Changes

Maria and I went out to Wupatki today.  When there, we did a pipe and smudging ceremony.  It sounds silly, but my sense was that the pipe wanted to go with us.  Once there, the spirits & land felt very supportive, affirming and powerful.  Earlier in the day we attended a Friends (Quaker) meeting and the feeling was one of positive changes taking place, changes toward love, peace and compassion.  One of my friends just had a talk during which she referred to such a change going on.  I have an emotional attachment to those ideas so I am cautious, but it seems that what Maria and I do, is part of that shift.

Our Shadow Side

Today, I led two groups for the newly recovering addicts I work with, lots of good connection and love, very enjoyable.  As always, I kept in mind that my role was to serve them and asked for guidance and support before each of the groups. We talked about the dark or shadow side in each one of us, a subject I enjoy since it is so seldom talked about.  By definition it is that part of each of us which is often negative and we don’t like to admit to, let alone talk about it.  In myself, I have learned to acknowledge it, love it as part of me, talk freely about it and not act on it.

Perspective

Yesterday, I mentioned fears as being typical of the human condition.  Meaning, fears about getting older, physical problems, surgeries, disabilities, death, etc.  These fears seem to be common to most humans, and, I must admit I have them too.  In me they are only whispers of thoughts that pass through my brain, which I do not take seriously.  The reason I do not take them seriously is that fears are basically meaningless and having them will change nothing.  Additionally, I understand this life to be very short and transient.  I find it better to be at peace with what is happening and keep my focus on the eternal and the absolute of love.

Connection

I attended the second meeting of our Quaker writing group today.  The theme was our current concept of God and how that has changed during our lives.  As before, people shared very deeply and openly, a wonderful connection.  It was notable to me that we all spoke and wrote of the same thing, the same feeling, with subtle differences based on experience and history.  There was a strong feeling of love and connection in the room.  We also spoke of our fears and involvement in the transient human condition, also beautiful, though less enjoyable.

Work, Awareness & Humility

Using a combination of love, mystical guidance, intuition and my training I seem to have a very accurate notion of what is going on with my clients and how to help them.  I also need to put my ego aside.  In order to accomplish the combination I just described, I need to attend to my own physical, emotional and spiritual needs.  So I need to recognize that in order to do what I do, it takes a lot of work, awareness and humility.

Not In Charge

I used to make an effort, daily, to do God’s will and I also made an effort to be of service.  However, I believed that I had some control over my life, that I was in charge to some degree.  Then, three times now, I have been very close to death, on my knees crying and asking for the necessary strength, guidance and support to simply stay alive, everything else had been stripped away.  I made it clear, at those times, that I would commit my life to spreading love and being of service.  I had no idea how much freedom there was in letting go to the degree I have now.  I believe, that the same lack of being in control or in charge is true of most people, as is the importance of love.

Recovery

Right now I have a little more than three months short of thirty years in recovery, which began with the cessation of the use of drugs and alcohol and then expanded to dealing with numerous other activities and behaviors.  I have made liberal use of love, God, the guidance of many people and several recovery programs.  I have, largely, left behind the person I used to be, though I am regularly reminded of that person in the recovery meetings I attend and I know that person is right there, if I choose to return to that way of life.  I have become the person I aspired to become and I continue to grow.

Letting Go

I generally work with a recovering person only during the first six months of their recovery and then they switch to another therapist.  I always experience some sadness and some desire to hold on, when it is time for one of my clients to graduate to the next phase of recovery.  Yesterday, one of my clients graduated.  I did my job well, connecting, loving and guiding, now it is time to let go.  It is useful for me to acknowledge, feel and let go of my own feelings in much the same manner.

Being Of Service

This was another very long day, as frequently happens during weekends that include the family workshops.  There has been a lot of work with the families together with their addicts the last couple of days.  During that time, I have been acutely aware that my role is often to “afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted”, having done a lot of each the last few days.  Usually the addicts I work with have some sort of comfortable, though self-destructive, pattern that needs to be disrupted and changed if they are to remain clean and sober.  They are also usually experiencing emotional pain.  The net result is that they generally require both comforting and confronting if I am to connect and help.

Going With The Flow

This was a very long and somewhat chaotic day.  I had six hours of very draining and intensive connection time with clients and their families.  Additionally, my plans for the day kept shifting because people’s travel and arrival times did not go as planned.  The combination was tiring but I was also pleased that I did not resist the flow of events at all.  As usual, adding resistance to the mix would have accomplished nothing in terms of outcomes, but certainly would have added to stress and fatigue.  This was a day of going with the flow of life.