Love Versus Fear

I learned many attitudes and techniques during my formative years which protected me then, and hold me back now, if I listen to them.  Things like low self-worth, the danger to self of facing up to anger, the importance of appearance over substance, the necessity of using intellect over feelings or the danger of feeling and openly expressing emotions.  In my case, recently, those attitudes and techniques seemed very compelling, almost necessary, but also imprisoned me.  I recall, vividly, the first time I bought a used P.C. for myself.  The action actually made me nauseous since part of me said “you are not worth it” or “this is dangerous” and another part knew it was a good thing to do.  I went through similar conflicts when I first stood up to anger or began to trust my feelings or intuition.  Acting out of love, rather than fear is one of those “dangerous” behaviors that I choose today.

Harmony

I strive for harmony with “all that is”,asking for support and guidance repeatedly during the day.  During my daily meditation, I am very clear that I cannot do what I do alone and I have faith that I will get the assistance that I need.  My jobs are to get my ego out of the way, listen and do what I am told.  As a result of this practice, I do get the help I need and never feel alone.  During my day, I generally interact directly with several people, clients and others.  Typically, I also do many things which, indirectly, impact other people or future events.  Frequently I do not know why I am doing or saying what I do, other than it feels right and I figure I will know and understand eventually.  I realize that I am merely a willing participant in life and not in charge of outcomes.  This is a strange and very enjoyable way to live.

Forgiveness

Within my healing journey, I needed to forgive two main people.  One of those people was myself for being self-destructive, hurting many others, turning away from God and being angry.  The second main person was my father for having beaten me and, in general, exposing me to his anger and rage as I was growing.  I went through many complex feelings and realizations on my journey to forgiveness, and finally letting go of these anchors that were holding me back,
arriving at acceptance and forgiveness.  I then began to receive many gifts from God, one of which was going to visit my father, shortly before he died.  During that visit, he had advanced Alzheimer’s so did not know who I was and could not speak, cogently, we had long, deep communications and there was none of the past for either of us.  We were both transported through love, quite amazing.  Because of that visit, the gifts I received and my own meditation, I realized that within the love of the Absolute, the God place, there was nothing to forgive, only the love of the absolute.

Spring

I certainly realize that in human terms it is still February and the middle of winter, but the plants and animals are demonstrating behaviors that I associate with spring.  When I connect with the plants and animals, I can feel their vibrancy.  The plants are quietly exhibiting waking up to the presence of a period of new growth.  The birds are more active, chasing each other around, in their bright spring plumage and singing their spring songs.  Personally, I consider this time of year to be very enjoyable, full of the promise of things to come.
Additionally, I notice, that though it has been a very dry winter in Flagstaff, so far,  rather than fretting about the dryness, the plants and animals just accept the reality and continue with life, a good model for me to follow.

Our Energy Field

A couple of days ago I was talking with someone about the existence and uses of the energy fields around each of us and that connects us to each other.  My comment to her was that “I use it daily!”, which is quite true.  The two main ways that I use it are to further my connecting /interacting with clients and doing physical healing work.  I know of no large formal studies which definitively show either the existence or uses of such a field, which, personally, does not disturb me since there are numerous smaller or anecdotal studies and people have been using the field for thousands of years.  I suspect that the western “scientific” approach will catch on, eventually.

Connection

Since I now know that I am truly connected to everything and everybody, being respectful of everything on earth has become very important to me.  I make an effort to be of service to my fellow humans while adopting a “do as little harm as possible to my environment”, being mindful of my impact on the earth.  I feel a strong love for everything and everybody since we are all part of each other and part of God.  I would certainly like to see more love and respect in the world, rather than the emphasis current emphasis on individuality, competition and capitalist ideals.  To that end, I can “be the change” I would like to see in the world.

Being Of Service

A while back, shortly after our move into town, I joked to a friend that by moving into a small, plane, normal house in town, I could “make believe that I was mainstream”.  The fact is that by making such a move, I am more accessible to be of service to others.  I am reminded of a comment from the book Way of the Peaceful Warrior a Book that Changes Lives by Dan Millman; “You will live an ordinary life, learning how to remain ordinary in a troubled world to which, in a sense, you no longer belong.  Remain ordinary, and you can be useful to others.”  I suspect that being more accessible and useful is an important aspect of our move.

Healing

A month or so ago, I began to focus part of my morning healing exercises on my thyroid since it has been “underperforming” for years.  Since then, I have been using the same hands on healing techniques that I describe elsewhere in my journal and in my website, every morning.  Coincident with my efforts, my doctor noted that my blood work began to indicate that “my pituitary thinks that my thyroid does not need stimulation”, meaning my pituitary is producing less thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH).  I will continue to use the same visualizations and healing techniques and see where this goes!

Journaling

I write and talk about many strange and wonderful things, primarily things that have either happened directly to me, or, at least caused me to think differently, such as the things I wrote about yesterday.  In part, I write about these things because writing helps me sort things out. Journaling assists my own growth.  In part, I write and talk to be of service to others.  My hope is that my journaling will alter the view or understanding of one or more other people and help in their growth process.

Miracles

Personally, I have experienced several events that would typically be called “miracles”, but simply demonstrate parts of  reality that I do not understand.  Events such as non-surgical healings of things that would normally require surgery or would not be expected at all, physical occurrences that could not have happened or communication that could not have taken place.  As M. Williamson says “I didn’t know that a miracle is just a shift in perception”.  In many cases, I did not believe these events as they occurred, and still have difficulty believing that they took place.  However, I have come to realize that they were simply events beyond my understanding, beyond what I thought possible.