Being Right Sized

When I looked up “humility” in the dictionary, the definition that stood out to me was “the lack of pretense”, meaning being right sized with no pretending to be something I am not.  I now work at being right sized, since that seems to work best for myself and those around me.  I am certainly capable of being overly confident or even arrogant, on one extreme, or self-deprecating on the other extreme.  Either extreme reduces my functionality in the world.  I am frequently reminded of the words in the song by Joan Baez that “I’m less than the song I am singing and more than I thought I could be”.  I am clearly less than the power of love, but my capabilities and influence are greater than I thought.

Spiritual Growth

One of the books I am currently reading, The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche, makes a big deal out of the importance of having a devotional relationship with some sort of teacher/master/enlightened being/saint/guru, if one is to achieve any sort of advanced spiritual condition.  I have encountered much the same belief in my investigations of other spiritual and religious traditions.  This belief has bothered me some since I have no current earthly teacher or master who is the object of my devotion.  I do receive very clear and precise support and guidance from the Source that I call God, and my devotion to that Source is total.  My teacher/master/enlightened being/saint/guru does not merely represent the Source, for some reason that I do not understand he/she/it is the Source.  That fact scares me and fills me with awe and gratitude.

White Crows

My tendency, what I have learned, is to pay close attention to the exceptions, since the exceptions frequently provide keys to learning.  As a scientist, I was trained to pay closest attention to the central part of the bell curve, the average or normal, an approach that I certainly understand.  However, in order to become aware of human potential, I am better off looking at the exceptions, the mystics, shamans, spiritual leaders, healers, etc.  More recently, I attended a workshop about people doing well and living with AIDS using attitudinal healing techniques, certainly not the norm, but very illustrative of the power of love and human potential. A question that I learned at that workshop is “How many white crows do you have to see before you know that all crows are not black”.  White crows are the exception to the norm, but they show human potential.  I strive to be a white crow.

A Simple Choice

This morning, I celebrated twenty-nine years of being clean and sober by telling parts of my story at a recovery meeting.  During that meeting, it was pointed out, and it was quite apparent that acts of love and kindness had a cascading effect, meaning that a single act on my part resulted in more than one act of love by the recipient and those acts led to more, etc.  That was nice to hear about, and be a part of.  It feels good to be a channel for that energy (it is clear to me that I am not the source).  Of course, the same cascading effect would be true for acts of anger and aggression, a simple choice.

Devotion

Tomorrow I will have been on the recovery path for twenty-nine years. My main focus during that time, in addition to the foundation of staying clean and sober, has been increasing my connection with God, or whatever you wish to call that power/force.  I have systematically removed the many impediments to that connection, beginning with drugs and alcohol.  That removal process has included various other chemicals like caffeine and nicotine, distractions like T.V. , needless material possessions, and my some of my own attitudes and ideas like arrogance and intellectualism.  Having removed the impediments I am aware of, I have then made extensive use of listening through contemplation and meditation.  My devotion is total and, all in all, this system has worked very well for me.

Imagine

We live in a world of duality. We understand pleasant because there is unpleasant, night because of day, etc. It is hard to understand, but in the absolute or God place there is no dichotomy of anything, no different sexes, separateness, race or social standing. There are souls of all things and there is the source. These souls are entities in themselves, part of the source and part of each other, all at the same time. There is no individuality, as we know it since there is no separateness. There is no forgiveness since there is nothing to forgive. All are a part of an intense feeling of love and connection to all. There are differences in souls, depending on their stages of growth. There is total perfection at the same time. There is no contradiction in this situation. Things just are, as in the song “Imagine” by John Lennon.
The absolute or God place is part of each of us and we can sense it’s presence through the practice of meditation.  I go there every morning, during meditation and generally carry that knowing with me during the day.

Humility

The topic in my recovery meeting today was “humility”, something which, historically, I have had a lot of trouble achieving, but do well with now.  In the past, I tended to go back and forth between arrogance and self-loathing/criticism, neither being humility.  At present, I ask for support and guidance every morning and then do what I can during the day, generally conducting myself with love and compassion.  My present approach feels much more balanced.  In making the transition between past and present attitudes, I did not struggle or fight with myself, which would tend to make what I was trying to overcome stronger.  Rather, I chose not to act on the arrogance or self-loathing and, at the same time allowed the love and compassion to filter in.

Spiritual Blessing

I am approaching the anniversary date of the beginning of my recovery path and, as always happens, I have been reflecting on the change/growth process of the last twenty-nine years.  During that time, I have experienced numerous miraculous events, such as being jerked out of space/time to prevent a suicide or spending an afternoon communicating deeply with my father who had advanced Alzheimer’s and could not even form a cogent sentence.  I have also experienced extreme pain, suffering and numerous significant physical challenges.  All in all, it has been quite a mixture of pleasant and unpleasant events.  It is important for me to realize that the events have all been spiritual blessings that helped guide me and form the person I am today.

Love Versus Fear

I went to another movie today in which the major theme was the power of fear over one’s life attitudes and actions versus the power of love.  It is nice to note that the awareness of this dichotomy and choice seems to be increasing.  My awareness has certainly increased dramatically over time, as has my ability to make loving choices rather than reacting to and being trapped by fear.  I did not realize that many of my activities like driving myself towards “perfection”, acquisitiveness or self-criticism actually fed into my fears and made them worse, especially since owning more things and constantly striving were supposed to make me feel better.  Now, I much prefer the loving approach of being at peace, doing my best and enjoying life, not to mention the physical healing and well being that result.

Pass It On

A little over twenty-nine years ago I met a man who openly disclosed his past use of drugs and alcohol and who was willing to listen to me while I described what was going on in my own life, something I had never done before.  At that time, I decided there must have been something seriously wrong with him, otherwise he would not be willing to listen to me.  He urged me to stop drinking and get into some sort of recovery program.  Now, I am preparing to celebrate twenty-nine years of being drug and alcohol free next week.  Today I met with several young men who are early in their own recovery and, in turn, urged them to continue.  The wheel keeps turning.  To me, this is a very good illustration of the power of love and connection.