In The World But Not Of It

In the morning, when I meditate/contemplate, through a process of noting and letting go of day to day thoughts and feelings, I finally arrive at the sense of “I am” a part of me which is connected to the Absolute, which I identify with God.  The Absolute, a place of total love and well being with none of its opposites, seems very solid, real and eternal, as opposed to the transient thoughts and feelings of my day to day existence.  If I continue to keep my focus on the reality of “I am”, I can carry out my daily activities, including unpleasant encounters and difficulties, with love, compassion and understanding.  My approach allows me to be “in the world but not of it”.

Finding The Absolute

The other day, during my reading, I encountered another past mystic and spiritual leader who had also encountered the Absolute, a place of total love and well being with none of the opposites, during his contemplation/meditation.  He even used the same words to describe it as I did and sensed its realness as well. When I first encountered/sensed the Absolute, I was not aware that many others had experienced it before me.  I felt quite pleased and validated that they had.  I have, since then, realized that I could only fully appreciate the feeling of the Absolute because of my memory of a primarily loveless childhood.  As I have said many times “what better way to feel the importance of love, than through the total absence of it?”

Spiritual Path

It is remarkable to me how easy it is for me to be pulled off of what I consider to be a spiritual path, meaning living in the present, feeling connected to everything and focusing on love and compassion.  A moment of TV or considering money or material possessions is enough to draw me into a world of fantasy, future and past.  Distractions are very compelling!  Today was a very fine example of first being pulled off and then doing something to bring me back to spiritual fitness.  I spent a good part of the morning preparing tax information and then a large part of the afternoon hiking with Maria and communing with nature.

Awakening

I have been reflecting a lot on the emotional “waking up” process that I went through and, subsequently have witnessed and/or assisted in others.  Prior to my recovery process, I had no idea that many of my actions were driven by feelings from events that occurred during my formative yeas of one to ten.  For example, when in my early twenties and after being a rebellious teen, I decided to start doing things “right” so I began to do well in school, follow intellectual pursuits and generally do all of the activities that other people approved of, especially my parents.  The results were doing very well in school, a Ph.D., a highly responsible job, anger, depression and a feeling of “is this all there is?”.  I was not happy and had no clue why since I had done everything “right” according to what I had learned, a position I have now witnessed in many others.
During my recovery, I have been exploring and getting to know my spiritual and emotional sides.  As a result, I am no longer angry or depressed and I feel balanced.  I have discovered many riches there!

Balance

In most developed or developing nations, there is a clear cultural and educational bias in favor of material and intellectual development over the emotional and spiritual.  In my case and many of the people I work with, this imbalance has contributed to serious problems, such as depression, self-destructive behaviors, rage and various addictions.  Typically, as in my case, people do not try to correct their imbalance until their life conditions get pretty bad, some sort of internal and/or external crises.  Unfortunately (?), I had to go through some pretty unpleasant times before “waking up”.  I will continue to do all I can to help others “wake up” without their going through similarly difficult times.

Prayer & Meditation

It is now a bit before 2:30 A.M., part of the time each day that I devote to prayer, meditation and being with that power/force that I call God.  For some reason, it is this period each day that I am closest to God and make my strongest connection.  During this time, I frequently get instructions on how to conduct myself during the coming day and, occasionally, I am even told what will happen during the interactions that will take place, if that is important for me to know.  I also receive a great deal of physical, emotional and spiritual support during this period.  I begin this devotional period every day by acknowledging, internally, that I cannot do the things I do each day without the support and guidance I get during this time.  My being alive, quite literally, depends on this time each day and my connection with that power/force I call God.
When I was working full time, my period of prayer and meditation began at 5:00 A.M. and went until 6:00.  After I partially retired my starting time gradually shifted to 4:00, then 3:00 and now 1:30 to 2:00.  I never set an alarm and have tried, unsuccessfully, several times to sleep beyond that time.  I, now, just accept it, and know that even if I get little sleep, it will be just fine and I will be taken care of..

Symptoms

The book Alcoholics Anonymous speaks of the pathological use of alcohol as being “a symptom”, which I have also found to be true with both alcohol and drugs in the years of my own recovery and,additionally, having assisted numerous other alcoholics and addicts.  I don’t mean that underlying issues are the cause of addictive tendencies, which seem to be physiological, but that pathological use is generally, in part, a method of coping with those issues.  The A.A. program emphasizes a spiritual solution and, I also emphasize things like love, individuation and connection, ideas that could certainly benefit from more education and cultural support.  These approaches address the causes of pathological use.  Criminalization or the use of legal chemicals like methadone attempt to address only the symptoms, and do not appear to work very well.

Life

Maria and I met at the bank today in order to arrange my business accounts in such a way that she will have easy access in the event that I take a downturn in health.  While there, I noticed that the young man (perhaps 37) who was assisting us seemed to be a bit restless.  He talked of buying and selling various fast cars and properties as well as some frustrations over the weather and sports teams, all pretty normal conversation.  I also know of several older individuals who do same sorts of things and talk similarly.  The reason I took note of this, is that I do not say or do similar things and I feel at peace with conditions the way they are.  I readily acknowledge that my life is different than what I would call ideal, there are numerous challenges but it is also wonderful and it is what it is.

Living One Day At A Time

Today I am in a strange position in all aspects (intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and physically) of my life.  On the one hand, I am aware that I know and can do many things, a great deal more than I thought I was capable of.  On the other hand, today I am acutely aware of how little I know or can accomplish, when faced with the reality of what actually exists, in the various aspects of life.  I realize that I know and understand only a little.  I think it best to continue living one day at a time, stay in the present, do my best and to continue acting out of love and faith.

Labels

I could apply any of various labels to myself (alcoholic, scientist, enlightened, mystic, etc.) and they all describe certain aspects of me.  For example, describing myself as an alcoholic, which I do on occasions, says that my body reacts in a particular way when it encounters alcohol or referring to myself as enlightened would indicate that I experience delight in the human condition and realize my relation to eternity.  The draw-back to using any of these labels, and the reason I tend not to use them, is that they tend to also indicate that I am done, having reached some sort of goal or endpoint.  The only label that I am comfortable with is “I am Charlie”.  I don’t think I am done, in fact I have just begun.