Change

I hesitate to say this, but there may be a shift happening in the direction of love, peace, understanding and compassion. It seems that we have been going through a period of hate, anger and fear which has been spearheaded by our presidential administration and other leaders around the world. Those leaders and ours brought us to an important "bottom" of sorts. It appears to me that the bottom scared enough people that the tide is now shifting. I am hopeful and we shall see. "It is not that the demonic forces within the unconscious are not capable of destruction and disintegration. It is rather that within the mystery of the conjunction of opposites their sting can be drawn, their poison drained, and their very energy harnessed to realize a more profound individuation. (John Yungblut)

I Am

I have been listening to the news the last couple of days and today I was talking to someone about a beating in public where the victim called for help and no-one responded, both producing a pretty dark view of our current status. I began looking at the world through an earthly, temporal lens rather than the eternal, "I am" lens which Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj writes about. The I am part of each of us knows that using the eternal view, everything is unfolding well and we are moving in a loving direction, even when the short term view looks dark. The I am part has always been there and is firmly rooted in love. As did Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, I access that part through meditation. "[Jesus said,] ‘Blessed is the one who came into being before he came into being.’" (from the gospel of Thomas)

Broadcasting

Today I spent time focusing on and broadcasting the feeling of God or, if you prefer, the intense feeling of unconditional Love. I did that on my own while meditating in my living room and also several times while at a recovery meeting, each being a small, but very important, part of my day. It feels great when I do that and I am "stronger" than I used to be — but, I feel, not as strong as I will be. My goal is to be able to alter the energy field around people such that they can readily get past any negative thoughts or feelings and feel the Love. I have succeeded in doing that several times in the past and wish to develop and better control the ability. Time to work on that!

Balance

Today I spent several hours preparing a big batch (5-6 gallon) of vegetable soup. I also exercised for a couple of hours, mentored one person, made dinner and had several periods of rest and meditation. All that may not sound like a big deal for a normal person but I was very conscious of both pushing myself and staying within my own limitations. It is important for me to balance pushing myself and recognizing my limitations if I wish to remain functional within my disability. When I over do it I can injure myself or get overly tired and if I don’t push I tend to become less able, a direction I do not wish to go. Today I was successful at maintaining a balance.

Disruptive People

Over the last several days I have had many opportunities to express, once again, that it is healing for all concerned to address angry, disruptive or hurtful people with compassion, love and understanding. They have probably been hurt enough and do not need even polite, justified jabs from us. There is no need for us to take their comments personally and they will benefit from compassion, love and understanding. My immediate tendency is to strike back verbally but if I stay quiet and go off by myself to calm down and reflect, everyone benefits. "In the Dhammapada the Buddha teaches that in this world hate never dispels hate. Only love dispels hate."

Sacred Space

This morning I had the honor of being part of a "Sacred (God?) Space" where people felt able to talk and feel things they had never felt or said before, a memorable and loving experience. The occasion was our reading group and all the members of the group took part in creating (allowing) the Sacred Space in the manner of the deCastillejo quote I presented a few days ago. "In those rare moments when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder; when all are allowed and none displaces any other in the mind of a man, then that man, though he may utter no word is in an attitude of prayer. Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh."

Struggle

Today was one of those days when life feels like a struggle — so I did it anyway. I have chosen a rigorous spiritual path and have been given many gifts as a result. I would have it no other way but today the path just feels difficult and demanding. I often feel great joy, but today I do not — which seems to be part of this path. I simply did the things I normally do — knowing that "this too shall pass". I am now writing about it though I would rather not and would rather be upbeat. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." (Rufus Jones)

Growth

In preparation for our reading group I have been re-reading the "Refiner’s fire" section of the book Our Life is Love: The Quaker Spiritual Journey, written by Marcelle Martin. In this section she writes of God’s cleansing or purifying a person of any ideas or attitudes that do not fit within compassion, love and God. She often refers to God’s judgment and this shift being a painful realization process for many people. In my connection with God I find God’s Love to be absolute and unconditional, meaning any judgement does not come from God and is probably of human origin. As a species we are very good at judgment and criticism — we are learning about acting out of love.

Rainmaker Ideal

For many years now I have followed a path that I call the "Rainmaker Ideal", attempting to achieve its openness.  I first encountered the ideal in the beautiful writings of Irene Claremont deCastillejo. As she stated "We have forgotten how to allow. The essence of the Rainmaker is that he knows how to allow. The Rainmaker walks in the middle of the road, neither held back by the past nor hurrying towards the future, neither lured to the right nor to the left, but allowing the past and the future, the outer world of the right and the inner images of the left all to play upon him while he attends, no more than attends, to the living moment in which these forces meet.

In those rare moments when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder; when all are allowed and none displaces any other in the mind of a man, then that man, though he may utter no word is in an attitude of prayer. Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh." I have found on numerous occasions that my presence and this level of allowing have a remarkable healing effect on people. Speaking is difficult for me and it often seems that my silent presence is enough.

Self-care

In terms of my own recuperation after the retreat I made the very conscious choice to be easy on myself today and do things that supported my recovery. I did a lot of exercising, some cooking, some meditating and some quiet resting. I must admit that I thought about pushing myself to do more cooking, but did not.  During the retreat I went through several days of intensive giving through service and surrender to the powers of the universe and it is now time to rest. I am reminded that "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." (Rufus Jones)