Acting in the Present

I participated in a number of activities today which could have, potentially, caused a great deal of anxiety and frustration in me, but did not.  I simply did what seemed to be the next right thing and let go of the outcome, or the past history leading up to my actions.  The first activity was to straighten out some health insurance issues over the phone.  I have difficulty with phone conversations, because of my speech impediment and this was an issue that required a lot of explaining. They all involved similar activity. Later, I straightened out my corporate status, completed some paperwork and attended a wellness appointment with my physician, all of which required negotiating and explanation.
My point is that I did not delve into the past events that needed to be straightened out in order to move forward.  Neither did I fret over current difficulties in explaining the situation or worry about the eventual outcome.  In the past I would have done all three.   I simply did what seemed to be the next right thing.

Letting Go

I had a very graphic dream last night in which someone was trying to come in my window, I did not want him to, so I killed him by slicing him in half using a hand scythe!  Dreams where I end up killing something or someone, generally symbolize some sort of final change in me or a letting go.  The more graphic dreams, such as this one, indicate that the letting go was very difficult and important.  In this particular dream, the un-reality of the fact that there was no blood, makes the symbolic nature of the dream very clear.  The dream did not represent reality.
The attachment or belief that I have been processing and letting go of, is my attachment to the idea that there is something wrong with being held back from growth by some aspect of the human condition.  For example, many people choose the safety of a known job with benefits, rather than taking the plunge of following their heart toward a more fulfilling and risky future.  Having the faith and trust necessary to overcome their fear would promote their growth, and would be desirable, I thought.  I was taking a very short term stance.  In fact, experiencing that sort of conflict is a valuable part of living, whatever the outcome.

Being Human

The many people I know and care about tend to get down on themselves for acting out of habit, fear, projection, hurt or anger rather than love, faith and heart.  Basically they feel guilt and shame because of acting out of their own humanity, rather than some sort of higher ideal.  For example, holding a job because of a paycheck or keeping that job because of health insurance rather than quitting that job and pursuing some sort of activity that is risky, but feels right and seems to be more virtuous and heart centered.  There is tremendous value in feeling and living with that habit, fear, projection, hurt or anger, feeling it acutely and being aware of how it affects us.  Being human is, after all, what we are here for.  How else would we know and value the peace that comes from acting out of faith and heart/love.

My Song

My message to others is very simply the importance of love, compassion, connectedness and inclusion with no judgement, criticism, competition or drama.  That is also the way in which I live my life.  A few people take my simple message and project onto it their own feelings of judgement, criticism, competition and drama.  My tendency is to think of this projection as unfortunate but I just realized it is not.  Part of me wishes to change it but there is no need.  It is just another example of the, wonderful, human condition and I am only a tool, certainly not immune to the human condition.  I will go on speaking my truth and observing the outcome of my words.

A Beautiful Thing

It is fun to watch the various ideas and feelings in myself and others, come and go.  Even things like the feelings of loss due to a friend’s passing, the death of a relative or outrage at the way people are treating our mother, the earth, incite passion for a while, to be replaced with a feeling of peace and well being, if we allow it. Ultimately, I generally come to the realization that everything is just fine in the universe as it is.   As I commented in the lodge tonight, “being human is a beautiful thing.”

Watering the Seed of Love

I have spoken of that seed of peace and love inside each of us, with numerous people.  When I mention it I generally also mention the compelling nature of the, often negative, events of the world we live in.  The people I mention it to always understand each, even when they are totally wrapped up in the events of this world, like the drama, strong negative emotions and even emotional pain, the “dark side”.  It is a beautiful thing to watch a person wake up to the presence of that seed and begin to “water it”, meaning act on it and begin to live it.  For me, helping that transformation take place, one person at a time, is my way of changing the world.

The Seed of Love

I find the events of this world, like the drama, strong negative emotions and even emotional pain, are very compelling, though hollow and transient.  Those events draw me/us in and seem very real, even for me, having felt and lived with the reality of the other side.  Within each of us there is a seed of the peace and love of the other side.  When we find that seed and act on it, we know its truth and know its power, it feels right.  The trick for me is to continually turn my back on the compelling, but very transient, things of this world, and turn towards the peace and love in the eternity of the absolute.  It is my understanding that we are all learning to do that.

Pre-dawn Ceremony

It seems that all around me, people are turning back to using drugs or alcohol and I am acutely aware that the normal state for an addict such as myself, is using, meaning that I need to maintain my various disciplines, if I wish to live the clean and sober life I live.  One of those disciplines is to get out of bed “before the chickens crow” to pray, meditate and feel that loving connection with the absolute, or God.  That particular discipline is fundamental to my life and way of thinking.  It is also, in many ways, the highlight of my day.

Identification With The True Self

I find it easy to identify with and attach to the material/physical aspects of this world, the money, power and prestige.  When I was young those aspects seemed real and worthy of pursuing.  As I get older and having achieved many of those things, I recognize them as hollow and transient, but I am still part of a culture that honors money, power and prestige.  I now identify with and pursue my sense of Self that transcends the material in favor of connecting with the unchangeable, formless absolute, love and/or God.  That sense is neither hollow, nor transient and is very real.  The only way that I have succeeded in “pursuing” that sense is to cease identifying with the material and be with the absolute, simply allow it.

Appreciation of the Present

When I walked out into my drive this afternoon, I could feel the tree’s anticipation of the coming rain, a wonderful experience.  It has been dry here for several months and I can also feel an increase in the moisture level, which precedes the rain. I do not have a bunch of attachments and desires which would distract me from sensing and appreciating the wonder of the present moment.  It is also apparent that the trees have some sort of consciousness and appreciation for the transient nature of things.