Buddha Nature

All around me I see clear evidence of the Christlike, loving, Buddha nature present in each one of us.  Publically, it is most apparent in people’s response after some sort of disaster strikes and more privately it is quite apparent daily within the recovery meetings I attend or just generally in response to a person or animal in need.  Personally, I have experienced both my selfish, self-centered side and the Christlike, loving, Buddha nature side, which is also much more enjoyable, feels stronger and truer.  The Christlike, loving, Buddha nature side is sometimes seen as weak, which it is not.  The strength within that side is long lasting and far reaching, as opposed to the temporal strength of self-centered actions.

Fears

My left brain, the masculine, logical, cause-and-effect part of me, is largely fear based and very compelling, if I give it free reign.  I also realize that part of most people operates the same way.  For example, I can readily start thinking about something like having cancer, losing my job, saying the wrong thing, my girlfriend leaving me or my best friend not liking me and, if I let them, the thoughts just take over and become an obsession, the fears seem real.  My best defense, and what I now do most of the time, is to cut off the thoughts as being just silly vapor right at the beginning rather than feeding into them.  I generally try to switch to my love-based part that knows “the universe is unfolding as it should” and that everything will be just fine.
Of course, the simple truth is that occasionally those fears are accurate.  Life is life and it is what it is.  I did, in fact, become disabled and I do have a speech impediment.  The fact is that having those fears is not in the least preventive and having them actually impedes a functional response.

Buddha Nature

It is quite apparent to me that, as various spiritual leaders have pointed out, all persons have within them the Christlike, loving, Buddha nature as well as the self-centered and destruc-tive side.  Personally, I have ample experience with each and now choose to act out of my loving side.  In my experience, the part/side that gets expressed depends on which side is supported and encouraged, individually and by the culture as a whole.  I am now part of the recovery community, which supports my loving side.  Unfortunately, in many ways, functioning and surviving within the high-speed, competitive, individualistic, capitalist structure often supports the self-centered side of people, leading to the antics that various comedians make fun of, especially this time of year.

Spiritual Paths

I have been asked repeatedly if I thought a certain discipline (Christianity, Taoism, Buddhism, etc.) was a good spiritual path to follow, whether following that path would lead to a firm and thorough spiritual connection.  My position is that, to a large extent, it does not matter what name you use, all paths have the potential of leading to the same thing, often using different words.  The path I have chosen has no formal name, since I always encountered some degree of judgment, criticism, and confinement when I chose to follow an established discipline, attitudes which do not fit within an open spiritual quest.  With those cautions in mind, I agree with Kornfield when he commented that “If we do a little of one kind of practice and a little of another, the work we have done in one often doesn't continue to build as we change to the next. It is as if we were to dig many shallow wells instead of one deep one."  Meaning, it is important to stick with one path and to follow that path “deeply”.

Balance

With my recent move into a simple house that is quite a bit smaller and in town, my life has changed dramatically.  At present, my life is quite a bit simpler, with fewer distractions and more time, than it was a few months ago.  The change allows me to spend more time in quiet contemplation/solitude and I am also in the process of increasing my social/relationship/ connection time.  In addition, I have become more aware of the importance, for me, of distractions like the process of purchasing things or setting up my new home, things that have little or no meaning but are also entertaining.  With moving my balance has shifted, which requires that I pay attention.

Detachment

It has been very important for my spiritual growth and freedom to continually detach from my own attitudes and ideas.  Similarly the Christian mystics make much of the importance of detachment, and Buddhists frequently speak of the necessity of giving up our tendency to grasp on to things.  It has been relatively easy for me to detach from material things, but my attitudes and ideas require continued inspection and release.  Part of me would like to attempt to force reality to fit with my ideas and beliefs, rather than the other way around.  A good indication that this sort of thing is happening is a feeling of increased pain, confusion or stress.  Meditation and being willing to let things go help to sort out the problem.

Living Within Love/bliss

Having explored a great deal of self/mind/brain/culture/reality through meditation and reading, I now feel free and live, largely though not all the time, within a state of love or bliss.  It seems important for me to realize that, along with the meditation, pain, discomfort and threat of death have also led me to this point.  I have had a great deal of emotional support along the way, primarily from my wife.  I now know that love/bliss is my true, eternal nature and that my consciousness/awareness will continue after this body dies.  I also know that everyone on earth is growing toward that state of being.  Quite a Christmas present!

Let It Pass

A very emotionally mixed day.  On the one hand I am proud and pleased about myself, my condition (physical, emotional, spiritual) and my circumstances (twenty-nine years clean & sober, living in a small house in the center of Flagstaff), and on the other hand I doubt everything (intelligence, recovery, self-worth), pleasant and unpleasant.  Using the Buddhist meditative techniques I have learned, I observe my thoughts and let them pass without grasping or pushing them away.  I find it surprising that I can feel such strong self-doubt in spite of ample evidence to the contrary, but then, feelings are not rational.

Being With God

I have been reflecting on the words of Hazrat Inayat when he commented that  “The whole life of the mystic is mapped on this principle... a voice from within that tells him ’go here,’ ‘go there,’ or ‘leave’... Therefore, while others are prepared to explain why they are doing something... the mystic cannot explain, because he himself does not know.  The one who knows little, knows most; and those who seem to know more, know the least.”  That “voice from within” (intuition?) is how I access the Source (God/love/Truth) that tells me what to do and not do, especially in regards to my dealings with others.  At this point in my life, I always do what that power tells me to do, but I often do not know why, though I do know that the action will increase the integrity of the universe.  It feels like walking with God all day, a strange way to live, but it works and that is why I do it.

Universal

Today, I was reading The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche, one of the most thorough discussions of spiritual experiences and knowledge that I have encountered, and enjoyable reading as well.  As often happens, I am struck by the fact that spiritual leaders, over the centuries and from a variety of disciplines all say the same things about love, detachment, connection, God, living, dying, afterlife, etc., this book being a good example.  They frequently use different words but the commonalities are quite pronounced.  Most of my contributions within this realm tend to be very quiet and limited to actions on a one-to-one or small group basis, and I am good with that.  In addition, and I am not sure why, I wish to add my voice to the long list of authors about spiritual matters.  Understanding is not required.