Listening

This morning during my recovery meeting I was planning to request a "group conscience" in order to discuss what I thought was the need for the meeting to be more rigid in its adherence to traditional recovery — But when I got there I felt compelled to wait and listen. I was concerned that my desire of calling for that group conscience and being more rigid was motivated by ego fears and not love based. My plan did not feel right so I kept quiet and listened. There were two very new people at the meeting, one of them still detoxing. They each expressed their gratitude and were obviously helped by the looseness of the meeting. They had each attended more traditionally rigid meetings and clearly benefitted from our looser approach. I think I will remain quiet. "It [inner silence] is to establish an inner peace, an inner harmony, which will allow us authentically to contribute to the establishment of an outer peace and an outer harmony in the world at large." (Daniel A. Seeger)

Guidance

Two days ago I wrote of putting the final touches on the coming retreat and, like everything else in my life, seeking guidance for my words and actions. Within that guidance I then choose what, if any, action to take, exercising my free will. Having experienced negative consequences by going against that guidance numerous times, I now follow that guidance. Generally I enter into a period of meditation with a request for guidance and wait until I feel right or clear about a response. If the question persists and clarity does not come, I do nothing.

Retreat

Today I was making some final preparations for a four day (1½ travel, 2½ actual retreat) spiritual retreat I will be leading in Mexico during the middle of September, part of my effort to change the world "one person at a time". There will be approximately ten people there and I will make an effort to be a loving, Godly presence as I loosely guide them for the weekend. The theme will be developing the God seed in each of us. I will be passing on what I have been given, which feels like the least I can do. We will also be located on the shore of the Sea of Cortez, near Rocky Point, a pleasant and vibrant location. I look forward to greeting the earth and the animals at dawn as I sit and meditate along the shoreline.

Near-Death-Experience

One of the things I was told during my Near-Death-Experience in 2006 was "This is what it feels like to be dead", a feeling of very powerful, cleansing, healing and pure unconditional love — much stronger than anything of human origin. I have since come to understand that feeling is there as part of the atmosphere all of the time, while the appearance and what happens shifts. I have found that, with God’s help, I can generate something close to that feeling and then pass it on. I channel and generate that feeling when doing s healing. "A mystical touch is a deep, intimate contact-union-experience of God in one of His attributes such as power, light, goodness, beauty, or joy." (Thomas Dubay, S. M.)

Differences

I was watching the movie "Divergent" tonight about a young woman who did not fit nicely into any single behavioral category and had problems because of it. She was a miss-fit which caused her difficulties. Admittedly, I have not been calm and sweet about it, but I too have been considered to be a miss-fit. Throughout my life, beginning when I was quite young, many people have tried to "correct" my behavior which I experienced as not being understood or accepted. I now consider myself to be an independent individual with a strong, loving respect for people’s differences. I encourage and value differences, partly because I know what it feels like to not be accepted. "To resign one’s self to the fact that one must travel much in the dark and be greatly sifted and tossed about is an inevitable step in the way of spiritual growth." (Gilbert Kilpack)

Action

In my efforts to lead what Patricia Loring calls a discerned life and "changing the things I can", I find that I am most comfortable with the "humble and hidden activities" she speaks of, since there is less chance of offending anyone. I am now in a situation which will require "bold and dramatic action", which I have been putting off until I knew how to do it in a loving and respectful way. Previously I have only thought of ways to confront this person in an angry, judgmental way, which would serve no-one (but be justified and self-righteous!). "It requires even more discernment to discover whether the ministry called for from a particular individual in a particular instance requires prophetic speech, humble and hidden activities, bold and dramatic action, professional service or some, novel and previously unimagined course."

Balance

Patricia Loring commented that "To undertake to live a discerned life, to endeavor daily to be attuned to authentic movements of the Spirit leading us into greater fullness of life, is a strenuous undertaking." My life is always shifting so the balance required to live the "discerned life" she speaks of also changes. A few months ago it became clear that I needed more relaxation and "me" time so I began watching a few movies each week on my computer. Right now the weather is cooling off a bit (low 80s rather than low 90s) so it is possible, once again, to work in the garden, a peaceful distraction for me. I am also continuing with my other spiritually nourishing activities like meditation, recovery and Quaker meetings, working with people, reading and writing. Leading a discerned life is, indeed, a "strenuous undertaking" but well worth it. I find that I am always listening for possible life changes during meditation time. And never totally comfortable.

Conflicts

A substantial part of the incredible richness of the human experience stems from our potential internal conflicts and how we resolve those conflicts (free will). Our conflicts result from dualities like fear versus faith, temporal vs. eternal or short term vs. long-term. Within those and other dualities we have choices. The choices we make contribute to our growth and also reflect that growth. During my process I have made all sorts of choices and now choose the direction of love, faith and the eternal. As Walsch says in a comment he attributes to God "Embrace every circumstance, own every fault, share every joy, contemplate every mystery, walk in every man’s shoes, forgive every offense (including your own), heal every heart, honor every person’s truth, adore every person’s God, protect every person’s rights, preserve every person’s dignity, promote every person’s interests, provide every person’s needs, presume every person’s holiness, present every person’s greatest gifts, produce every person’s blessing, and pronounce every person’s future secure in the assured love of God."

One Master

When I am wrapped up in fear I lose the Kingdom or the feeling of being surrounded by a bubble of love — not that it goes anywhere but I do. I also lose that Presence when I become to enamored with or attached to material possessions. I can and do certainly participate in earthly things, just not attempt to make them more than transitory, relatively meaningless, but pleasurable events or possessions. This sort of attitude in me makes it difficult for me to fit into this culture at times, but that’s fine. I agree with St. Augustine’s comment that "we cannot serve two masters. But a man does try to serve two masters if he seeks both the kingdom of God for the great good it is and those other temporal things."

The Kingdom

That the kingdom of God, the Presence and power of unconditional Love, is both within and all around me is an astounding fact of life. I even felt it as a child, though not as acutely as I do today. As a child I also did not realize that I was part of that force, that it was within me or that I could connect with it as deeply as I do today. I find it amazing that Jesus said "The kingdom of God is not coming with signs that can be observed, nor will they say; ‘Look here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ for the kingdom of God is within you." and yet I was always told to search for the kingdom in external things. I also always sensed that it was out of my reach not that the kingdom was all around me and I could connect with it. "Jesus also said, ‘I am the light which is before all things. It is I who am all things. From me all things came forth, and to me all things extend. Split a piece of wood, and I am there; lift up the stone, and you will find me.’"