Balance

With my recent move into a simple house that is quite a bit smaller and in town, my life has changed dramatically.  At present, my life is quite a bit simpler, with fewer distractions and more time, than it was a few months ago.  The change allows me to spend more time in quiet contemplation/solitude and I am also in the process of increasing my social/relationship/ connection time.  In addition, I have become more aware of the importance, for me, of distractions like the process of purchasing things or setting up my new home, things that have little or no meaning but are also entertaining.  With moving my balance has shifted, which requires that I pay attention.

Detachment

It has been very important for my spiritual growth and freedom to continually detach from my own attitudes and ideas.  Similarly the Christian mystics make much of the importance of detachment, and Buddhists frequently speak of the necessity of giving up our tendency to grasp on to things.  It has been relatively easy for me to detach from material things, but my attitudes and ideas require continued inspection and release.  Part of me would like to attempt to force reality to fit with my ideas and beliefs, rather than the other way around.  A good indication that this sort of thing is happening is a feeling of increased pain, confusion or stress.  Meditation and being willing to let things go help to sort out the problem.

Living Within Love/bliss

Having explored a great deal of self/mind/brain/culture/reality through meditation and reading, I now feel free and live, largely though not all the time, within a state of love or bliss.  It seems important for me to realize that, along with the meditation, pain, discomfort and threat of death have also led me to this point.  I have had a great deal of emotional support along the way, primarily from my wife.  I now know that love/bliss is my true, eternal nature and that my consciousness/awareness will continue after this body dies.  I also know that everyone on earth is growing toward that state of being.  Quite a Christmas present!

Let It Pass

A very emotionally mixed day.  On the one hand I am proud and pleased about myself, my condition (physical, emotional, spiritual) and my circumstances (twenty-nine years clean & sober, living in a small house in the center of Flagstaff), and on the other hand I doubt everything (intelligence, recovery, self-worth), pleasant and unpleasant.  Using the Buddhist meditative techniques I have learned, I observe my thoughts and let them pass without grasping or pushing them away.  I find it surprising that I can feel such strong self-doubt in spite of ample evidence to the contrary, but then, feelings are not rational.

Being With God

I have been reflecting on the words of Hazrat Inayat when he commented that  “The whole life of the mystic is mapped on this principle... a voice from within that tells him ’go here,’ ‘go there,’ or ‘leave’... Therefore, while others are prepared to explain why they are doing something... the mystic cannot explain, because he himself does not know.  The one who knows little, knows most; and those who seem to know more, know the least.”  That “voice from within” (intuition?) is how I access the Source (God/love/Truth) that tells me what to do and not do, especially in regards to my dealings with others.  At this point in my life, I always do what that power tells me to do, but I often do not know why, though I do know that the action will increase the integrity of the universe.  It feels like walking with God all day, a strange way to live, but it works and that is why I do it.

Universal

Today, I was reading The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche, one of the most thorough discussions of spiritual experiences and knowledge that I have encountered, and enjoyable reading as well.  As often happens, I am struck by the fact that spiritual leaders, over the centuries and from a variety of disciplines all say the same things about love, detachment, connection, God, living, dying, afterlife, etc., this book being a good example.  They frequently use different words but the commonalities are quite pronounced.  Most of my contributions within this realm tend to be very quiet and limited to actions on a one-to-one or small group basis, and I am good with that.  In addition, and I am not sure why, I wish to add my voice to the long list of authors about spiritual matters.  Understanding is not required.

Cherishing Life and Death

Many years ago, I was in a workshop partially presented by Larry Dossey, and he posed the question “If you only had one month to live what would you say to whom.......and why are you waiting”.  I have always remembered that and, partly as a result, I attempt to cherish every moment of my life, as if I could die at any moment, which is in fact true.  I attempt to embrace all aspects of my life, including the unpleasant ones and I pay particular attention to the love and connection in my relationships, even the brief encounters.  I hope to have the same level of acceptance when I am dead and have passed through to the other side.  I have to admit to being wary of the transition, the process of dying, which is likely to be tumultuous.

Distractions

It seems clear that while we are in physical form and on earth, that it is important to find out as much as we can about living in harmony with everything and, possibly, about the power of love in our lives.  I frequently find myself asking the question “would this matter if I was on my deathbed” and the answer is usually “no”.  In my pursuit of living in harmony I note that there are numerous, very enjoyable and engaging distractions that I encounter daily.  Things like having a certain type of car, the latest technology or a high-paying, powerful job.  It is fun and harmless  to engage in the distractions but it is also important for me to realize that they are essentially meaningless, by themselves.

Connection

Recently, I have been very aware of the strength and depth of the connections I make, especially with my clients and other people I contact.  As far as I can tell my connection involves joining with the energy field (feelings not thoughts) they each project and using, what I call, deep listening, meaning listening beyond the surface language, and paying attention to their feelings as well.  In order to accomplish that connection, it is necessary to approach the interaction with love and compassion, having let go of ego, attachments, desires and judgments.  Thus, it is necessary for me to meditate and maintain a strong spiritual balance.

Difficult Times

A couple of my friends are having difficult times, a situation that used to bother me and make me angry, but no longer does, since I take a broader, more long-term view.  My present view began by taking a look at the difficult times in my own life and realizing that they were also the periods when I experienced the most growth.  I then read comments like those of deCastillejo: "Some course of action which seems so clearly to be leading to disaster may contain a twist of fate which lifts it to success.  That accident whose cause was so apparent may have had an inner meaning we cannot see.......We simply do not know.  Scientists discover and theologians affirm; but faced with the mystery of life and death we know almost nothing."  Gradually, I began to realize that there was always a benefit to difficult times.
My position on experiencing difficult times is also helped by the realization that the death of the physical body was not the big deal I thought it was.  I agree with the Dalai Lama when he said “I tend to think of death as being like changing your clothes when they are old and worn out, rather than as some final end.”