not like but also that I felt I was right where I should be, a very good feeling.