Self-care

Writing things down, journaling, as I do each morning, enables me to clarify things that either have or will occur in the near future.  I use it as part of my process.  Writing both necessitates that I think about my day and the act of writing “pulls” thoughts and feelings out of me.  The result is that journaling helps me sort out the events of my day.
I also indulged in a lot of self-care these last couple of days.  Things like relaxing, exercising, hiking, cooking and weeding in my yard.  As I mentioned in my recovery meeting today, it is important that I care for myself if I am going to be of service to others.

Deep Meditation

One of the things that I practice each morning and have been doing for years, without understanding it, except on a very superficial level, is what I call “zoning out” or deep meditation.  As I described the process the other day, I first make a connection with “the God place”, then I clear my mind of distractions and just be an open vessel.  Having done that, I can then be “gone” or in a state of minimal conscious awareness for up to three hours, usually one hour or less, depending on the time available.  I first started using deep meditation several years ago when I almost died and needed physical assistance to overcome my condition and get on the recovery track.  Now I depend on that process each morning to provide me with information to assist me for the coming day.

Reality

In being open to life, I discover different levels of what we call reality.  Some events are very transient, illusory and vapor-like, while some are more solid, but still very transient and then there are those that seem relatively solid and permanent, eternal even.  What takes place between my own ears, in my brain, is clearly the most vapor-like and illusory - in fact a great deal of what happens in my brain will never and has never taken place, outside of my own head.  On the other hand the day to day events of my life, like paying bills, owning things, my physical condition or my participation in sports or other physical activities are also very transient and some have called them illusory since they have little long-term meaning.  Then there are the events like love, relationships, compassion or being of service that have long-term or eternal significance.  All are valuable, sometimes enjoyable, sometimes amusing parts of the texture of my life.

Staying Open

I participate in a number of relatively mindless activities that, collectively, I consider sorting time.  Activities such as weeding in my yard, playing free cell on my computer or exercising, all allow me to sort through daily events and maintain a loving and peaceful attitude.  Without adequate sorting time, I tend to become anxious and feel emotionally bound up or tight, not the least bit open.  In the event that I believe there is one major event that is bothering me, I make use of meditation specifically about that event, asking what is troubling me about it.  The combination keeps me clear and allows me to be open to the flow of life.

Monkey Mind

When I am attempting to connect with someone or something else, my brain tends to keep wandering off into memories of the past, various assumptions, judgments or projections into the future, thus preventing me from a firm heart connection.  This sort of thing can happen to me when I am enjoying a sunrise on the beach, walking in the woods, meditating, meeting someone new or talking with an old friend.  Basically my brain just automatically begins projecting future events or making assumptions based on my past, and preventing me from living in the present and making a meaningful connection.  What works best for me is to notice what is happening and bring my brain back to the present, without any sort of judgment or criticism.

Projecting

Projecting my own issues on to someone rather than listening directly to them is certainly something I have been guilty of in the past.  My projections frequently results in false assumptions and misunderstanding, obscuring connection.  What I have done in the past was to subconsciously take my own issues and project them on others.  For example, I used to remain angry over various events for a long time, even years.  I would also assume that others did the same, thinking they were still angry long after they had forgotten the event, I would misunderstand them, assuming they were still angry.  I need to guard against that sort of thing in order to connect.

Actions Based On Love

I strive to conduct my daily activities from within a “bubble of love”, primarily because of the potential outcomes of any interaction and also the impact on the people I contact.  If I approach my activities love, I am likely to get a positive outcome.  Otherwise, I am likely to get an outcome such as what I described yesterday,.  Others can sense that bubble and  react to my presence, what I do and what I say in a manner that increases the integrity of the universe.  My approaching life in this way is a definite win-win situation.  Everyone benefits and the outcome is generally serene, peaceful and clear.

Love & Compassion

In my experience, violence always leads to more violence.  On the other hand, I have been amazed at the outcome to a potentially violent situation, when love, compassion and understanding are applied.  In a given situation, I have the choice of interacting out of fear and hurt or interacting out of love and compassion.  Fear and hurt lead me to anger and will stimulate that part of the other person, usually leading to a negative outcome.  On the other hand, interacting out of love and compassion usually leads to a peaceful outcome.  When I feel things like defensiveness, fear or anger coming up inside, I am better off excusing myself from the interaction, at least momentarily, and calming myself down.

The Seed Of Love Or God

It is important for me to realize and always keep in mind that, regardless of the various actions anyone has performed, the seed of God or love is within each of us, we need only to find and nurture it.  That seed is often obscured by addictions, hurt, fear or anger, but it is always there.  That seed is also often obscured by negative, self-centered or violent tendencies.  At times people perform despicable or harmful acts, necessitating their removal from society, but when I encounter them, I can still find and connect with the loving part.

Choosing Love & Connection

Our scientific, materialistic, competitive and individualistic culture conflicts with the spiritual realities of love, compassion and connectedness.  Personally, I am very acutely aware of the conflict and I have learned to live with it.  Others that I work with feel the conflict acutely and have internalized it.  Having internalized the conflict, it gives them a large amount of difficulty and contributes to  myriad emotional and physical problems.  I have made the choice to live according to love, compassion and connectedness, but then, I am an old man who finds it easy to be a bit eccentric and not fit in.