Balance

I love humanity! Watching and being with us is very much like watching the growth, attempts, impatience, successes and mistakes of the young D.C. eaglets I have been observing. Their antics are entertaining and wonderful. Recently one of them went so far as to leave the nest before it was truly ready to be on its own. We have done something similar in our fascination with technology, logical reasoning, instant gratification and toys, leaving our roots in spiritual connectedness behind. We are not ready to do that in a balanced, healthy way. It’s time to return to the nest.

Thoughts

Two days ago I spoke of the apparent limitations of words and logical reasoning, pointing out that , by itself, the logical "scientific" reasoning we have become enamored with actually interferes with knowing what we call the spiritual part of life. I understand that we make use of approximately 10% of the brain for the linear, logical reasoning. I suspect that part of the remaining 90% can be used for other approaches to living that historically been vital for our survival as a species. That would include things like intuition, other forms of non-linear thinking and living according to the fact that we are totally dependent on this earth and its other inhabitants, ways of life that are frequently found in "primitive" cultures. It is certainly true that without logical reasoning these beliefs can lead to erroneous conclusions - but then reasoning by itself leads to problems as well.

Meditation

Through the process of quiet meditation I have realized that the use of words and reason, the intellect that I relied on for many years, actually interfere with the serenity and conscious contact I strive to achieve. It’s as if the ability to achieve that feeling comes from a different part of the brain/heart. I was pleased to read something similar in Silence: Our Eye On Eternity, by Daniel A. Seeger. He comments that "To understand better the value of silence in daily life, and its relation to this spiritual transformation for which we yearn, it is useful first to consider the limitation of language, of words"......."It is next useful to contemplate the limitations of logical reasoning." Personally, I have not found it possible to eliminate that part of my brain but I can make it quiet by shifting my focus to my breathing or the feeling of love.

Being and Doing

This was a quiet day, a day of exercise, self-care, meditating, asking for guidance and some cooking. The day began shortly after midnight with a period of prayer and meditation followed by several hours of sleep and then beginning the next part of my day at seven. I exercised, did some stretching, Tai Chi and mowed the front lawn, which ends up being good physical therapy. In the afternoon, during the heat of the day, I did more exercising, contemplation and some cooking. During all of these activities I tried to be patient, at peace, grateful and present. It was a good day.

Life 2

I have spent a large part of the last few days reflecting on my past, what I have been through in my process of individuation, becoming whole and holy. As I indicated yesterday, I can now understand and be compassionate to many diverse people. The words of Mother Theresa come to mind; "People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.  If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, It never was between you and them anyway.

Life

Because of my history and experiences , I am now approachable and can understand and work with many diverse people in a healing, loving way. As I said yesterday "I am well aware of the presence of my shadow or dark side and spent several years living there." I have integrated and learn to love that part of myself. I have hurt people and been hurt, had years of physical pain, lived with a major, life threatening disability for many years, had a near death experience, am a recovering alcoholic and connect with God every night. These are all part of being Charlie and being of service. In the words of Claremont deCastillejo "In those rare moments when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder; when all are allowed and none displaces any other in the mind of a man, then that man, though he may utter no word is in an attitude of prayer. Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh."

Shadow Side

I get up in the middle of the night for several hours of prayer and meditation. The night, the darkness is, for me, a sacred time when my "conscious contact" is at its peak. I am well aware of the presence of my shadow or dark side and spent several years living there. I now use the same energy to live in the Light and to project that Light in everything I do. This is very similar to what John Yungblut says of Carl Jung "What deeper meaning did this paradox hold for him? It was the revelation that not only might good be wrought from the darkness of the unformed abyss, the unconscious, but that part of the very energy of the evil urge in man, if one would but wrestle with it, as had Jacob with the angel, would yield its own peculiar blessing. So profoundly did he trust the darkness of the unconscious!"

Sspiritual Growth

I have achieved a high degree of joy, love, spiritual and emotional freedom in spite of having to deal with several physical and emotional challenges, various people have called me "enlightened". In the process I have given up many attachments and beliefs. As Jack Kornfield wrote "To love fully and live well requires us to recognize finally that we do not possess or own anything---our homes, our cars, our loved ones, not even our own body. Spiritual joy and wisdom do not come through possession but rather through our capacity to open, to love more fully, and to move and be free in life." I have also done an in-depth inventory of myself in order to become aware of the emotional baggage holding me back from complete spiritual growth in keeping with Kornfield’s comment that "Wise spiritual practice requires that we actively address the pain and conflict of our life in order to come to inner integration and harmony. Through the guidance of a skillful teacher, meditation can help bring this healing. Without including the essential step of healing, students will find that they are blocked from deeper levels of meditation or are unable to integrate them into their lives.

Hope

I have hope for the future - I am a dreamer. I know that humans are capable of acting and thinking not out of violence and anger, but according to "that of God" in each of us. As in my case the violent part, potential, will always be there but it need not be expressed. We can begin to take actions according to three questions that are the focus of my book (Would I do this in front of God [or whatever you call the power or force behind the Universe]; Is my name really on it [or is it really my responsibility]; Will this increase the integrity of the universe [or is this action motivated by love, rather than fear, acting out of love always increases the integrity of the universe]), or something like them. People could begin to act out of love (inclusiveness, compassion, connection) and less fear (money, power, prestige, individuation & isolation). My wish is that we get to such a place as peacefully as possible.

Spirits

Two days ago Maria and I went back to Gettysburg in order for me to continue working with the troubled spirits of the dead soldiers there. My work with those spirits is ongoing, mostly in the middle of the night and including the recent trip. In addition to doing a sort of therapy with them (listening, being compassionate & understanding, making suggestions), I have basically recruited them in order to encourage the living to act more out of love (inclusiveness, compassion, connection) and less fear (money, power, prestige, individuation & isolation). As a part of my mission with the spirits I repeatedly pass on to them the intense feeling of unconditional love which was shown to me during my near death experience. This whole process is tremendously rewarding, exciting, weird and totally exhausting.