The Power Of Love

I spent the morning attending and participating in staff meetings at the place I work, as assistant clinical director, then the afternoon preparing meals for eating and freezing.  Both were activities that conventional wisdom predicted that I could not do.  I have had several people refer to me as an inspiration or their hero and this evening my wife said I was amazing.  The fact is that daily, weekly, monthly and yearly I am accustomed to reaching beyond my own capabilities.  I am able to do these things because of my alliance with the power/force that I call God or love.  It is useful for me to realize that I have also spent a good part of my life pursuing other, material, types of power, being self-destructive and inspiring no-one, so I know both sides, intimately.

Delusions

As I said yesterday, I was struggling for a while.  It struck me today that within a couple of hours, I saw the event as trivial, took responsibility for my part and did not create any new karma with an angry emotional outburst.  Later that evening, I began to smile and laugh about the incident.  All-in-all, that was a pretty good turn around time.
The topic in the recovery meeting I went to today was “delusions”.  I did not get called on but began reflecting on my own brain’s tendency to grasp on to various delusions, rather than simply see reality.  For example, the notion that “living right” or being of service would somehow protect me from the difficulties of being disabled and getting older, when in reality I know nothing about my future.  I find it better to attempt to look beyond the delusions, smile at my brain’s tendency and focus on the wonder of being alive, today.  If I do that, I realize that I have a wonderful life, stay in the present and enjoy it as it comes.

Struggling

I was struggling emotionally this afternoon and evening, after a mostly quiet and neutral day of paperwork, paying bills and exercise.  What happened is that I went to an office supply store to purchase a new shredder.  I had to go through a fairly lengthy period of explanation to several clerks, made quite a bit more difficult by my speech impediment.  They did not have the model I wanted in stock, so I went through the ordering procedure.  I then tried to pay and found out that they would not accept my check, so I said “fine” and left the store,  rather than use my credit card, which I had previously decided not to use.  I went to another store and purchased a shredder.
A short time later, I went to a recovery meeting and interacted with several friends only to fiend out that I could not really connect with or listen to them since I was preoccupied with the rather trivial events I had just been through.  I apologized for my preoccupation and put it aside. The events clearly illustrated to me how compelling (and useless!) the mind-chatter is.

Acceptance

Today was a day of exercise, solitude, meditation and self-care, very nice.  I started out the day feeling a bit drained and worn down after several days of connecting and being a conduit of love, empathy, understanding and compassion.  By the end of the day, I felt physically tired, from the exercise but emotionally and spiritually refreshed, from the other activities.
One of the highlights of the day was going into a wooded area, near our home, to be with the trees and woods in order to allow their vibrance to cleanse me.  When I left the car, I noted the skeletal backbone of a medium sized mammal that someone had placed in the branches of a nearby tree and, at the same time, felt called to sit and meditate in a nearby rocky area.  When we approached the rocky area my wife and I encountered the skeletal remains of an elk.  I then sat to meditate nearby.  My impression was of the “matter of fact”, “life and death” nature of life.  The suggestion was to accept it, be with it and let it flow through me.

Vibrance

A few years ago, as a result of my awakening process, I began to both see and feel the intense vibrance of the plants, animals and environment around me, quite an experience.  My increased ability to sense things seems to be part of connecting with them and is especially pronounced with other humans.  It is tempting to say that I am sensing the pulsing life force, but I can also sense it with rocks, mountains and deserts, things that are generally considered to be inanimate.  With things like rocks the vibrance is just different, slower, quiet and more solid.  My changing sense has certainly changed my relationship with trees and makes dawn on the desert a very intense experience.

Causes Not Symptoms

I work with a large number of recovering addicts and alcoholics by helping them with the underlying causes of their turning to addictive use, rather than approaching their addictive use directly, which, to me, would be addressing the symptom, not the cause.  In addition to addressing drug and alcohol use directly, I work with the recovering addict on things like individuation, love and/or social and spiritual connection .  This approach helps them to lead a happy life, stay away from drugs, and is relatively successful.  On the other hand, the “war on drugs” approaches primarily the symptoms and is relatively unsuccessful.

Balance

The conscious mind, as spiritual leaders describe it, is wonderful, but limited and often fear based.  The mind can design computers, judge right and wrong, perform job functions, tell us to brush our teeth, perform scientific studies, provide us with an endless source of entertain-ment, remember the alphabet and tell us to keep our hand off of a hot stove. In short it can tell us how to get along in the physical world.  The conscious mind is also often fear based, so it is important for me to balance it with the absolute, which is love based.  If I balance them, I can be aware that the fears are often totally illusory and due to very transient attachments.
The absolute is also wonderful, it can show us that things like growth, compassion and love have eternal/universal significance and that many other things are important only in that they teach us about things like compassion, love and understanding. Otherwise, as many people have pointed out, things in the created order have little meaning. Existence in the absolute is a meaningful way to spend an eternity with occasional periods of being in physical form. Mystics and many healers get to experience the absolute directly.

Being Right Sized

When I looked up “humility” in the dictionary, the definition that stood out to me was “the lack of pretense”, meaning being right sized with no pretending to be something I am not.  I now work at being right sized, since that seems to work best for myself and those around me.  I am certainly capable of being overly confident or even arrogant, on one extreme, or self-deprecating on the other extreme.  Either extreme reduces my functionality in the world.  I am frequently reminded of the words in the song by Joan Baez that “I’m less than the song I am singing and more than I thought I could be”.  I am clearly less than the power of love, but my capabilities and influence are greater than I thought.

Spiritual Growth

One of the books I am currently reading, The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche, makes a big deal out of the importance of having a devotional relationship with some sort of teacher/master/enlightened being/saint/guru, if one is to achieve any sort of advanced spiritual condition.  I have encountered much the same belief in my investigations of other spiritual and religious traditions.  This belief has bothered me some since I have no current earthly teacher or master who is the object of my devotion.  I do receive very clear and precise support and guidance from the Source that I call God, and my devotion to that Source is total.  My teacher/master/enlightened being/saint/guru does not merely represent the Source, for some reason that I do not understand he/she/it is the Source.  That fact scares me and fills me with awe and gratitude.

White Crows

My tendency, what I have learned, is to pay close attention to the exceptions, since the exceptions frequently provide keys to learning.  As a scientist, I was trained to pay closest attention to the central part of the bell curve, the average or normal, an approach that I certainly understand.  However, in order to become aware of human potential, I am better off looking at the exceptions, the mystics, shamans, spiritual leaders, healers, etc.  More recently, I attended a workshop about people doing well and living with AIDS using attitudinal healing techniques, certainly not the norm, but very illustrative of the power of love and human potential. A question that I learned at that workshop is “How many white crows do you have to see before you know that all crows are not black”.  White crows are the exception to the norm, but they show human potential.  I strive to be a white crow.