Perspective

I can feel the burning nuclear furnace of Love/God around my heart center directing me to be of service and to spread the words of Love, healing, peace and well being, a wonderful feeling. It’s not that I do not have the normal, self-centered thoughts and fears I grew up with - I do. Those thoughts and fears just do not seem very compelling or important to me now. I am also very aware of other more public concerns such as our political situation or Houston, but know that somehow things are for the best. I like the words written by Stephen Mitchell in The Gospel According to Jesus: "‘Blessed are the pure in heart, for they already see God.’ Seeing God means they have died to self, since ‘no one can see God and live’ (Exodus 33:12). Not that selfish concerns don’t arise for them; but they aren’t attached to these concerns; they have no self for selfishness to stick to; hence they can be carried along in the clear current of what is."

Life Of Prayer

Today I felt emotionally and spiritually lost with no familiar landmarks which, this evening, I am at peace with and feel good about since the feeling reflects my growth. Earlier today I just felt lost. I have put aside the familiar material landmarks like job completion and acknowledgment in order to explore the "unknown and unknowable". I need to recall the words of Thomas H. Green: "The life of prayer is perhaps the most mysterious dimension of all human experience. We come to be at home with a God we cannot see. We discover that it is only by giving ourselves away totally that we truly come to possess ourselves, that we are most free when most surrendered. We begin to realize that light is darkness and darkness light. We become lost in a trackless desert — and then, if we persevere despite our disorientation, we begin to realize that it is only being lost, in losing ourselves, that we are found. The whole of our life and not just our prayer life, becomes a paradox, an apparent contradiction concealing and revealing a deeper truth, because we begin to realize that we must live as we pray"

Perspective

At our bird feeder we get a young cowbird that acts like a baby, wanting to be fed by its adoptive parent, an adult chipping sparrow. In this case the "baby" bird being fed is much larger than the adult feeding it, a strange sight. Cowbirds are "social parasites", laying their eggs in the nests of other birds, their hosts. The hatchling cowbirds then take over the nest by aggressively getting rid of any competing young or eggs and taking advantage of the parental instincts of the adults. On the one hand this situation can be viewed as a disturbing ethical breech. The situation can also be seen as a delightful example of the vitality and persistence of life. Both views are quite accurate and I prefer to have both views. "Jesus said, ‘I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’" (the gospel of Thomas)

God

During days like today I actually have an impulse to hug and kiss many of the people I interact with, particularly those I know well. The feeling is totally innocent, stemming from an inner furnace of affection and love. I enjoy the impulse though I generally do not act on it since it would not be seen as proper. I actually feel that furnace most strongly during the silent meditation in the middle of the night and realize it comes from the force I call God. It is a powerful and very healing feeling. "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large." (Seeger)

Service Work

With my interactions of late, whether recovery or health related, I am aware that is when I feel the strongest Love, connection and presence. That is also when I feel the strongest support and guidance, all of which make my life very rich and fulfilling. "In the ancient system of yoga, serving others and the renewal of the server are not two separate processes, but a single, indivisible one." I do not know how true this is of others but as long as I continue to lead a life which is focused on being of service to others, I do not experience any "dry" spiritual times, periods when I feel no connection.

Discernment

I lead a life based on Love and being of service, relying on the comment by Jesus that "you will know me by my fruits" rather than the dogma or guidance of any sort of religious practice. The "fruits" I look for include; "love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:23). I do not participate in self-serving, self-centered or other activities that do not feel right and I have been granted the gift of discernment. I have to pay attention and listen also using the three questions that are the central focus of my book. In the words of Patricia Loring "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." It is also well worth the effort.

I am

Through the process of meditation I have discovered a very loving, constructive and powerful Self or sense of "I am" which also seems to be allied with or part of the force I have come to know as God. I have encountered the same Self within recovering addicts I have worked with and believe that Self is part of all of us. That self is capable of wonderful and very healing actions. "Get to know that "I am" without words which arises in the morning. Knowing the Self, abiding in the Self-knowledge, is not a mere intellectual knowing. You must be that, and you should not move away from it. Remain firm." (Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj). I believe that Self is what Jesus was talking about when he said "Blessed is the one who came into being before he came into being."

Special Sensitivity

Yesterday I was talking to someone about, what I call, their "special sensitivity" to the unseen world. The sorts of feelings or sensations that dogs and some people sense and react to, like energy fields, presence, negative/evil forces, love or spirits. In my case my sensitivity now includes all of the above but began with the negative. I have also witnessed dogs, cats and very young children reacting to the unseen. Partly because of this sensitivity my world is incredibly rich and my daily interactions are very fulfilling. In the words of Walsch "Once you’ve had such a magnificent experience, it can be very difficult to go back to "real life" in a way that blends well with what other people are calling "reality". That is because your reality has shifted. It has become something else. It has expanded, grown. And it cannot be shrunk again. It’s like trying to get the genie back in the bottle. It can’t be done."

Love

In my recovery meeting today the main theme was mistakes or failure and it was clear that most of the members feel they make mistakes and continue to strive for the human concept of perfection. I also heard a lot of the gentle, loving laughter that I apply to myself whenever these or other very human, normal, critical thoughts pop up in my mind. The laughter is one of fondness and recognition, and it helps me not take such thoughts seriously. My mystical connection tells me that spiritually we are all perfect in our imperfection and that failure does not exist - those human concepts do not exist within the Love I find there. In the words of Walsch "1. God needs nothing. 2. God cannot fail, and neither can you. 3. Nothing is separate from anything. 4. There is enough. 5. There is nothing you have to do. 6. You will never be judged.  7. You will never be condemned. 8. Love knows no condition. 9. A thing cannot be superior to itself. 10. You already know all of this."

Gratitude

This morning I was returning to the house after replenishing the seeds in our bird feeders and as I was entering the house I felt a strong sense of an urge to stay outside, bless the plants in our yard, be present and express gratitude. It was a glorious connection to the morning and the spiritual zone around our house. I was reminded of the words that Walsch attributed to God; "I tell you, I am in every flower, every rainbow, every star in the heavens, and everything in and on every planet rotating around every star. I am the whisper of the wind, the warmth of your sun, the incredible individuality and the extraordinary perfection of each snowflake. I am the majesty in the soaring flight of eagles, and the innocence of the doe in the field; the courage of lions, the wisdom of the ancient ones."