Humility

The topic in my recovery meeting today was “humility”, something which, historically, I have had a lot of trouble achieving, but do well with now.  In the past, I tended to go back and forth between arrogance and self-loathing/criticism, neither being humility.  At present, I ask for support and guidance every morning and then do what I can during the day, generally conducting myself with love and compassion.  My present approach feels much more balanced.  In making the transition between past and present attitudes, I did not struggle or fight with myself, which would tend to make what I was trying to overcome stronger.  Rather, I chose not to act on the arrogance or self-loathing and, at the same time allowed the love and compassion to filter in.

Spiritual Blessing

I am approaching the anniversary date of the beginning of my recovery path and, as always happens, I have been reflecting on the change/growth process of the last twenty-nine years.  During that time, I have experienced numerous miraculous events, such as being jerked out of space/time to prevent a suicide or spending an afternoon communicating deeply with my father who had advanced Alzheimer’s and could not even form a cogent sentence.  I have also experienced extreme pain, suffering and numerous significant physical challenges.  All in all, it has been quite a mixture of pleasant and unpleasant events.  It is important for me to realize that the events have all been spiritual blessings that helped guide me and form the person I am today.

Love Versus Fear

I went to another movie today in which the major theme was the power of fear over one’s life attitudes and actions versus the power of love.  It is nice to note that the awareness of this dichotomy and choice seems to be increasing.  My awareness has certainly increased dramatically over time, as has my ability to make loving choices rather than reacting to and being trapped by fear.  I did not realize that many of my activities like driving myself towards “perfection”, acquisitiveness or self-criticism actually fed into my fears and made them worse, especially since owning more things and constantly striving were supposed to make me feel better.  Now, I much prefer the loving approach of being at peace, doing my best and enjoying life, not to mention the physical healing and well being that result.

Pass It On

A little over twenty-nine years ago I met a man who openly disclosed his past use of drugs and alcohol and who was willing to listen to me while I described what was going on in my own life, something I had never done before.  At that time, I decided there must have been something seriously wrong with him, otherwise he would not be willing to listen to me.  He urged me to stop drinking and get into some sort of recovery program.  Now, I am preparing to celebrate twenty-nine years of being drug and alcohol free next week.  Today I met with several young men who are early in their own recovery and, in turn, urged them to continue.  The wheel keeps turning.  To me, this is a very good illustration of the power of love and connection.

The Value Of Forgetting

I gather that many people, like myself in the past, do not fully grasp the value and wonder of being human, including experiencing all of our drama, antics, pain and suffering.  It is only by forgetting who we really are and then participating in all of the various experiences of life, that we can truly appreciate the value of oneness and love.  It is only by experiencing and truly believing in separateness that we can appreciate being connected to all of life.  For some reason, that I do not fully understand, I have been granted the ability to see and feel beyond the illusion of separateness to the reality beyond.

The Power Of Pure Love

Having experienced the love of God or the power of pure love, through meditation and near death experience, there is absolutely no question or hesitation about the willingness and desire to “pass it on”.  Passing it on is simply something I will do, regardless of the outcome.  It’s a bit hard to explain, but my desire and willingness goes beyond any thoughts of duty or wanting to “save the world”, to something like a pre-ordained fact of my existence.  I also have no desire to be the least bit pushy or proselytizing about it.  I will demonstrate it, live it and talk about it when asked.

Limits

Either consciously or subconsciously, I continually try to put limits on my own abilities and other aspects of my life.  The most obvious limits are my own abilities as far as physical healing, the use of the mind-body connection and the power of love/God in my life.  Originally, being a highly trained scientist, I did not believe or use things like the mind-body connection at all, thus limiting myself.  I have now gone well beyond those limits, and help others to do so as well.  Primarily using meditation, I keep exploring the limits I now impose on myself and try to go beyond them.  In most instances, I do not know what those limits are, I just know they are there.

Buddha Nature

All around me I see clear evidence of the Christlike, loving, Buddha nature present in each one of us.  Publically, it is most apparent in people’s response after some sort of disaster strikes and more privately it is quite apparent daily within the recovery meetings I attend or just generally in response to a person or animal in need.  Personally, I have experienced both my selfish, self-centered side and the Christlike, loving, Buddha nature side, which is also much more enjoyable, feels stronger and truer.  The Christlike, loving, Buddha nature side is sometimes seen as weak, which it is not.  The strength within that side is long lasting and far reaching, as opposed to the temporal strength of self-centered actions.

Fears

My left brain, the masculine, logical, cause-and-effect part of me, is largely fear based and very compelling, if I give it free reign.  I also realize that part of most people operates the same way.  For example, I can readily start thinking about something like having cancer, losing my job, saying the wrong thing, my girlfriend leaving me or my best friend not liking me and, if I let them, the thoughts just take over and become an obsession, the fears seem real.  My best defense, and what I now do most of the time, is to cut off the thoughts as being just silly vapor right at the beginning rather than feeding into them.  I generally try to switch to my love-based part that knows “the universe is unfolding as it should” and that everything will be just fine.
Of course, the simple truth is that occasionally those fears are accurate.  Life is life and it is what it is.  I did, in fact, become disabled and I do have a speech impediment.  The fact is that having those fears is not in the least preventive and having them actually impedes a functional response.

Buddha Nature

It is quite apparent to me that, as various spiritual leaders have pointed out, all persons have within them the Christlike, loving, Buddha nature as well as the self-centered and destruc-tive side.  Personally, I have ample experience with each and now choose to act out of my loving side.  In my experience, the part/side that gets expressed depends on which side is supported and encouraged, individually and by the culture as a whole.  I am now part of the recovery community, which supports my loving side.  Unfortunately, in many ways, functioning and surviving within the high-speed, competitive, individualistic, capitalist structure often supports the self-centered side of people, leading to the antics that various comedians make fun of, especially this time of year.