Importance Of Listening

Several years ago, I became aware of the importance of listening and the fact that my listening could be improved.  I became aware that often I was attending to my own thoughts, judgments, criticisms and projections rather than attending to the speaker, thus reducing my ability to connect.  In order to change my tendency, first I eliminated any physical distractions like TV, telephones, food or being in a busy environment.  I made it a point to put everything down and face the person.  I then began being mindful of when my thoughts were straying and brought my focus back to the present and listening.  The process was difficult at first.  Now my focus is much better.  I still get distracted occasionally and apologize when that happens.

Sacred Space 3

Over the past several years and within differing therapeutic settings, I have taken note of the importance of connection with clients and the benefits of establishing a sacred space.  As in the example of my first experience, which I talked about two days ago, that requires the willingness of all participants.  Love and non-judgmental total acceptance by me is also required.  Under those circumstances, genuine growth, healing and resolution can take place.  I recognize that my approach is decidedly non-clinical.

Sacred Space 2

I have never succeeded in aggressively and purposefully setting up a sacred space, a space where people feel and respect the love, a space where hurts and issues spontaneously resolve.  I have succeeded in setting up the conditions for a sacred space, and then allowing it to happen.  My experience is that setting up the necessary conditions requires the willingness of everyone present.  Given that willingness, setting up the conditions for a sacred space within a sweat lodge ceremony involves blessing everything involved with tobacco and a sacred feather.  For events like the group meeting mentioned yesterday, setting up the conditions for a sacred space involves self-disclosure and open vulnerability of the leader.  In each case setting up the conditions for a sacred space involves the unspoken, unconditional, total acceptance of any and all aspects of the human condition; “when all the opposites meet within a man, good and also evil, light and also darkness, spirit and also body, brain and also heart, masculine focused consciousness and at the same time feminine diffuse awareness, wisdom of maturity and childlike wonder”.

Sacred Space, 1

Many years ago, during my first semester in social work school at the University of Maryland, I was in a clinical techniques class and the professor had asked me and other class members to each make a presentation to the class.  I was to be the first presenter.  The exact topic of the presentation is not important here.  However, each presentation was to cover why we had selected a certain technique and I thought the presentation was to last around five minutes and be clinically oriented.  I found out, as I was being introduced, that the professor intended for the presentation to last around forty-five minutes.  Within that minute or so, as I was being intro-duced, I decided, very calmly, to go deep within myself and disclose parts of my own history, my own woundedness, and what the topic really meant to me, a decidedly non-clinical approach.  I, very lovingly and openly disclosed my own emotional/spiritual truth and vulnerability.  During the discussion after my presentation, several people spontaneously disclosed their own woundedness and others described various personal truths, many things that they had never, openly, disclosed previously.  It was as if some sort of a spell had been cast over the class.  As was pointed out to me when that semester ended, that openness lasted, to a lesser degree  throughout that class.  That was my first experience with setting up, what I now recognize to be, a “sacred space”.  I was quite impressed and impacted by the obvious healing effect that it had on the class.

Receptive Allowing

As often happens, I was reminded today of the importance of a loving, compassionate connection for the process of healing to take place.  It is often nice to provide some suggestions or advice, especially when requested, however, I have often found that resolution can be found within an atmosphere of loving, “receptive allowing”, where no advice is given.  In many cases, all I need do is to listen, care and be present in a totally non-judgmental way and amazing things can then happen.  As Claremont deCastillejo says “Whether he knows it or not his own receptive allowing will affect all those around him; rain will fall on the parched fields, and tears will turn bitter grief to flowering sorrow, while stricken children dry their eyes and laugh."

Death And Suffering

I have been very close to death three times and had one near death experience.  I have also experienced years of pain and suffering.  Each of the experiences were traumatic and not the least bit enjoyable, especially if I fought them.  However, in addition, they each contained gifts that I could have gotten no other way and were much easier if I accepted them as part of life.  One of those gifts was/is to understand, first hand, what various mystics and spiritual leaders have said for years, that death and suffering are not to be feared and are a vital part of life.  I am reminded of the words of Richard Bach in his book One “An easy life doesn’t teach us anything.  In the end it’s the learning that matters: what we’ve learned and how we’ve grown.”  I have grown a great deal, due to the difficulties during my life.

Loving The Dark Side

During my recovery meeting today the topic of the importance of embracing the dark side
was brought up, along with the difficulty of doing so.  My experience is that it has, indeed, been difficult and unpleasant to do so at times.  However, the rewards, in terms of my ability to truly connect with, love and honor others, has been well worth it.  I began talking about, writing about and generally embracing my dark side years ago.  It’s that part of me that is extremely self-centered and can do harm to others without hesitation or caring.  I need not act on it, or even be afraid of it, but acknowledging it exists in me allows me to do the same with others, promoting a stronger and more authentic connection with them.

Discipline

Basically, if I am willing to do the necessary work, I can either expand or realize the extent of my capabilities.  Physically that means doing things like sleeping enough, eating carefully, taking the needed supplements and vitamins, exercising and accepting my limitations.  Emotionally and spiritually it means to continue things like socializing, being of service and my periods of prayer and meditation.  In each case I also need to stay open to own possibilities or potentials, which I addressed yesterday.  Simple, but not easy.

Staying Open

My biggest challenge right now is how to stay open to my own possibilities or potentials rather than staying within the comfort zone of my own perceptions and attitudes.  The clearest examples of what I am speaking of come from the physical limitations that result from my disability.  Fear tells me that I should accept my limitations, prepare for being confined to a wheelchair and not do things like canoeing, hiking and exercising to increase strength, balance and coordination.  Love or a feeling of well being leads me to do those things.  It is more subtle but the same pattern applies to all aspects of my life, attitudes or ideas about limitations.  I fully recognize that I am a limited human being, however, I have little idea of what those limits really are.  As with my disability, fear leads me to keep things safe, while love and faith lead me to push the limits.

Laws & Regulations

The other day, when writing about the sweat lodge, I used the phrase “White man’s law”.  What I was referring to were laws and attitudes that tend not to recognize the importance and sacredness of the land or its inhabitants other than white people.  Laws that tend not to reflect things like inclusiveness, connection with all things or love.  Bear Butte in South Dakota is a good example of blending laws and regulations, while also valuing inclusiveness, connection with all things and love. The use of the San Francisco Peaks is a good example of not doing that. In the case of the potential for the lodge, I checked with the trees, rocks, spirits and land, without considering monetary benefit or arbitrary boundary lines.  Neither approach is good or bad, they each have their reasons, and are certainly different.