Searching & Finding

I had my wild time when I was quite a bit younger, a time of loud parties, outrageous behavior, drugs and alcohol.  The fact is, during those years I was desperately searching.  I was searching for a feeling of connection and a sense of self.  I have both of those in my life now, but in a very quiet way.  It is a way that appears to require a lot of discipline, no drugs or alcohol and is certainly not self-destructive.  I spend a great deal of my time attempting, with some success, to show my current way of life to others.  It also strikes me, daily or several times daily, how difficult it is to maintain this way of life in the face of a culture and social milieu that does not support it.