Spiritual Path

In my connections and conversations today I had people bring up the notion that they had to “give up” various behaviors and attitudes like the enjoyment of material things, sex, wild parties or other activities in order to follow a “spiritual path”.  I think important to realize that it is impossible to not follow a spiritual path and that every event in life adds to that path.  I also think it important to realize that the various behaviors and attitudes are simply a wonderful part of being human and living on this planet.  It is all part of our growth and the reason we are here.
That being said, it is certainly possible, as in my case, to purposefully give up those attitudes and behaviors that tend to distract from things like love, connection, God or eternity and incorporate those things that reinforce those concepts.  For example, I do not own a TV, do not drink caffeinated beverages, eat limited sugar, do not consume drugs or alcohol, do not participate in gossip and tend not to attend large parties or social gatherings.  I do a lot of prayer, meditation, contemplation, exercise regularly, eat carefully and sleep enough.  My view is that is a matter of personal choice.

Different Events

To me, the most important event of the day was a sweat lodge for several recovering young addicts/alcoholics, a wonderful experience with lots of spiritual and human connectedness.  The lodge was preceded by several hours of staff meetings within the center that gives me most of my referrals, also with a good deal of connectedness, but less intensity.  The lodge is more personal and immediate, while the staff meeting is more professional.  The difference in my motivation and level of passion is quite noticeable, to me.  However, both are vital for me continuing what I do.  In each case, I simply wish to promote the importance and power of love, connectedness, understanding, compassion and the belief in some sort of unifying, benevolent force.

Awakening

I went through years (like thirty-six!) of being “asleep”, as the Buddhists would call it.  Meaning, I was going through life as a functioning child then adult without much thought or awareness of underlying motives or attitudes.  Using things like various teachers/guides journaling, introspection and meditation, I then began to become aware of the fears, attachments and desires that were driving me and that those driving forces did not feel good.  I then, systematically, one at a time, began giving up those fears, attachments and desires and turned, instead, toward things like love and compassion, a very healing journey.  One of the aware nesses that I have developed over the years is how beautifully human  every step of this process was/is, even being “stuck” at one point or another.

Causes of Suffering

Several more examples today of how desires, attachments and expectations can really affect our emotions and attitudes.  As various mystics and spiritual leaders have commented, our desires, attachments and expectations can pull us away from feelings like love, compassion and understanding, making it difficult or impossible to nurture that good seed in each of us.  As they commonly state, and I have experienced, those desires, attachments and expectations cause most of our suffering.  I have seen and felt both sides and, now, have a strong preference for love, compassion and understanding.  Prayer, meditation and introspection have helped the transition.

Driven By Ego

I had an excellent example, today, of the way I used to be and a way I do not want to be anymore.  I was part of a meeting in which one person just wanted to make his position clear and to justify it.  He was not there to negotiate, compromise, listen to the other side or look at his part in the situation at hand.  Been there, done that.  I am reminded of something I hear in my recovery meetings, that “if I am not the problem, there is no solution”.  Personally, I stopped approaching any issues that way since when I did, nothing got accomplished and everyone involved felt lousy when it was over, though I had often made my point.  Fear and ego drive us to strange behaviors!

Searching & Finding

I had my wild time when I was quite a bit younger, a time of loud parties, outrageous behavior, drugs and alcohol.  The fact is, during those years I was desperately searching.  I was searching for a feeling of connection and a sense of self.  I have both of those in my life now, but in a very quiet way.  It is a way that appears to require a lot of discipline, no drugs or alcohol and is certainly not self-destructive.  I spend a great deal of my time attempting, with some success, to show my current way of life to others.  It also strikes me, daily or several times daily, how difficult it is to maintain this way of life in the face of a culture and social milieu that does not support it.

Unconditional Love

Yesterday morning, during my time with God, I accessed/allowed/received a strong feeling of pure unconditional love, a feeling that I have come to know as God, a feeling that words can only point toward.  It is a feeling similar to human love and the originator of that, but much stronger.  I have accessed that feeling before a few times and transmitted it to others, during healings for them.  I have known for a while that I contain a “seed” that is connected with God.  However, this is the first time that I have accessed that feeling, and been with it for myself, a game changer.  It seems a bit silly to say it this way, since I can only allow it and be with it, but it gives me something to shoot for.

Asking For Guidance

It’s a bit hard to describe, but I realized today that I don’t even get to the point of feeling “doubtful or agitated” before asking for help and guidance, I simply ask for guidance all day, especially in potentially difficult situations rather than encountering difficult situations, emotionally reacting to them and then asking for guidance.  As I have said before, I sometimes have no idea why I do what I do, but I have trust and faith that if I listen and act accordingly, that everything will work out well and it always does.  I am very clear that I am merely an actor for everyone’s benefit and that I am not in charge.  I just act “spontaneously” as Nisargadata Maharaj would say.  I think that starting out each day with a period of prayer and meditation, the way I do, is critical to this approach.

The Value of Conflicts & Fears

I was reminded today that my constant striving for additional growth, without any sort of “self-flagellation” or even moderate self-criticism, is a balance that I have only recently achieved.  The fact is that my humanness results in conflicts and doubts that make growth difficult.  I also find it best to embrace those conflicts and doubts as part of being human, a beautiful and rich experience (also transient and illusory!).  For example, I have made tremendous strides in overcoming parts of my disability, physically and emotionally.  I also know that the process is not done yet and that my blocks, in part, come from my own doubts and fears.

Being Open

It is just good to be alive and experience the love and connection that I am now open to.  The importance of love and connection has been talked about in several of my recovery meetings, recently, including the fact that forming a loving connection also means that it hurts when that connection is disrupted by death or simply moving on.  Personally, I even feel some sadness each time a meeting ends and the connection stops for a time.  I find joy and fulfillment in all of the various feelings involved, they are all aspects of love, different sides of the same coin.  I used to be like a human computer, closed off to the process.