Holistic Healing

I have achieved partial healing with my disability and for the last several days I have been trying to accomplish more. I have found that healing simple pathological conditions (cuts, burns, lesions) using the power of love through healing touch to be relatively straightforward and successful. In the case of my disability "it’s not that simple". As is my practice, I have been joining with my disability through meditation and through my exploration I have encountered a number of attitudinal and karmic factors which I have been sorting through. My object is to achieve the highest level of healing possible within God’s or the Universe’s plan for the greatest service to my fellows and eternity.

Boundaries

The theme for today’s recovery meeting was service especially to the newcomer and the integrity of the program in general. There were many strong and sometimes opposing views expressed about maintaining firm boundaries and continuing with the rules and guidelines of that specific program, as if the people within that program were different from all others. I certainly agree that, for the sake of the group, we should maintain our rules and guidelines. I also kept thinking that we are all basically the same, all one, and we all just want love, peace and understanding no matter what group we are part of.

Self-Worth

At my recovery meeting today several people spoke of being emotionally abusive and demanding toward themselves. I commented that was one of the hardest attitudes for me to give up during my many years of recovery but that I no longer did that. One of the factors that helped me a lot was the soft, gentle laughter I heard when I spoke of my tendency at meetings. At times I do still have difficulty with low self-worth and holding myself back or expecting to be put down. I was feeling that today, but, thankfully, not right now.

Paradox

Today I encountered the phrase "nothing matters; everything matters" and immediately knew that both were true. My understanding behind that "knowingness" is that nothing earthly matters within eternity since everything earthly is so temporal and replaceable. On the other hand everything matters since all thoughts and actions have at least a small impact on eternity. For me, the knowingness came first and was followed by logical understanding. I still feel more comfortable if I can put something in terms that I can logically understand.  I enjoy paradox.

Growth

As I said in my last entry, two days ago, "I am always on new spiritual and emotional ground, always striving" to be the best person I can be, which sounds simple — but is not. When I look back in my history I find many discouraging interactions with people of all ages and levels of authority over me. Many people attempted to hold me back, sometimes "for my own good" or my safety when I was feeling overly enthusiastic. I now expect that and tend to hold myself back at times. I strive to be free of past disappointment and just move forward. "People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, It never was between you and them anyway. (Mother Theresa)

Comfort

"Comfort is not part of Charlie" were the words I spoke a few years ago about my way of life. The fact is that I am always on new spiritual and emotional ground, always striving, so that I am never comfortably at rests. When younger, I did strive to achieve comfort through various material and worldly means only to be disappointed at how short lived and illusory the comfort was. I do feel a strong sense of joy and peace that I did not before, just not comfort.

Surrender

In our reading group yesterday the main topic was the spiritual significance of suffering and I commented that I gave every appearance of suffering, but was not because of the joy, peace love and eternity I lived within. I made the point that I had had a great deal of pain, which had resulted in ever deeper levels of surrender to the Love and eternity of God. I did not enjoy the pain when I was going through it, but I love the results. "To get we must also give, to advance we must also surrender, to gain we must lose, to attain we must resign. From the nature of things life means choice and selection, and every positive choice negates all other possibilities." p 46, Rufus Jones

Belief

I look around me and notice that many people, including our political leaders, are acting of an ultimately destructive seed by doing things like lying, denying the facts, pursuing self-centered objectives and short-term gains. I followed that path and fed that seed for many years until I became totally convinced the approach would ultimately kill me. Only after exhausting that alternative and through the love and support of many others, was I able to begin following a more constructive path. It is my hope that humanity follows a similar path. ".... We shall never succeed in stopping war until we have a human society permeated with persons who practice a way of life which removes and abolishes the grounds and occasions of war, and at the same time matures and ripens a spirit of mutual understanding and personal cooperation." (Rufus Jones)

Perspective

Today I felt tired, having not slept well, but also very solid, complete and connected to All-that-is, a good feeling. Once again I look around me and see that as a species many of us are killing each killing each other and destroying this planet we depend on. There are also those among us that are definitely contributing to the "integrity of the universe". All is well. "I take the spiritual life to be a life of which aims to discover human wholeness, the integration of all aspects of our humanity - body, soul, mind, emotions - and the connection of the self to all of creation." (Paul A. Lacey)

Spiritual Journey

Some time ago someone was asking how I was doing. I responded to their question with an involved reply and they then asked "are you at least comfortable" and I responded that "comfort is not part of being Charlie". The fact is that I am on a spiritual journey and constantly questing and evolving, which is not comfortable. I do not seek comfort though I certainly think about it. I think about just watching old "Andy Griffith" reruns and eating bacon-cheeseburgers but then I end up meditating instead. I am delighted with the choice I make and am aware of the alternative. "We want to be spiritually alive, but also to be comfortable; to be prayerful, but not to rise early in the morning to pray; to possess power to lead, but not to undergo the discipline that it takes to control the power." (Gilbert Kilpack)