Giving Up Anger

In order for me to give up my anger and judgments it has been very important for me to first realize that my anger was only a surface emotion and the deeper and more important feelings were the underlying hurts, fears and insecurities. It has also been important for me to always keep in mind that I was the source of the anger not the other person so that the resolution of the anger rested with me and that I could let it go any time I wanted. The difficult part for me was looking at my own underlying hurts, fears and insecurities, embracing them as part of me and loving the other person in spite of their having bumped into my own issues. The process has taken many years to look at and let go of all of it, time well spent.

Loving Not Judging

One of the central topics in my recovery meeting today was anger and how to deal with it so I have been reflecting on my journey as far as anger. When I first got into recovery I was still carrying a lot of anger at my high school vice principal - from twenty years before! At that time I realized that "anger corrodes the container it is in", meaning that I was only hurting myself. Over the years I have learned to accept and even embrace the things that made me angry, usually my own insecurities, fears and hurts. I now feel the anger and it’s underlying cause, sometimes express it (without causing harm) and let it go, quickly. Love and forgiveness feel much better and are not self-destructive.

Holistic Healing 2

Today I went to the medical intuitive or healer I have been going to for the last five years. He uses a form of healing touch that is commonly called psychic healing, decidedly out of the mainstream. Healing touch is one of the techniques I was referring to yesterday. Healing touch has been shown several times to have positive healing effects, but is largely ignored by mainstream medicine. I use it daily and have used it with numerous others, with positive results. Many years ago an older, well respected embryology professor of mine commented "treasure your exceptions, since that is where the learning is". I took note of this since most of my teachers were teaching me to pay attention to what was normal or average, not exceptional. I am an exception since most people do not do as well as I do or use the healing techniques I use.

Holistic Health

On N.P.R. today they were talking about various health matters and the fact that the medical/scientific community which prides itself on being objective, in fact has subjective biases which have prevented them from seeing the truth. The main examples were from the past cholera epidemic and the more recent development of drug resistant strains of pathogens. I take note of this since there are now many sound studies showing the health benefits of meditation, visualization, prayer and love versus stress, which are largely dismissed. The potential benefits are very real and I have been using them for years.

Choice

My way of life is not particularly popular, glorious or showy. However, it does lead to a deep sense of inner fulfillment. My life is based on spiritual and emotional growth in ideals such as love, connection and peace. All of my material needs are met and I realize that I have more than I really need to survive. However, compared to many in my culture, I don’t have much in the way of material possessions and I am aware that if everyone lived the way I do, much of the economy would collapse. It’s a great way to live!

Reality 2

This morning, at my recovery meeting, the speaker talked about the sense of Self that a person can get to through meditation. He spoke of arriving at a very genuine sense of Self that is beyond words, beyond the intellect and beyond what a person does. As I told him after the meeting, I call that sense the "I amness". That part is love-based and closer to God than the rest of me. Thinking of that caused me to re-write my closing comments yesterday to "My name is Charlie, I am a 67 year old, disabled alcoholic/addict with several wonderful gifts. I am."

Reality

I felt old, creaky and disabled today. I also had some wonderful sessions with newly recovering addicts/alcoholics, good conversations with my wife and meaningful meditations. Overall, it was a mixed day, full of the realities of life, difficult, wonderful and fulfilling. I am a 67 year old, disabled alcoholic/addict with several wonderful gifts.

Love is Eternal

One of the practices in my book that I have done myself several times and recommended to others numerous times is to write a letter to dead loved ones, telling them "of your love and anything you wish you had said to them while they were alive. Within that letter also ask that they give you a sign that they have heard you and know of your feelings." I then suggest that the person "go to a quiet, meaningful place outside, burn the letter and listen or be aware of any signs." The reason I suggest the last is that there is always a sign that the dead loved one heard, especially if requested, meaning they are still present, just in a different realm. Love is eternal.

Significance

When observing myself or others I often feel that we are basically playing in a big, complicated sandbox, making believe that our actions have some significance. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the sandbox as much as the next person and I delight in taking part in the play, I just don’t take it very seriously, in an eternal sense. I recall the comment I heard many years ago that "Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all". I also notice that love and relationships matter, they do have eternal significance and increase the integrity of the universe.

Paradox

It’s paradoxical for me to view the world and observe that, on the one hand, in many ways, we are destroying each other and this wonderful planet while on the other hand knowing that everything is just fine, perfect even. As I say in my website, book and this blog, my goal is to change the world - one person at a time, but I also realize that I am only one voice and that my overall impact is likely to be small. That situation is also perfect, though I will also do everything in my power to change it. My life feels very paradoxical and that seems to be good.