Let It Pass

A very emotionally mixed day.  On the one hand I am proud and pleased about myself, my condition (physical, emotional, spiritual) and my circumstances (twenty-nine years clean & sober, living in a small house in the center of Flagstaff), and on the other hand I doubt everything (intelligence, recovery, self-worth), pleasant and unpleasant.  Using the Buddhist meditative techniques I have learned, I observe my thoughts and let them pass without grasping or pushing them away.  I find it surprising that I can feel such strong self-doubt in spite of ample evidence to the contrary, but then, feelings are not rational.

Being With God

I have been reflecting on the words of Hazrat Inayat when he commented that  “The whole life of the mystic is mapped on this principle... a voice from within that tells him ’go here,’ ‘go there,’ or ‘leave’... Therefore, while others are prepared to explain why they are doing something... the mystic cannot explain, because he himself does not know.  The one who knows little, knows most; and those who seem to know more, know the least.”  That “voice from within” (intuition?) is how I access the Source (God/love/Truth) that tells me what to do and not do, especially in regards to my dealings with others.  At this point in my life, I always do what that power tells me to do, but I often do not know why, though I do know that the action will increase the integrity of the universe.  It feels like walking with God all day, a strange way to live, but it works and that is why I do it.

Universal

Today, I was reading The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche, one of the most thorough discussions of spiritual experiences and knowledge that I have encountered, and enjoyable reading as well.  As often happens, I am struck by the fact that spiritual leaders, over the centuries and from a variety of disciplines all say the same things about love, detachment, connection, God, living, dying, afterlife, etc., this book being a good example.  They frequently use different words but the commonalities are quite pronounced.  Most of my contributions within this realm tend to be very quiet and limited to actions on a one-to-one or small group basis, and I am good with that.  In addition, and I am not sure why, I wish to add my voice to the long list of authors about spiritual matters.  Understanding is not required.

Cherishing Life and Death

Many years ago, I was in a workshop partially presented by Larry Dossey, and he posed the question “If you only had one month to live what would you say to whom.......and why are you waiting”.  I have always remembered that and, partly as a result, I attempt to cherish every moment of my life, as if I could die at any moment, which is in fact true.  I attempt to embrace all aspects of my life, including the unpleasant ones and I pay particular attention to the love and connection in my relationships, even the brief encounters.  I hope to have the same level of acceptance when I am dead and have passed through to the other side.  I have to admit to being wary of the transition, the process of dying, which is likely to be tumultuous.

Distractions

It seems clear that while we are in physical form and on earth, that it is important to find out as much as we can about living in harmony with everything and, possibly, about the power of love in our lives.  I frequently find myself asking the question “would this matter if I was on my deathbed” and the answer is usually “no”.  In my pursuit of living in harmony I note that there are numerous, very enjoyable and engaging distractions that I encounter daily.  Things like having a certain type of car, the latest technology or a high-paying, powerful job.  It is fun and harmless  to engage in the distractions but it is also important for me to realize that they are essentially meaningless, by themselves.

Connection

Recently, I have been very aware of the strength and depth of the connections I make, especially with my clients and other people I contact.  As far as I can tell my connection involves joining with the energy field (feelings not thoughts) they each project and using, what I call, deep listening, meaning listening beyond the surface language, and paying attention to their feelings as well.  In order to accomplish that connection, it is necessary to approach the interaction with love and compassion, having let go of ego, attachments, desires and judgments.  Thus, it is necessary for me to meditate and maintain a strong spiritual balance.

Difficult Times

A couple of my friends are having difficult times, a situation that used to bother me and make me angry, but no longer does, since I take a broader, more long-term view.  My present view began by taking a look at the difficult times in my own life and realizing that they were also the periods when I experienced the most growth.  I then read comments like those of deCastillejo: "Some course of action which seems so clearly to be leading to disaster may contain a twist of fate which lifts it to success.  That accident whose cause was so apparent may have had an inner meaning we cannot see.......We simply do not know.  Scientists discover and theologians affirm; but faced with the mystery of life and death we know almost nothing."  Gradually, I began to realize that there was always a benefit to difficult times.
My position on experiencing difficult times is also helped by the realization that the death of the physical body was not the big deal I thought it was.  I agree with the Dalai Lama when he said “I tend to think of death as being like changing your clothes when they are old and worn out, rather than as some final end.”

Awakening

I just finished reading the book The Center Of The Wheel by R. Hudson, a very enjoyable reading experience.  He, and a number of others who write and speak more charismatically than I do, express many of the “knowings” pointed out by mystics and spiritual leaders for centuries.  It is wonderful to watch and be a part of people “waking up” to ideas like oneness, connectedness, the power of love, the importance of detachment or simple awareness.  The process of emotional and spiritual growth (in some cases, returning to the view of a small child!), is a miraculous experience. Those ideas can change the way people relate to each other, other living things and this planet.

Honesty

I work with many people to help them change, sometimes as a mental health therapist, sometimes a friend or mentor.  I cannot make anyone change but I can point the direction by observing the life patterns that make them uncomfortable and suggesting alternative behaviors.  I strive to use a loving, long-term or even an eternal perspective and approach, avoiding ego, attachments and desires.  Using that perspective, it is apparent that, ultimately, all events lead to knowing/sensing one-ness and living within love.  Therefore, I am not willing to assign a “good” or “bad” label to any event.  Some events like suicide, cancer, drug use, falling in love or being of service to others are definitely either pleasant or unpleasant, but not good or bad, they simply are.  In order to respect the individual paths of the individuals whose lives I touch, I try to be honest and make suggestions.

Mind-Body Connection

The mind-body connection or the potential effect of the mind on the body is a very powerful tool that I can use in a positive or negative way.  A good example of this connection, which is generally known and accepted is usually called “the placebo effect” commonly seen during drug trials.  The placebo effect demonstrates that, within limits, the body can heal itself if the mind/brain believes it can.  I was diagnosed with cerebellar degeneration, a progressive and degenerative neurological disease back in 1988.  At that point, I was in very bad condition and was told that I would never improve and that I would continue to get worse, meaning that I would die, though that was not explicitly stated.  Rather than believe what I was told, I began to apply meditation, visualization and thoughts of healing and love to my situation.  As a result, I am now in better physical shape now than I was then, though I still have considerable physical challenges and continue to work on them.  I have also used the mind-body connection in similar ways numerous other times, with similar results.